


The Otherworldling

by KCiery



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, An - Freeform, F/M, Fluff, Slow Burn, Some Humor, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-07
Updated: 2015-09-16
Packaged: 2018-03-21 13:33:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 23
Words: 57,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3694187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KCiery/pseuds/KCiery
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>Dragon Age: Inquisition, Modern Protagonist. </em><br/><br/>Just as she was living a very ordinary life, she wakes to find herself in a seemingly foreign place, though who she comes across first, wasn't so much as a stranger. A being she thought only existed by the combination of numerous nanometer pixels behind the screen of her television, was now in front of her, made of flesh and blood.</p><p>A god nonetheless.</p><p>How will she cope as her previous life is thrown away, faced with her new life ? </p><p>Discover this foreign world with her, the lone otherworldling in all Thedas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. May the Dread Wolf never catch your scent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  [♬](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pk33dTVHreQ)

 

 

 

I yawned as I looked upon the TV screen. I have been playing Dragon age : Inquisition for months now even though I finished it along time ago.

I've always liked role-playing video games, the feeling of being your character and living her story is just so stress relieving. Sometimes you just want to get away from the real world. I glanced at my phone laying next to me. It shows 09:57 pm on it. Gosh, I have been playing this game 10 hours ago. _So addicted._

"I just can't help myself, can I ?" I said to myself out loud, shaking my head.  

I got up and put the controller on a desk nearby. I laid in bed even though I wasn't tired. I closed my eyes to rest them a little, they stung lightly for having overworked them. Eventually I drifted off to sleep.

 

 

* * *

 

 

I was in the middle of a forest, and it was rather warm. The gentle breeze was making my long hair hover in the air, the wind swirling around me.

Right then, as stupid as it sounds, I felt like Pocahontas. The cold grass touching my bare feet, the tall trees bending like the weight of the vast sky was unbearable, the birds chirping and the sun setting in the horizon, I don't know what kind of dream I was dreaming but it was beautiful. _I don't do drugs._ Suddenly, I felt like singing the _Colors of the wind_ song, just because.

As I sang, I started dancing stupidly by myself. I felt my voice reach in through the endless rows of trees. As I got tired and the song ended, I let myself fall freely on the cool grass and sighed happily. I contemplated the orange sky. I rarely see sunsets because I lived in the city and the tall buildings were always obstructing the view. I closed my eyes, feeling the sudden breeze again. When I eventually opened them again, white fur filled my vision. I froze, petrified of what kind of wild animal it was but as it lowered it's head to look at me.. It was a wolf - a giant white wolf - who was going to to eat me, just by the way it's eyes were intensely staring at mine. I didn't dare to move, afraid it might get startled and snap my head off my neck. Instead it scrunched it's nose and sniffed at me without breaking the stare for what it seems like ages. I just couldn't stop staring into it's greyish blue eyes, as if chained, but it eventually did as a woman's voice echoed through the woods.

"Fen'Harel !" she called.

 

 

* * *

 

 

I jerked my eyes open, to found the giant wolf gone from my view, reassured I exhaled deeply putting my arm over my eyes.

 _It was just a dream,_ I though, happy the nightmare was over. I didn't get to enjoy the relief longer, as I soon realized that I wasn't laying on my bed - or a bed for that matter. I took my arm away and looked at my surroundings. The ceiling was really high up - _two floors up ?_ \- with bird cages hanging from it. _What the fuck ?_ I cursed to myself. I got up from the freezing floor - I was cold now even with my winter pajama - I stood in front of a lone table in a round room. The room wasn't even painted. _Where am I ? Is this a dream again ?_   But this seems familiar. I looked around and saw see that some part of the wall was actually painted in fact. _An eye ? Light shooting down ? Wolves howling.._

My thoughts was processing slowly, I went to touch the white wolf's tail, tracing it's form. The graze of the dried bumps of the paint on my fingers felt so real, it even hurt a little because of how rough the wall was. Isn't this.. _Skyhold ? No. It can't be.. Right ?_

"Who are you ?" A man's voice asked from behind me.  _Oh shit._ I gulped hard. But stood frozen in place, asking myself if I should just make a run out the door of the rotunda instead of facing him.

"Who are you ?" The man's voice asked again, more sternly this time.

I turned around, painfully slow from the wall to look at him. "Fen'Harel." I breathed out, amazed he was just in front of me - real.

"How do you know my name ?" He raised his eyebrows taken a back. His voice now suspicious. 

 _I fucked up, damn it !_ I though desperately, putting my hand over my mouth. Seeing that I wasn't answering, he approached me slowly turning around the table.

"You don't belong here, spirit. Go back to where you came from." He simply said.

"I'm not a spirit." I said flatly, without thinking. "Can't you make the difference ?" I asked curious.

 _I mean wasn't he a god ?_ He raised his eyebrows again but he quickly recovered and squinted his eyes at me, putting his hand to his chin. A gesture he did when he was thinking deeply. I felt intimidated and crossed my arms realizing I wasn't wearing a bra and a man was staring at me - not a my breasts, I'm sure. But still.

"Then what are you ?" He asked slowly.

"I'm Kaysea" I said, not knowing what else to say.

But before he could say something. Our surroundings blurred and suddenly I felt like I was falling.

Moments later, the feeling stopped. But Solas wasn't in front of me anymore, he was sleeping on the table in the middle of the room. And strangely enough, Cassandra was waking the elf up.

"Solas ! Did you find anything about it in the fade ?" She said out loud not waiting for him to open his eyes. He grunted spoiled from his rest and looked at her.

"Seeker, I did research-", he said sleepily before getting interrupted by the woman.

"What did you find about the spirit of the divine ?!" She asked eagerly failing completely to notice me. _I was with him in the Fade, in his dream._ I smiled to myself.

"But. I have not found anything from my all nighter." He responded, accentuating the last words.

Cassandra looked at him, finally noticing his fatigue. "I apologise.., I-" She said, sighing deeply, clearly disappointed.

She turned her head, evading the elf's eyes and noticed me. Solas followed her gaze and stood abruptly from his chair, surprised to see me again.

"You.." He whispered.

I simply blinked. Cassandra intervened and asked, "Do you know her ? A friend ?"

"No.." He whispered, lost in his thoughts.

She shoot a suspicious look at me and walked straight at me, fast, grabbing firmly - very firmly - my arm. I struggled from the pain despite myself but she only held harder.

"Who are you ?" She asked loudly, making the people upstairs - previously absent in Solas's dream - look at us.

"Stop ! Let go of me !", I cried, trying to free myself from her grasp but she was clearly stronger than me.

"Seeker, there is no need to use violence. She is at her disadvantage here. And she is nothing but a child." He calmly said.

The woman loosen her grip at me and I took the opportunity to jerk my arm. I ran behind Solas, scared. I griped his shirt and hid from the dwelling stares. I forgot Cassandra wasn't friendly with strangers. He froze from my touch and took the chance to put my arms around his waist, hugging him from behind, afraid he may ran away. Even though I couldn't see, my face buried into his back, I knew this was inappropriate and I could feel the stares piercing through me.

"Just because you're old doesn't mean I'm a child. It isn't the same.", I mumbled through his back.

Laughs echoed through the rotunda. I recognised Sera's and The Iron Bull's voice when it drummed through my ears. I looked up and saw them, laughing their ass off in the rotunda. Cullen and Josephine were standing near the 'escape' door, I wished I took before, in Solas's dream.

"I ask that everyone leave." He said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Good thing he didn't try to free himself. For there was no way, I could've won. _I don't want to be chained._ Cassandra made everyone leave, not before asking if Solas was gonna be fine alone with me. _I'm harmless !_

Sera shouted a remark too as she was being pushed out the door, "Take your time !" A smug look on her face.

I expected that much after what I did. _I hugged Solas ! In front of everyone._  I practically violated him, according to Thedas. I can't believe what just happened. He felt so real, like a normal body temperature. It's weird cause he isn't. I put my hands up my face, I was so embarrassed. He made me sit in his chair, while he talked to Blackwall outside, eyeing me through the open door. _I hope he didn't realize I wasn't wearing a bra._ I looked inside my top, checking for any pultruding nips. Solas came back, closing the door behind him and sat on the table next to me.

"Who are you ?" He asked again.

"I'm Kaysea, I told you already." I said embarrassed.

"What are you ?" He continued.

"Not a spirit that's for sure, I'm a normal person, Solas." I reassured.

He looked at me cautiously. "You call me by both names." He stood and towered over me and started looking scary. I looked down my knees evading him.

"I..know things." I started. I could have sworn I saw his jaw clench. "I know what were, what is and what will be. Past, present and future. I know you're secrets..", mustering enough courage to look at him in the eyes. "I know everyone secrets, not just yours."

His eyes darkened and I could feel his fist clenching strongly through the chair, he was leaning in.

"I mean no harm ! I swear. I didn't come here willingly, you saw me in the Fade but I don't know why and how I came !" I said quickly.

"Did you think your words will be sufficient ?"

I could feel electricity in the air, making my skin crawl. _Was he going to kill me ?!_

"If you're going to kill me, do it fast.", I said, staring straight into his eyes. Might as well put up a fight before I die. _It's not like I can really die.. Right ?_

He backed out a little, surprised by my answer. The scary glint in his eyes was disappearing and he was observing me now.

"Are you not scared ?", he asked.

"No."

He seemed surprised but I continued.

"I'm more scared of the pain. But dying is apart of living as much as living is apart of dying." _Drama much._

I was wondering if he noticed I was buying time, but didn't get to a conclusion as saw a big fat rat frolicking under Solas table. I screamed my lungs out which surely was heard through out Skyhold. I brought my feet up as fast as I can, stood on the chair and jumped on Solas all that in a matter of 5 seconds. Solas stumbled backwards on the table. People came in in every door, seeing us on the table, me on top of him. Because the table wasn't large enough, my head was peaking on the other side of the table and I could see that the rat was just in front of me. I gasped, sat up and took the first thing I could grab on the table - a large book. I brought it up my head, aimed and threw the book on the rat.

As it fell, a loud squeak emanated under the book, the floor was bloodied now. _Gross_ , I shuddered. Everyone turned their head from us to the dead rat, finally understanding. I signed relieved putting my hand to my chest to control my beating heart. But before it could settle, Solas held me by my shoulders and made me stand up so he could get away from the embarrassing position. He just glared at me and turned to pick up the fallen chair. Realising how horrible and annoying I must have been, I picked up some of the papers on the floor and handed it to him.

"I'm sorry.", I told him sadly.

People started to dissipate by Cullen's orders. Solas took the sheets of paper and went to talk to Leliana. They went outside, leaving me to myself. He didn't come back for a long time. And I took the chance to redeem myself and cleaned up. But I didn't dare touch or go near the dead rat. _Hell no. Ebola alert._  As I finished, I didn't dare leave the rotunda, afraid Solas might get angry with me. So I just climbed the platform, he must have stood on to paint. _At least I'm safe from the rats now_. I laid down the wooden platform and drifted off to sleep. Maybe I could go back to my world now.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the first time I've written anything before. Salesman's story called Dragon Age : Overloaded, has inspired to write my first fan fiction. So shout out to you :) Check out her story ! It's amaze-balls !


	2. Meeting the crew.

 

 

Not. I was still in Skyhold. I must have woken up in the middle of the night, because the room was very silent, deserted even. I couldn't hear anything. There was no window in sight, so I just assumed.

A blanket was draped over me, someone must have put it here. _Who ?_ I stood up and saw Solas asleep again on his table. And I wondered if anything of what happened really happened. _Deja-vu ?_ I climbed down the ladder making no noise as much as I could with the blanket in hand. The rat's corpse was gone, thankfully. He was breathing deeply, sound asleep. I put the cover on his shoulders really carefully, not wanting to wake him up. _He might have been the one putting the covers on me._

It was dark in the rotunda but a small candle illuminated his face on the table. He seemed so in peace right then, I resisted the urge to touch his shiny head. _What am I going to do here ?_  As I gazed at his face, I couldn't help but be anxious, as much as it felt really amazing to meet the characters in real life. _And damn hungry alright._

I must have slept for a couple of hours. Could I have only have slept now ? I retraced the recent memories in my head, trying to figure out what happened. I stopped playing Dragon age : Inquisition, fell asleep, into the forest to here. _I didn't fall asleep then but only now ?_ The transition must have happen then. _But how ?_ I sighed and took the candle on the table with me to the hall to search for food.

It was dark but some braziers we're crackling. No one was here, they were probably sleeping. I walked near the table, every step I took echoed softly through the hall, but not loud enough to be a noise. I contemplated the menu and it only made stomach growl. So I sat and started eating to my heart's content. Good thing everything I needed was on the table already. Plate, fork, spoon, glass and water. _Man I was thirsty_.

It was kinda scary to be here all alone in the dark. _I hope there were no rats here_. But as soon as I stood from the chair, Cole appeared in front of me. I can't believe I was able to stifle my scream. He stared at me with his glassy blue eyes, his bangs shielding them.

"Do you not sleep too ?" He asked tilting his head questionably.

"Cole ! You scared me !" I whispered. "And no. I already slept."

His expression didn't change and said, "Solas thought you were a spirit. But he was wrong, you are not. You are not like me and I am not like you. You know us but we do not know you. Your mind speaks words I do not understand. What is a bra ?" 

He said it so fast I thought I misheard him but then I couldn't help but laugh. I smiled at him warmly and petted his hat. "What do you do when you're not sleeping ?" I asked.

"I made you happy.." He whispered.

I took the candle on one hand and held his on the other and pulled him with me, "Let's have some fun !" I cheered.

 

* * *

 

 

 

I woke up to the sound of people voices, whispers at first then loud speaking voices. I opened my eyes, adjusting them. The room was sun lit, I was on the top floor of the tavern. Cole's face peaked at mine, those big eyes blinking at me.

"Good morning." I greeted, I was laying on his lap. I sat and rubbed my eyes, brushing off the sleep.

"People are searching for you." He said, standing up.

I did the same, following him down the stairs. Low whispers started following my trail, as we stepped down further. _Everyone must be gossiping about me_. I looked down and noticed I was still barefooted, no wonder the gossip. I giggle silently behind Cole.

The Iron Bull, Sera and Krem were sitting in one table, laughing and talking to each other. Bull saw us first, an eyebrow raised, and gestured for us to come, tapping on the table. _OMG ! He's a fucking giant._ I stood there staring.

"How are you doing kid ? Brought a friend ?", he smiled at the boy while tilting his head my way.

"Yes, she likes me. We had fun last night." Cole responded.

Krem who was drinking peacefully, choked on his drink and Sera started laughing loudly. Iron Bull laughed too while tapping Krem's back.

"You're a little whore, yeah ?" Sera said to me, still laughing.

"I don't have money." I said jokingly, which made her laugh even more.

"Shite ! I can't breath." She said holding her stomach.

"He doesn't have more money than you do, girl." Bull joked. I smiled at him.

"I know this may sound weird but can I touch your horns ?" I asked. _I mean how could you not ?_ , I couldn't help myself. Krem started laughing too.

"Go on, girl. But don't grip too hard." He teased. _He's such a pervert._

"Shut up !" I said laughingly, hitting his shoulder which only made him laugh harder.

At first, I touched it softly, tracing the horn's form. The skin felt very calloused and hard. The tip wasn't as sharp as I thought it would be.

"It's sooo weird, I have never seen a qunari before." I said, more to myself than to them.

"Oh ! This is The Iron Bull, leader of the chargers and I'm a part of it. My name's Krem and this is Sera." Krem introduced.

"I know everything already." I said absentmindedly, lost in my observation. _I mean aren't those horns heavy ? Is this attach to the skull ?_ As I was thinking, I eventually noticed the silence that settled on the table. _Oh shit._ I said something really suspicious. I glanced a look at all their faces. _Yep, suspicious._ But before I could think up a good explanation. Three scouts entered the tavern and walked straight at me.

One of them said, "The Nightingale has asked you to come with us."

"Why ?" I asked, letting go of the horns.

"She wishes to interrogate you, your appearance here...was unexpected." He hesitated.

"What if I don't want to ?" I retorted. _Oh, I know what 'interrogating' means here._

One of the taller scout took a step closer, "It would be ill-mannered to refuse." He said boldly. _Was he threatening me ?_

"Speaking of manners, shouldn't she be the one asking ?" I was starting to get pissed.

"We are only following ord-"

"Then orders you shall follow. Tell Leliana that if she wants to talk to me, she shall come herself and not otherwise." I interrupted and climbed up the stairs of the tavern.

"How did you know he-", one of them said but I didn't stay long enough to hear. _Her name ?_ _It's not the only thing I know._ I heard people whispers getting stronger. I sighed leaving the tavern. _Damn it._ I think I went overboard. I totally forgot I'm not the Inquisitor right now. I shouldn't have expected them to have respect towards me. I wanted to be alone to think so I went to the 'prayer room' through the battlements, at least that's what I think it is. As expected, no one was there, I looked up the statue of Andraste, it almost looked majestic with the light shining on it from the windows. But the spiderwebs and dust just didn't go well with it. I sighed deeply.

"What am I gonna do ?" I said out loud. _How do I go home ?_ _Leliana is gonna kill me_.

I went back to the rotunda, resolved to find a way back home, fortunately there wasn't anyone here but NPC's. I stood in front of the painting again, and touched the wolf's white tail. _Maybe if I do exactly the same thing before.._ But nothing happened. I stayed like that for a couple of minutes and my hand was getting tired but still nothing. Exasperated, I fell on my knees, and trapped my head around my arm, laying my head on one of the furniture hidden by a white sheet. _Solas wants to kill me. Leliana want to kill me._ This wasn't as fun as I thought it would be.

"Now, now. Who here, is sulking ?" A rich voice said.

"Not now Dorian." I said tiredly maintaining my position. I didn't need to see his face to recognise him.

"How did you know m-" He started.

"There you are. I was searching for you." Solas interrupted, his voice far away. He must have come through the door as I heard footsteps getting closer.

"You know her ?" Dorian asked.

"Not yet." Leliana said from above. I finally decided to look up. She was grinning. _I'm gonna die._

 

 

* * *

 

"Didn't Solas tell you already ?", I told Cassandra who has joined the party.

"He did. But he didn't really get into the details." Leliana said, crossing her arms.

"Look" I sighed. "I'm sorry that I caused trouble. But I can't tell you more than what he has told you." I said, looking at all of them.

"Why not ?" She asked.

"Because I don't know how and why I got here. And the only way for me to prove to you that I know the future is to tell you about it. But I can't. And if I tell you about the past, you'll probably think I'm some spy or something." I said helplessly.

"Cole, what do you feel about her ?" Solas asked, he has been silent the whole time.

"Her mind speaks words, I don't understand. Her mind sings songs. Touching, feeling, not knowing ? Hearing whispers among loud voices. Close yet so far away, beyond reach. Real and not real ? She is lost, tracing, searching the path home. We don't remember. She is our friend but we are not her's." He said a loud.

I smiled at him, he was the only one on my side. The whole group just stared at Cole. Solas seems to have understood.

"She's a demon." A voice came from behind.

"You came quite late, my dear." I said, imitating her, without turning around. I knew it was Vivienne. _That condescending voice._ I could see her frown already. Everyone turned their gaze from me to her, from her to me. Totally shocked.

"Where are you from then ? " Cassandra asked breaking the ice.

"I.. I come from another world." I said hesitantly. I didn't want to reveal too much of what I knew to them.

"Another world.." Solas repeated after me.

"Maybe she's crazy in the head, I wouldn't be surprised. I mean look at what she's wearing. Hideous !" Dorian cried, pointing at my clothes.

I laughed, the expression on his face was so priceless. I looked down. _They do look hideous though._ They got dirty last night, while Cole and I played with the mounts in their stables.

"I didn't really expect to come here so I have nothing else to wear." I said, lifting my Minie-mouse printed pyjama's pants. _How ironic._ "And no, I'm not crazy." I smiled at him. This was kind of nostalgic. I don't know why.

"If you promise not to bite my ass off, I'll help you with that." He said, twirling the tip of his mustache.

"I promise !" I said cheerfully, raising my hand.

"I always wanted to try Tevinter clothes. They are so unique." I continued, eyes full of admiration. Cassandra eyed me cautiously.

"Is this safe ?" She asked.

"If, what Cole said is right and if what she said is the truth. I suppose there is nothing we can do until she finds a way to go back." Solas said, putting his arms behind his back.

"Is this what we are now ? Demon-minders ?" Vivienne said clearly outraged.

"We shall wait for the Inquisitor to come back from her trip, to decide these kind of matters. Plus she has done nothing bad that she should be chained." Leliana sighed.

"Yet." Vivienne retorted before leaving.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"I'm quite disappointed. All these money and resources but not one penny for you." Dorian complained.

I had taken a bath with - of course - help from a chantry sister who was kind enough to show me how 'bathtubs' works.

"It's fine, Dorian. I think it's beautiful." I reassured.

He has picked a white flowy dress with some beige 'sandals'. He was so intent on choosing for me, I just couldn't refuse his aid. He had some troubles finding a size small enough to fit me. I guess I did look like a child, me being only 5'1 at the age of nineteen. As for my former clothes, I had asked to keep them, but not before they got washed. I wanted a token to remember. _If I can't go back.._

"I could have done better." He sighed. I guess it's too simple for him.

"No. I love it. Thank you." I said encouragingly, patting his arm.

I carried on and went to the rotunda. When I arrived, Solas was painting.

"Halamshiral is next." I said, absentmindedly, as I looked at the fresco.

At first I thought Solas didn't hear me, but then, "I told them about .. your condition." He said, stroking the wall with his paintbrush.

"Thank you for doing that for me. And uum.. Sorry for before." I said embarrassed. He finally looked at me from the platform, his eyes lingered on the dress.

"I thought for you to be an elf." He said, putting his brush aside.

"You mistake me for a lot of things, Solas." I giggled, lifting up my hair to show him my ears.

"You did not really give me much to figure out." He replied as he climbed down.

"There's nothing to figure out, I'm an open book." I smiled at him. He was really tall, taller than I remembered. I guess my Inquisitor wasn't a shorty like me.

"Yet, only some pages can be turned." He said, looking straight at me.

 _Oh !_ "Speaking of pages, can I borrow you some papers and something to write with ? Please.." I clapped my hands together, begging.

"What for ?" He asked, his eyebrows raised as he handed me a book and a 'feather pen thingy'.

"I want to write about my journey here, in this world." I said and sat on his chair. I opened the cover of the book and wrote my name on the blank page. Kaysea Steele.

"Your handwriting is strange.", I looked up to see him peaking out my shoulders. _Thedas don't write like us, of course._ I hid the book, hugging it to my chest.

"No peaking." I said mischievously.

He got surprised and looked away. "I apologise, my curiosity got the better of me."

He took his stuff from the table and climbed of the ladder to paint again. I thought he blushed for a mere second there. I smiled and started scribbling on my diary. After a while, my eyes were getting heavy. I stopped and search for my phone. _Oh yeah.. I don't have a phone anymore._ I looked around, it was dark and only a few people were upstairs. Solas was gone now, his fresco was advancing greatly. I went to the other side of the room and touched the blank wall, the last part. _That he'll never finish_ , I though bitterly.

"For some unknown reason, I always seem to find you like this." He entered the rotunda with two plates filled with food and cakes, frilly cakes to be exact.

"I didn't notice you leave." I turned around, and saw he had paint smudged on his face. I smiled at how adorable that looked. He handed me one of the plate. "Thank you for getting dinner." I took a bite of the bread and the meat.

"You are welcome. You have not eaten anything all day. You must be famished." He started eating too. We were sitting on the table, eating peacefully.

"Yeah, I have the appetite of a wolf, right now." I said sincerely. He looked at me weirdly. Realising I just made a joke about him, I laughed, trying not to choke on my food. "I didn't do it in purpose !" I said, waving my hands to prove my innocence.

"I truly wonder how much your knowledge hold." He said, contemplating me. I took my hands away, surprised by his serious tone.

"What do you miss more in the time of Arlathan ?" I asked. He seemed a little surprised, but didn't hesitate.

"The magic. The living magic, present, flowing, breathing. It's existence similar to the air we breath. It's power so immense, it's delicate songs disturbs your dreams." He said, his eyes far away.

"Magic doesn't exist in my world. But the word 'magic' does. It describes something unbelievable, unexplainable, impossible even. In this world, there must be nothing that is impossible." I said, after a short silence. We were both lost in our memories. _Man, I miss Internet._

Suddenly Solas casted a blue fire in his right hand, simple but then it became little lights, twirling around his hand, almost dancing. I looked in awe, it was the first time I saw magic, nothing compared to the frail game imitation.

"It's so beautiful.., so magical.." I breathed, in tranced by Solas's show. He laughed at my poor choices of compliments, that real laugh he showed so rarely.

"Can I touch it ?" I asked, excited. I didn't even wait for a response, I cupped my hand on his, which made the magic burst, the light brighter now, before it slowly faded away. I looked up at Solas, my mouth wide open. He was grinning at my face, I clapped my hands loudly, cheering on him, completely amazed.

"Sadly, it is nothing compared to the magic that was lost." He said still smiling, a hint of regret in his voice. I touched his face, cleaning away the paint smudge. He jumped at my touch.

I smiled warmly at him. "Thank you, Solas."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I was talking about Iron Bull's horns, I swear.


	3. Sickness.

 

 

 _It's really rainy today_. I stepped out of my shelter, putting my hood on. I was walking the streets to go to school. As always, the streets were deserted this early in the morning. I could see the big puddles reflecting the grey sky. It was awfully cold even with my scarf. I put my hand out my pocket, feeling the droplets of rain. _I've always liked the rain_ , I though before halting.

"Where is this place ?" A man's voice said, his voice strangely louder than the sound of the bus passing by.

I shot a confused look, failing to recognise him. His attire oddly placed in this context.

"I have never seen anything like this." He gazed at a passing car.

"You're not supposed to be here." I said thoughtful. 

"Your dream is terribly complex. It was hard to seek you." He looked around curiously. I finally understood, this was the Fade.

"It was only just a dream." I whispered.

The rain came crushing down harder, piercing the hard ground fast until Solas and I fell into nothingness.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

I felt a cold sensation run up my forehead, as I'm slowly awakening. I wanted to open my eyes, but they were terribly heavy. I stirred, my body was even heavier. Someone was whispering something to me. _I can't hear you._ I felt someone carry me, and suddenly loud voices came crashing down the room making my head dizzy before losing consciousness.

I could hear voices from far away.

"You should rest Solas, I will take over." Cassandra said in that awkward voice.

"I would not dare leave her side Seeker." Solas said tiredly.

With much effort, I opened my eyes. They were standing at the doorway. _Where am I ? What happened ?_ I closed my eyes, trying to remember. _Solas and I were in the Fade._ A weight pressed down the bed, a hand touched my forehead as if checking for temperature, tossing my hair away from my face.

"Your hand is soothing." I told him, indulging myself, before opening my eyes. Solas was smiling at me, but he had taken his hand away.

"How do you feel ?" He asked.

"I feel like I've slept for a long time. I feel rusty." I said weakly. "What happened ?"

In that instant, his smiled vanished from his face replaced by guilt. "I deeply apologise. I was reckless and have disturbed your mind by seeking you in the Fade." He said, turning his gaze away from me. "You did not wake after our encounter and have fallen ill with high fever and slept for a whole day." He said full of remorse.

I looked at him confused. He has bags under his eyes, and his back was hunched, tired. _He must have looked after me._

"Silly Solas, I'm not sick because of you. You don't need to apologize." I said reassuringly. "I must have caught a cold from my night out with Cole. After all, I was barefooted on the snow." I raised myself, patting his bald head. His concern for me, a stranger, was heartwarming.  _He's such a worrier._ He didn't even try to look convinced. I moved to the other side of the bed. "Here, you should rest. Look at you, you didn't get a moment of respite." I patted the place beside me. He did'nt move an inch, brows furrowed. So instead I caught his hand and pulled him to me, he resisted but I was able to put the covers on him. He tried to get up but I stopped him by straining him with my blanket. _Trapped._

"Go to sleep, little wolf." I said lovingly, petting him through the blanket.

"I do not think for this to be appropriate Klaysea." He said, trying to get up but I slapped his shoulder hard and he went back down, making the mattress tremble. He looked at me, eyes widened. I deserved divine punishment for what I just did but I didn't fucking care.

"My name is Kaysea, not Klaysea.", I corrected, pissed. I jumped out the bed, stumbling a little from the sudden movement.

"You should still rest-" He started, taking the cover away.

"Don't you dare get out of that bed." I pointed a finger at him. I was fuming. "Or I'll spank you." I threatened before leaving the room.

 _Damn that elf ! Can't say my name right._ I stomped my feet down the stone corridors. I arrived at the the entrance and as I was walking down the stairs to get some food at the tavern when I saw people gathering at the gate. I stretched my neck to get a glimpse. 

The Inquisitor was back.

 

* * *

 

 

"This is the Inquisitor." Cullen said proudly, as he placed his hand on the hilt of his sword.

I was staring at the throne, trying to distract myself. I was nervous, meeting her for the first time. _This is the moment._

"Is it her ?" I heard her say. I gulped and I turned around.

She was a human, "Trevelyan.." I whispered out. _I should really quit that habit._

She looked at me utterly surprise. She was just how I had created her, that short brown hair and those blue eyes. Well, not exactly. She looked awfully tired with her messy hair, unlike how the game portrayed her. I stepped forward towards her, to see her more closely. I remember now. When I replayed the game, I had chosen a mage who romanced Cullen, to heal my heartbreak over Solas. I cupped her face which made her lean down at me, I was clearly smaller in height. The gesture made people around us tense. _She's the Inquisitor after all._

"Welcome back !" I said happily.

After a meeting with her fellow companions, she had considered me harmless and has permitted me to stay until I was able to go back home. Of course she would, I would have done the same. _I was her after all._ Naturally, Vivienne was against the idea. But even Sera didn't approach me anymore when she had found out who I was. Only Leliana, Cassandra, Cole, Dorian, Vivienne and Solas really knew who I really was until the Inquisitor's return. They must have decided to tell every companion. I didn't approach them spontaneously, wanting to give them time to digest the truth. I know they felt uneasy every time they saw me, by the 'not so discreet' glance they were giving me.

Most of the time, I was with Solas. I had asked him to teach me how to read and how to write in this world's fashion. And he was more than welcome to share his knowledge. In the rotunda I would update my diary as much as I could. But with nothing else to do, I have decided to draw some portraits too, after all I didn't have a camera. I had drawn Solas already while he was too busy painting or reading. Leliana hadn't even ask why I was staring at her for a whole hour. _That woman I swear._ Dorian too, he was delighted and even posed for me. It was really fun to draw him, I couldn't keep a poker face.

The other companions were out with the Inquisitor doing quests, here and there, leaving Skyhold for some time. While I was in my self inflicted solitude, I had taken time to observe them. They were nothing compared to the game, there was so much more to them than the game had led on. Now they are so real, so raw.

I would sometimes feel a little lonely when Sera would walk away from me when I was near, or when Vivienne would glare at me, ready to strike at any moment. One day I was the most trusted Inquisitor and now I was reduced to a pitiful stranger.

"Can you tell me about your friend, Wisdom ?" I asked. He looked at me surprised.

"What do you want to know precisely ?" He raised one eyebrow at me.

"Is she a woman ? Do spirits even know the difference ?" I continued dangling my feet from the platform, as I looked down at him.

"Yes, she is. Spirits can manifest a sex depending on the person who's emotion the spirit embodied. If a man felt compassion, and a spirit was born from it, he would be a man." He finished.

"Can I meet her one day ?" I asked, twirling my thumb.

He smiled at me and nodded, visibly happy to introduce her friend. "I will tell her, that you wish to meet."

Solas and I went to the tavern together afterwards. People still gossiped but I didn't care. I followed Solas who went to a room behind bartender's counter. _VIP huh ?_ It was the room where they played the Wicked Grace game. Everyone was there but Vivienne, though the advisors came. The Inquisitor and Varric were there too. It was the first time I saw him and his wonderfully hairy chest. They had stayed behind a little after the fight with the Grey Wardens. Hawke and Varric are best friends after all. And my thought drifted back the Nightmare Demon. _Poor Loghain_.

"Don't be sad Kaysea. He felt honored to protect them both." Cole said, who I didn't notice, met us halfway.

"Still. I want to remember his sacrifice, even if it brings me sadness." I smiled faintly. I felt them observing us closely from the table, or me to be precise. I had been in this world for two weeks now, it was the first time I saw them after they had found out about the truth. I was a bit nervous.

"So what do we have for dinner ?" I said, changing the subject. I walked over to the table. _I'm always hungry in this world, goddamn._

During dinner, everyone was chatting peacefully to each other. Sera and The Iron Bull had a giant plate full of meat, eating like there's no tomorrow.

"Is that all you are going to eat ?" Solas asked looking at my plate.

"Yes, I ate a lot.", I answered, munching on some tomatoes.

"No wonder, you're so small ! Here, eat more." Bull gave me a whole chicken. The plate clanked at the weight.

"I can't possibly eat all that !" I laughed. He was cheering me up. The mood was so lively until..

"I heard you can see the future and euhm.. You also know.. people's pasts." Blackwall - or Thom - asked hesitating, in between bites of his meat. _I see where this is going._

"Yes, to put it simply." I answered, looking at his face. He's such a big guy. I never liked beards, they're so prickly, but it suits him. I might have seen his jaw clench at what I had said if he didn't have a beard. A part from Solas, he must be the most nervous about me knowing his past. "I'm sorry if I make you - everyone - feel vulnerable." I look down my plate, feeling guilty. "After all, ignorance is bliss." I finished, stood and took my plate to the kitchen with my glass. _That damn chicken was heavy._  

After dinner, I went and talked to Josephine. She was settled on her dainty chair, scribbling away on her desk, when I arrived.

"Are you sure ? You know you don't have to-" She asked, looking up from the parchment.

"Yes, I'm very sure. I want to help in every way I could." I answered eagerly. I had asked her to let me do some little jobs, like helping in the kitchen, cleaning and doing errands. _Cause they need some serious cleaning._

"I hope you understand my reluctance into agreeing. You are a guest here. How could I let-" She said hesitantly.

"Please..Josephine, pleeaase.." I begged, doing the puppy eyes.

She sighed deeply, "Okay. But you shall work only 6 hours a d-" She started, enumerating the rules to our agreement.

"Thank you Josie !" I hugged her happily.

_Finally I'm in action._

 

* * *

 

 

I have been in Dragon Age world for a month now, helping a little at a time. I had decided to study a little, learning about herbs and stuff. I never though a day would come when I would miss school.

I would ask help from Solas when some words were difficult to understand. Dorian would teach me some games, like the Wicked grace or Diamondback. I would sometimes play with him or Solas, after my chores or I would play around the courtyard with Cole. I would write in the rotunda with Solas painting, relaxing together. He's such an introvert like me. Josephine was in charge of the chores that was given to me, intent that I, _the precious entity from an unknown world_ was not treated like a slave. I must have looked really young in their eyes. She even arranged my quarters for me, I guess I must have made an impression. Leliana must have told her what I said at the tavern.

"Why not here ?" I asked Josie, one night on my way to the rotunda.

"It is not proper for you to sleep here, this is Solas's room." She remarked, shaking her head. I mean, I have been sleeping on the platform for a month now.

"You are too kind to offer me a personal room. I don't mind sleeping with Solas." I said sincerely. Solas jerked his head to my direction, surprised. I looked at him confused. People here take things too literally. "Plus, I'm not comfortable sleeping all alone in a room. I always slept with my sisters so.." I suddenly miss them. Josephine looked at me warmly, I must have reminded her of her siblings.

"I guess it can't be helped." She sighed. "Why don't you sleep in my and Leliana's room instead ? You don't mind, right Solas ?" She asked, looking at us both. Solas simply nodded, looking down on his desk.

"Hm. Okay, if you insist." I said, convinced. Josephine beamed and pulled me with her out of the rotunda.

"Goodnight, hah'ren." I said. He raised his head to look at me, surprised to hear me speak elven for the first time, _I just didn't get the chance to show them skills baby_.

But he was able to whisper, "Sleep well, da'len.", before I disappeared behind the door.

Silence engulfed the room, deep breaths could be heard if you strained your ears. The bed was almost like mine, in a level of comfort, but it was so big, three more people could have fitted. Josephine was asleep beside Leliana. I wouldn't be surprised to know she's just pretending. I sat and look out the window. It was pitch dark, only the moon offered light. I laid back in my bed, thinking. _Was I missing ? Or did time stop where I left ?_   After an hour of unanswered questions, I eventually found sleep.

 

 

* * *

 

 

I was walking down a forest path, in the middle of the night. A small light appeared in the dark, I went towards it. It was a fire in what seemed like a camp.

"You must be Solas's friend." A voice broke the silence.

"I'm Wisdom. Nice to meet you." She introduced. Her appearance was surprising, it was a first time I saw a spirit before. She took the appearance of a dwarf, but she kept her greenish skin and clothes, typical of the Fade.

"I'm Kaysea." I greeted.

"You are no mage thus have no connection to the Fade. And yet here you are. Solas has told me a lot about you." She said, smiling at me.

"I hope they're good things" I smiled and sat down onto the ground. I had asked her questions about the Fade. How does it feel like ? What do they do all day ? She has asked me about my world too. And before long the sun was rising in the horizon.

"It is almost time to go." She said, getting up.

"Can I ask you one last question ?" I said quickly. She nodded. "In this world I don't belong to, I am no more than an observer. What would be the consequences if .. I change the course of time, if I act ?" I asked hesitantly.

She looked at me, as if seeing through me. "You would stray further away from home."

Seconds later, I awoke in my bed, replaying the words in my head. _Further away from home.._

 

 

* * *

  

 

I was cleaning in the kitchen when suddenly, as I swept the floor, blood came sliding down my thighs to my leg. I blinked at it before realising what it was. I was on my period. _In a world, where Always pads don't exist. Fuck._

No wonder my terrible stomachache. I had completely forgotten about it as I skipped it last month. I wash the blood off with water and put a cloth in my panty. _So feminine, my gosh._ I had changed out of my stained under cloth in my room and returned doing chores. But after a while my stomachache was unbearable and I crouched down, waiting for the pain to subside.  _Damn period cramps._ I winced, trying to get up. When Solas and Cole came crashing in the kitchen. _Damn you Cole !_

Solas kneeled beside me, "What wrong da'len ?" He said, his features worried.

"She's in pain !" Cole cried, urging Solas to do something. Solas tried to carry me, but I stood and walked away, out of the kitchen. And of course, they followed me.

"I'm fine !" I reassured, trying to stand straight.

"Tell me what's wrong Kaysea." He caught up and stood in front of me.

"Leave me alone !" I shouted, unable to hide the pain from my face. His brows furrowed. I crouched down again holding my tummy, enable to look at him. _Uuh, this is soo embarrassing._

I was laying on my bed. Leliana came and had helped me come to our room to rest. She understood immediately when she saw me, and told everyone that no man shall enter my room, for the companions were starting to gather at the door after my outburst. I thanked her before she left. _She was my_ _savior._  The Inquisitor came to see me, her hands full. She had a basket full of fruits and some potions. She told me that people were worried and brought some medicine and fruits to help me recover faster.

"People admire you, you know ?" She said, as she peeled an apple. I looked at her in disbelief. "It's true, they always tell me good things about you. How helpful and hard working you are, despite your young age. All that without getting paid. You made me look bad." She winked at me, handing me a piece of apple.

I shook my head, "I am already paid. You offered me shelter." I said, crunching down the apple.

"No wonder they adore you.", she patted my head.

After she left, I slept a little but a noise woke me up.

"Shite ! Why do I have to, for fuck sake !" Sera cursed, her head was peaking out the window. She climbed in, dusting out her clothes. She froze when she saw I was awake. "Man, you're paler than Andraste's ass." She concluded before throwing papers at me. "Here, your lovers sent you pig's shit." She said, not moving from the window, keeping a safe distance between her and me. I looked at one of them, it was a drawing of Cole and me. I smiled, he must be trying to cheer me up. "Demons don't get sick, right ?" Sera mumbled before jumping out the window. I read the letters that came from some of my coworkers, wishing me well.

The last one came from Solas.

_"I would have wished to apologise before you but as Leliana did not permit. This was the only way. I did not realise my mistake until it was too late, and for that I blame myself. It was not in my intention to put you in a position of humility. I sincerely apologise._

_Solas"_

_I smiled, he didn't even ask to be forgiven. I went to the rotunda and saw him sitting at his table, a book in front of him. I came as silently as possible and put my hands on his eyes. He jumped, surprised. "Guess who ?" I said, playfully._

"I am sorry." He said, eyes still covered with no intention to take my hands away.

"Wrong answer. My name is Kaysea not 'I am sorry'." I said. I peaked at his face, taking my hands away. His brows were furrowed, he almost looked ashamed. "No, I should be sorry. It's not your fault. I shouldn't have screamed at you when you just wanted to help." I said regretfully, appeasing his furrowed brows with my thumb.

"I.." He started, finally looking at me.

I interrupted. "I'll spank you if you say sorry again." And slowly, a grin appeared on his lips. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who wouldn't want to spank Solas' booty.


	4. The dawn has already come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  [♬](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dh64mraTyMI)

 

 

The library was awfully dark, with only a couple of candles here and there, scattered randomly on top of books or on the railing.  _Aren't they scared they could catch on fire ?_ Every book placed on the shelves, all looked like encyclopedias, I didn't dare pick one for myself. In the same time, entertainment options aren't really .. diverse here in Thedas.

I looked at the crows in their cages. I never liked birds. They say that if you get pooped, you're lucky. _Lucky, my ass. I didn't feel very lucky having that on my shoulder. Gross._

"You don't like my pets ?" Leliana said, as she marched up the stairs.

"Crows announces death." I frowned, backing away from the cages.  _Don't they eat rotten flesh ?_ "Plus, I never had a pet." I said, shrugging my shoulders.

"Why is that ?" She asked, shuffling some papers on her desk.

"I wasn't allowed to." I answered. She didn't look up. _It was now or never._ "I wanted to thank you for last time." I said, embarrassed.

She smiled mischievously, "It was quite the surprise indeed. We knew you were young but not that you were a woman." She said, grinning.

"I'm not a child." I pouted, crossing my arms.  _I have boobs, you know._

"As you've shown." She said, almost laughing.

I threw my hands in the air in despair. _That rimed._ She laughed then, turning away from me, in a very poor attempt to hide it. I sighed, looking at her.

"You know, the divine Justinia.." She froze at my words. "That spirit in the Fade has embodied her hopes and thoughts. She was the light in the darkness. Hope. Help. It was her." I said slowly. I waited for her to say something, but as she hasn't, I had turned to leave her be.

"Thank you." She whispered, in a voice so low I almost didn't hear it. She bended down and grabbed a bag at her feet and handed it to me. "Your belongings." She said solemnly.

I blinked confusedly at her but she only walked away and prayed at her altar. _Poor Leliana_. I walked down the stairs to the rotunda, to leave her by herself. I lifted  the bag. _She must have search through my stuff._ I signed, rummaging out the bag, my pyjamas were here, I took out a pen from it. _Why the fuck is my pen doing here ?_ Of all the things, I could have accidentally took from home, it was a pen. As I put it back, I grazed something familiar. _It can't be !_ I looked at it in awe, letting the bag fall down the stairs. Solas appeared down the doorway, picking up the bag.

"Kaysea, Is this yo-" He started.

I ran down the stairs, and shoved the object in his face, excited. "MY IPHONE !"

 

 

* * *

 

 

I have asked the companions to come and see my wonderful discovery. _It must have been in the pocket of my pyjama ! My precious._ We gathered in the rotunda.

"So, what is it ?" Varric asked curious.

"It's called a phone ! It does the same thing as your birds and letters. It can send messages to other people too. But the most amazing part is that you can call them from far away." I said proudly. "Maybe I can call my family from here."

The Inquisitor scratched her head, confused.

"How does it work ?" Solas asked, leaning closely.

I turned my phone on, and a light emanated from it. The companions backed out a bit.

"Ugh, I don't like this." Sera said, clinging to the wall.

"Shh. I'm calling." I went into contact, and pressed 'Mama' to call. I put the phone on speaker so that everyone could hear.

I sat on Solas's chair, waiting. I was so excited. The familiar ringtone echoed through. Everyone was uneasy, the sound strange to them.  _I wonder what they're going to say, when they found out I'm here. I missed them so much._ _Hurry, answer faster._ The tone continued. _They're gonna be so amazed._ And continued. But it only rang.

As reason fell upon me, I felt hope turn into despair. _They weren't going to answer._ I felt the tears rushing in fast without warning, choking me, drowning me. I hid my face in my arms, trying to fight back the tears. _Of course. It was too easy._ They weren't going to answer. _There's no fucking connection._ Everyone must have looked at me then. The tone stopped ringing, replaced by an unbearable silence. Deep down, I knew. I knew and yet I wanted to try. Maybe to convince myself that there's was no going back. I denied the tears, but they were already falling. _No one was going to get me._ I bit my lip to control it, but it was getting harder to breath. I swallowed the sounds, but the sobs only came louder. A hand stroked my hair, to soothe me. I looked up, not caring if they saw the tears in my eyes, the pain, the despair. Solas poured his gaze into to my eyes, searching for me, through the pain and the sorrow. The tears blurred everything, but I knew they were worried and sad for me, even just a little. I found comfort in that. I looked at the phone. I felt so tired all of the sudden. I wiped the tears away and took the phone in my hand. I smiled weakly at them.

"Let's take a picture." I suggested.

The Inquisitor took Vivienne to the rotunda, she was the only one who could anyway. Solas kept staring at my face, but I refused to look at him. I didn't want to see the pity in them. I had asked them to stand behind the table, while I was pilling up books on it, so that my phone would able to take us all in the screen. They were awfully obedient, even Sera and Vivienne didn't complain. I instructed them to move closer together, before setting the timer. 10 seconds. I hurried between Solas and Cole, holding them both by the arm.

"Look at the phone and smile. In three, two.. one." _Zero._ I counted in my head and smiled. The flash flickered.

 

"I have never seen anything like this before." Solas said, looking at the screen where the photo was shown. And of course, no one was smiling on it, except me.

"How intriguing." Varric commented.

"Not bad. But still. The real one is more dashing." Dorian said, leaning over the phone.

"It can freeze more than a moment you know." I said. I took the phone and played a video taken by a friend while I was in a park.

"Ha ! It's you !" Blackwall said, his eyes shifting from me and the phone.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

That night I couldn't sleep. My mind kept asking questions with no answers to give. It wouldn't be at peace. No matter how I tried.

So I went outside, tiptoeing on the stone floor. I didn't know where to go but I didn't want anyone seeing me. I choose to go underground where the jail is. _No one will ever be here._ I stepped down the stairs, using my phone as a flashlight. It was colder here because of the open space. The moonlight shone a little bit, offering light, so I was able to switch my flashlight off. I sat down near the broken floor, but not too close, I was afraid of heights. _And rats._ I looked at some of my photos in my phone. _I miss my family so much._ The though of never seeing them again came like bullet. The sorrow exploded, unbound, and then I cried like an idiot, silently in the darkness.

When I was drained and done. I laid myself on the stoned floor, the cold numbing my body. I decided to sing myself to sleep. I remembered the song Mother Giselle sang after Haven was destroyed, when everyone was afraid of dying in that cave. And here I was crying like a baby over something so small.

_Shadows fall_

_And hope has fled._

_Steel your heart_

_The dawn will come._

 

_The night is long_

_And the path is dark_

_Look to the sky_

_For one day soon_

_The dawn will come._

 

 

_The shepard's lost_

_And his home is far_

_Keep to the stars_

_The dawn will come_

 

_The night is long_

_And the path is dark_

_Look to the sky_

_For one day soon_

_The dawn will come._

 

_Bare your blade_

_And raise it high_

_Stand your ground_

_The dawn will come_

 

_The night is long_

_And the path is dark_

_Look to the sky_

_For one day soon_

_The dawn will come._

 

I sang the song entirely before closing my eyes, sleep finally overtaking me. A soft light crept in to the opening. _The dawn has already come._

 

 

* * *

 

 

A warm sensation on my face, woke me up slowly. Sun rays glowed on the window sill, it was rare to feel the warmth of the sun, when you lived on a snowy mountain. I fluttered my eyes open, adjusting to the light. There were no curtains to dim it even just a little bit.

I raised myself to find I wasn't in my room. I looked around, I was in a bedroom with numerous paintings on the wooden wall, a particular painting caught my eye. It was a painting of a howling wolf statue in the middle of the forest. The blue and green colors were mixed well to form a hazy image, where only the wolf stood clear in the moonlight.

"Good morning." A raspy voice came from behind. I turned around to see Solas sitting beside the window, a book in hand.

"What I ..um. Where am I ?" I said, brushing my messy hair a little. He chuckled and put his book down.

"This is my room." He said. He kneeled beside the bed and took my hands in his. I looked at him confused. _Is he proposing to me ? What.. Is this the Fade ?_

"How do you feel ?" He asked, eyes worried. _Now I felt stupid._

"Better. Thank you." I reassured, I smiled at him brightly. He must have carried me to his room. I lifted my hand to his head, lightly touching his pointy ears.

"There 's no elves in my world. I've always wondered if you can hear better." I said, lost in thoughts. He took my hand away and stood.

"Because I am elven." He said, as he looked up the window, sounding more like a statement than a question.

"No. Because you're The Dread Wolf." I said looking up at him. His lips turned upward into a grin.

"You sang beautifully."

 

The morning did a lot more than offering warmth in the end of winter but also the possibility to eat outside. We had met Josie, Bull, Dorian and Varric in the training area. Josephine invited us to join them, for they were going to eat breakfast.

"What else ?" Josephine asked, pouring tea on her cup, which Solas eyed cautiously, holding his cup at a safe distance.

"Well, we don't use fire to get warm, stones to build houses, horses to travel, arrow and swords to defend, armour to be protected and magic." I said, while counting on my fingers.

"Your realm seems so different from ours." Solas said, putting his hand on his chin.

"Then what do you use instead ?" Cassandra asked in disbelief, she has caught sight of us while she was training and decided to join us.

"The explanation would implicate words you might not understand which would bring more questions. Let's just say my world is more 'advanced'." I said, scratching my head.

"It's like you're telling us that you know the exact reason why we don't fall from the sky." Varric snorted.

"Hm. We don't fall through the sky, because the earth pulls us in it's centre by an invisible force that we called gravity." I said, looking up the sky. Varric shot me an incredulous look.

"An invisible force ?" Solas asked.

"Yes. Like attraction. Every big mass - like the earth - attracts." I said, nodding.

"Like me ?" Bull said, raising an eyebrow suggestively. I giggled, shaking my head in disbelief.

"Yeah. A lot of flies." Dorian responded sarcastically.

I noticed that after my dramatic moment, the companions paid more attention to me. Solas would sit beside me in the rotunda while I wrote in my diary, Cole would always put white flowers on my bed, Trevelyan, Josephine and Dorian would eat lunch with me, Blackwall would chat up with me sometimes and even Vivienne wouldn't glare at me.

Eventually The Iron Bull, Varric and Sera came up with the idea of hanging out in the tavern late at night. I didn't want for them to worry about me so I tried to appear cheerful at least. They had invited everyone, Vivienne and Leliana alone were absent, they were in on an important trip in Val Royeaux. The trio had given us all a glass of ale, saying we had to drink a lot. They played Wicked Grace twice, before they got bored of it because Solas and Josephine kept winning or more so because they didn't have any money. _I knew Solas was a good player._ I had to practically beg him to come with me. They didn't really have anything to do, so I suggested to play Truth or Dare instead, which didn't include losing money. I explained the simple rules but they seemed a little hesitant. I wondered which part of it bothered them, the truth or the dare ? But eventually they learned the hang of it. The first three rounds were gentle, asking simple questions.

Suddenly The Iron Bull asked me, "Are you a virgin ?" I blinked, processing the phrase in my head. Solas who was sipping his ale, choked in it and started coughing.

Sera and Dorian laughed and smiled mischievously. "Well ?" The duo said expectantly.

"I leave it to your imagination." I said, shrugging. _There was no way I was going to admit their faces I was a virgin._ Not that it was embarrassing or anything just .. unladylike to say it out loud.  _Pfft._

"Then I dare you to.." Bull said, his eye venturing around the room for an idea. ".. To kiss Blackwall." He said, happy with himself. Blackwall and I turned our gazes in each other's direction in the same time. He turned his head instantly to Bull, when our eyes met.

"No, this is.. this is.." He searched his words.

"Bull, I think this is too harsh." The Inquisitor said, worried.

"I'll do it." I said boldly, getting up from my sit. The ale was taking effect on me and I wasn't a good drinker in the first place. My cup wasn't even half empty. Blackwall almost looked like a cornered bunny, his eyes darting from left to right searching a way to escape the situation. Everyone was grinning except Solas who was staring at me intensely, watching my every move.

"You make me feel like I have something nasty." I said, contemplating the 'grey warden' in front of me.

"No, it's not that my lady. This is just-" He said nervously.

"My lady ?" I said surprised. _No one has ever called me a lady before._ "You're such a gentleman Blackwall." I continued, cupping his face. He flinched at the touch. _How cute._ Solas's brow furrowed, as I caught sight of him across the table in the corner of my eye. _Too late to back out now._ I leaned in, I could almost hear the breaths being held in anticipation. I kept my eyes locked with Thom and landed a kiss on his cheek. _Naughty me. Wink._ I backed out, his face full of disappointment.

"What ?" I asked tilting my head at him. "What did you expect ?" _Schweppes_.

Solas was the first one to laugh, it was a silent laugh as he tried to hide it by putting his fist on his mouth. But it didn't go unnoticed, because everyone followed suit and started laughing.

"You made fun of me." Blackwall said frowning and I felt a little bad. _Not really._ I took my full glass of ale and held it out to him.

"Here. A peace treaty." I said. He didn't take it, sulking. But I put it on the table in front of him anyway and sat down on my sit. I was getting sleepy and must have dozed off for awhile because the glass I gave him was empty when I came to. A hand sat on the small of my back, I looked up sleepily, for I was hunched on the table.

"Da'len, do you wish to rest ?" Solas asked. I nodded in response. He held my hand to help me get up but I took it away.

"Can you give me a piggy back ?" I whispered, rubbing my eyes. He contemplated me before turning around and crouching down. _I didn't think that he would accept._ I put my arms on his shoulders and held into him, closing my eyes, too tired to keep them open. He stood up easily, carrying me as if I weighted nothing. Because he was a mage, I didn't think he would be muscled. I could feel the muscle flex under his shirt, every time he would adjust me, making me jump a little. We walked for a while, until he stopped. He tried to lay me gently on my bed, thinking I was fully asleep. The sheets were refreshingly cold, I opened my eyes slightly, he was taking my shoes off. I looked at him, he always wore this strange outfit which was longer in the front and behind. _Was it to hide his crotch and his butt ?_ He did wear some sort of skinny pants. He put my feet inside the blanket before sliding it upwards to cover me entirely. It was dark in the room for the moon had moved away from the window. He had noticed my gaze and looked at me. I took my arm out and touched his face.

"Your eyes are glowing." I whispered. His eyes shone so brightly in the darkness, it made my eyes hurt. He only smiled and tucked my arm back into the blanket. As he walked away, his back facing me, I was awfully reminded how he walked away from ~~me~~ Lavellan.

"Don't leave me again Solas.. " I breathed out, unable to keep my eyes open and drifted to a dreamless sleep.

 


	5. Halamshiral.

 

 

In the kitchen, the servants - I didn't like using that word - were chatting eagerly while they chopped some ingredients. As I was mixing some kind of stew or side dish that is cooking slowly above the fire, they had asked me to feed the mounts with hay and handed me a bucket of water.

They were thoughtful to not give me any harsh labour as Josephine instructed. But it still bothered me that I'm doing so little, so I decided to clean the boxes after I fed the mounts. I was a little scared to approach them alone but the mounts didn't seem to mind me at all. It took me a couple of hours but I did it. It was a little disturbing when poop didn't look like poop, I won't go into details, but I survived. It wasn't something to be proud of but it was the first time I ever really worked my ass off here. When the horse master came and saw me, he was a little scary, he praised me and gave me some coins. _It must be money right ?_ I looked at the silver in my hand, amazed. _My first income !_

"Why are you making that face da'len ?" A man said, a voice I know too well.

"Solas look ! Money !" I said, turning around and showing my bounty. He laughed and nodded, as he raised his arms behind his back.

"Oh. Did you guys came to train ?" Blackwall said, holding an axe over his shoulder, as he noticed us in the stables. I looked at him confused. My gaze turned over at the horses and understood.

"Are you asking if I'm training to ride horses ?" I asked unsure.

It was now Blackwall's turn to look confused, "Was it not the case ?" He asked, wiping his neck. He must have been cutting logs with that axe.

"Well, I do like the idea. But before training, I must learn first." I replied, smiling at him. "Can you teach me ?" I asked the big man.

He was surprised at my request, and seemed to turn nervous, as he looked over at Solas behind me. "I don't mind but.." He started hesitantly. I followed his gaze and looked at Solas, confused. There wasn't any changes in Solas' face. _Why was he looking at him like that ?_

As I wondered, my gaze fell at the silver coins. "Oh ! Can you keep these for me ha'hren ?" I asked him expectantly. "I don't want to lose them." I handed it to him. Solas took them silently. I observed his face closely. "Did you want to talk about something ?" He looked at me and smiled a little.

"I will keep these for you da'len. Enjoy yourself." He replied before walking away. I watched him leave wondering why he came to the stables. He never does. _Did he look for me ?_

Blackwall took me out of my thoughts, as he brought a horse out of the stables and called me.

I was riding a white horse around Skyhold. Well not really, I was only limited to the ground floor where the markets were. Rainier was holding the reigns and guiding me around, teaching me to stay steady on the horse. Not that it was hard. The merchants were awfully agitated.

"Why is everyone so busy ?" I asked, looking down at Blackwall, the horse was really high up.

He gazed at the stands. "You mean the merchants ? They are preparing for the trip to Halamshiral. We are looking to impress Orlais after all."

Later that day after my horse lessons, I came to the rotunda. Solas was painting his murals like always.

"Can you teach me how to dance ?" I asked peaking at his face.

He raised his brows in surprise, "You wish to learn a lot of things today. Have you not asked Blackwall for help ?" He replied, putting his brushes away. _Was he sulking ?_ No. It can be.

"I want _you_ to teach me, _please_." I asked pleading.

"How are you so certain that I am capable ?" He asked, crossing his arms, amused.

"Don't you think it will be atrocious for a god not to know ?" I whispered in his ear.

"It would be, yes." He said throwing me a knowing look.

 

I had taken my shoes off, just in case. _Safety precautions_. He had been teaching me for an hour now. It was harder than I though it would be, it was more than just turning in circles every now and then.

"You have to maintain eye contact, Kaysea." He said softly, guiding me.

I was looking down at my feet so that I don't accidentally crush his toes. Solas had placed his hand on my hip and held my hand with the other. I lifted my eyes to look at him, and it hit me then how close we were. He was way taller than me - everyone was in fact - that even when I was on the tip of my toes, I could barely reach his chin.

"Why would this be any use to you ?" He asked referring to my request, as we turned in circles. His warm breath would blow the little hairs on the top of my head every time he gave me instructions. There was no music playing but Solas followed a regular rhythm.

"I want to go to Halamshiral with Trevelyan." I replied, turning my gaze back at me feet again.

Suddenly he stopped and shook his head. "You mustn't. It could be dangerous." And of course, I wasn't going to listen.

 

 

* * *

 

 The trip to Halamshiral was coming soon. I had only one dance lesson, for Solas didn't want to teach anymore. So it will have to do for now.

"Can I come too ?" I asked Josephine who was settling down on her bed. She was wearing a silk nightgown. 

She looked at me and shook her head. "It is not simply a party wh-" She started.

"I know, I _do_ know." I said seriously.  _I know how it plays out._ She seemed to have understood, as she looked at me in the eyes.

"I will let you go if you tell me how fun it's going to be." Leliana said, in the other side of the bed. _I knew she wouldn't sleep before anyone does._ I jumped on her on the bed, hugging her happily.

"It's going to be soo much fun !" I predicted, happy she accepted.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"Hm, I think that this is _too much_ fun, Dorian." I said hesitantly.

"Hush ! Don't question me." He ordered, brushing his hand in front of me.

I had let him choose the dress for me. And I was starting to regret it. The dress was very sheer, it clung to me, 'accentuating my figure' as Dorian said. As if my dress was painted on my skin, the top was designed with flowers making my boobs really 'plum', the back was open into a V, descending dangerously low. The lower part was translucent, the flowers patterns hiding enough of my crotch to not be naked. Two slits were behind the dress, accentuating my butt. _Too much, way too much._ If this isn't considered naked, I don't know what is.

"Dorian, I feel really naked." I said covering my breasts.

"No. It's perfect." He said, taking my  hands away.

Vivienne was busy with my make-up. She didn't want me to disgrace the Inquisition. At least she kept that simple, natural. The dress was extravagant enough.

"Dorian, you should get dressed, they called you one hour ago to prepare. I'll do the rest myself." I warned him, trying to catch his attention. Vivienne has left to get ready.

"But-" He started.

"All I have to do is my hair. It's fine. You wouldn't want to disappoint those Orlesians." I reassured, pushing him away.

 

I had styled my hair like Khaleesi in The Game of Thrones. _Fan girl much._ I looked at the mirror, it wasn't the perfect imitation. My hair was black and was cascading just above my waist. As I looked at the mirror, I couldn't almost recognise myself. _Don't I look strange ?_ I never got the chance to dress like this when I was back home. Dorian appeared through the door, dressed in that red suit.

"Yes, yes. Perfect !" Dorian said, making me stand up as he contemplated me.

"Don't make that face. Chin up, back straight. Smile. You look the most beautiful when you do." He cheered, trying to boost my confidence.

"You look handsome too Dorian." I smiled taking his arm into mine.

"Of course, what else do you expect of me." He winked, and guided me to the hall.

The hall was dimly lit. The candles were casting shadows all along the stone floors, which created a magical glow. The Inquisitor had decided to bring Cassandra, The Iron Bull and Dorian with her. As well as Solas to accompany me. They as well as the advisors, were all standing at the entrance. They were dressed in that red suit, much like Dorian was. I had wondered why it has to look so much like a general's clothes. Just after Dorian departure, Leliana told me that it was to show that we are not like those Orlesians, dressed in extravagant dresses and hiding behind a mask. And they were dressed alike to show their unity but I was the only one who wasn't wearing the same clothing.

"You are our jewel of course." She said seriously, holding my shoulders. "You are the distraction." I had wondered what it meant when she had said it. But I didn't bother to ask for everyone was busy preparing. 

I walked carefully on my heels as to not attract attention. But as some nobles caught a glimpse of me, they had gasped loudly, alerting my friends by the entrance. Dorian walked proudly beside me, his head high. Everyone was just starring at me from head to toe, speechless. _Stop. This so embarrassing._ I dipped my head a little, to hide my blushing cheeks.

"You're a goddess !" Trevelyan cheered as she held my hands. Bull whistled loudly adding fire to my cheeks.

"Really beautiful." Varric said and smiled as he crossed his arms.

Solas didn't utter a word and just stared intensely at me. _Was he still mad because I didn't listen ?_   We went outside to wait for the carriages. Thankfully, Cole had helped me climb down the stairs to the gates or else I would have fallen on my ass by now. The sky showed numerous stars and the full moon shone so brightly, I had been intrigued when I first saw it.

"You look magnificent, my lady." Blackwall said, his hands held together. I directed my attention to him, I didn't even notice he was next to me until his deep voice echoed in my ear.

I jumped a little, "Thank you, Blackwall." I said sincerely, as I noticed Sera coming in our direction.

I saw her eyes widen when she saw me and a big mischievous smile appear on her face.

"Look at you.." She said her eyes glinting. I backed away slowly sensing some bad omen. But Sera quickly raised her arms and groped my breasts. I froze in place staring at what those hands were doing. But before I could process what was happening Sera snickered and ran away.

"You lose Blackwall !" She shouted, looking back. As I watched her leave, I looked at the 'grey warden' beside me.

"I have nothing to do with this-" He started, as he backed away slowly.

"Enough." Solas interrupted, his voice stern, as he took me by the waist and guided me to the carriage. Everyone followed suit, a smile on their faces.

_It's going to be a long night._

 

 

* * *

 

 

I followed behind my fellow companions as we walked through the gates of the Winter Palace. The view was breathless with it's massive structure, painted white and light blue with a hint of gold every now and then using the statues. I stood in place taking in it's beauty.

The garden in itself was amazing with the green leafed trees and the grand fountain between the stairs that lead to the upper level and into the gates. As the others continued forward, Trevelyan was talking to Gaspard. _I never liked him._ Solas noticed me stop and waited for me. He was standing there, his back straight. He almost looked like a prince. _Without that hat._ _What did Bioware do._  As people were starting to stare and gossip, I resumed my walk and took a hold of Solas' arm. He smiled, as he held me.

"May the gods be in my favor." I prayed, as we walked towards the palace.

"You have me by your side." He said smirking, as he leaned in my ear.

The inside was even more wonderful with it's marble floor and walls. The vestibule was only lit by candles but the floor reflected the little light it gave, making the room beautifully lit, balanced between not too dark and not too luminous. The introductions started as we entered the ballroom, the names were said out loud for everyone to hear. _The Inquisition is here._

Celene was dressed in that blue dress, with the gold halo at her back. Her skin was pale just like her hair. The Grand Duchess was next to her on the railing, his brother and The Inquisitor were below them. I thought it was rude for Celene to greet her guests in this manner. Her, above and them, below. The game of power has already started, making sure everyone knows where they stand. _I never liked politics._ I was to stay by Cullen's side, I wasn't allowed to venture into the halls of the palace with all the machinations going on behind closed curtains. I knew what Trevelyan was up to, investigating every corner of the palace, trying to decide who was meant to stay behind the mask. Gaspard, Celene or Briala.

The Palace was indeed beautiful, if not with all the false flattery, smile, words and schemes. You could almost smell the murderous intent, as the game went on. The Orlesians nobles were staring with no restraints, their eyes lurking below my face. I had felt embarrassed and uneasy by feeling so exposed. Some women came to talk to the Commander, completely ignoring me. And as usual he didn't know how to handle these encounters. I decided to venture out, telling him I was hungry and needed food, for it was the only way he would have allowed me to leave. As I walked down the stairs to the dance floor, he looked at me helplessly. He clearly didn't want me to leave him alone with those petty nobles. _Sorry, Curly._ The food on the table was magnificent with it's abundant food, the oil making the chicken's skin glistens in the dim light of the ballroom. Even the pastries were pure divine, I had eaten more than I would like to admit. As well as drinking red wine, dark like blood. It was sweet on my tongue as it poured down from my lips. The stands were pretty much empty. _Do they not eat anything or are they just to busy deciding who to kill next ?_

My eyes wandered to the dance floor, a couple of nobles were dancing to the music. _Where is the band playing it ?_ After filling my tummy with food, I have decided to look for Solas, as I though he was on the same spot as he should have been. He was leaning on a statue near a window. The moonlight shone through it was enveloping him with in a mystic glow, with little wisp flying around him. He was observing the room, probably looking for suspicious behaviour.

"Looking for some beautiful maiden to flirt with?" I said approaching him. He turned his gaze on me and smiled.

"I have found it." He said. I blinked at him realising what he meant.

"Someone to flirt with ?" I said, trying to hide the red stain on my cheeks.

He chuckled and shook his head. "A beautiful maiden." He replied, his eyes full of warmth.

I bit my lip, trying to suppress the blushing eating at my face. "Sweet talker." I mumbled. As I was evading his gaze, my eyes caught sight of the Inquisitor talking to the public faces of Celene in the garden.

"When do we get to the killing ?" Iron Bull said, approaching us both. _I can't believe his head fitted in the hole of his shirt._

"I see you have been enjoying yourself." Solas replied.

"The nobles keep messing with me and they think I don't know they're doing it. If this keeps up I'm going to wear somebody's skull as my fancy little mask." Iron Bull added, grunting.

"Be patient Bull. It will come sooner that you think. Stay near the Inquisitor. She will need you." I said calmly, keeping my eyes on Trevelyan through the window. They finally noticed my gaze and followed it. As their attention turned to the garden, I left them there, heading back to the ballroom.

I was leaning myself on the railing a glass of wine in hand that an elf nicely gave to me. I choose the best spot possible to watch the show that was soon to unravel. I sipped the wine, waiting when Morrigan appeared through the door. She was dressed in orlesian fashion, her gloves and the feather on her left shoulder were the only ones out of place, beside her loose hairdo and the absence of a mask on her face. _Who would've thought she could be a mother._ She walked towards the Empress. _It was soon._

After some time, Trevelyan walked in the ballroom, the Grand Duchess intercepting her for a dance. I caught sight of Josephine across the dance floor, her sister next to her, she was leaning on the railing too with a frown on her face when saw the Inquisitor dance. She too was wearing the general suit, her normal clothes were even more fancy than that. Everyone was watching now, intrigued. I couldn't hear their conservation on the dance floor, but I remembered it clearly on my head. I read their lips, keeping track of what they were saying, voicing their words with my own lips into a soundless whisper. When the dance ended, the advisors came to meet the Inquisitor. I followed suit in the middle of their conversation.

"This is, however, your decision, Inquisitor. Not ours." Josephine said in a diplomatic tone. Trevelyan frowned lost in thoughts and visibly tired from all the fighting that went on in the dark.

"Gaspard, Celene or Briala. Neither of them are innocent." I said, demanding their attention. "They lay traps for each other and they pretend to walk on them so that they too, can trap. Celene isn't unaware of her situation and took .. precautions for her own safety." I continued, looking straight in their eyes to prove my point. Silence sat for a moment before Trevelyan spoke.

"What shall I do ?" She asked, her eyesbrows creased. I was taken aback by her question, the fact that I could decide was unsettling. A name and she would've listened. Right then I could have changed the future if I wanted it. _You would stray further away from home._ I recalled what Wisdom had said. I looked at her and shook my head.

"You already know what to do. But be careful. All they need to do is to keep you out of the ballroom long enough to strike." I said confidently, taking her hand and squeezing it before leaving them to decide.

The Inquisitor and the companions probably left to the East Wing for they were nowhere to be seen. I was in a balcony, taking in the fresh air. _Very soon._ I breathed the cool breeze before going back to the ballroom. I waited in my initial position for the Inquisitor and the companions to come back. The Grand Duchess was back, a smug expression on her face. But as time went on, I got worried for they weren't showing up. Briala, Gaspard, Florianne, and Celene stood in the middle railing. The peace talks were going to start. I saw the Florianne shift and come closer to Celene. _You are our jewel, of course._ _You are the distraction._ I remembered what Leliana said, I looked around the room one last time and as I hadn't caught sight of them, I walked towards Celene.

_It's my turn._


	6. Behind the mask.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  [♬](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yR-o2ZFIQS8)

 

 

"Your Majesty." I called, bowing gracefully. Celene turned her attention to me as well as the others by her side. "Forgive me for my boldness, your Majesty. But I wish to give you, as well as your guests, a gift." I said, keeping my head bowed. I have never talked to someone like royalty before.  _I won't play their game._  I have to buy time for my friends to came back. There's no saving slots this time.

"My, who is honouring me such a beautiful presence ?" She said, lifting my head with a soft gesture.  _Keep talking._

"You flatter me, Your Majesty. I am from the Inquisition." I replied.

"What is this gift, you wish to offer ?" Florianne intervened, probably annoyed that I delayed her.

"I will be honoured to perform a song, Your Majesty." I replied, completely ignoring her.

Gaspard scoffed. "Well, why don't you accept, dear cousin ? Your party does need a little entertainment." He said arrogantly. I always wondered how they can bear to hear these insults thrown at them 'hidden' between the lines.

"Then I shall accept your gift." Celene replied, her voice cheerful. _Man, they play their game well._

"I am grateful, your Majesty." I bowed again, and descended the stairs to the dance floor, counting my every steps to calm my racing heart.

"Lords and ladies of the court, a benevolent soul wishes to bless us with her voice, wishing for peace to Orlais." Celene announced, whirling her arm around.  _Why do they do that ?_

The advisors came rushing to the railing, surprised to see me. Their brows scrunching up and their eyes demanding answers. _What are you doing ? Are you crazy ?_ I could almost hear them. The crowd came towards the railing too, silence slowly setting in. I was nervous, my heart was beating so fast I was afraid it would echo through the ballroom. But I knew what was at stake.

I walked to the middle of the dance floor, lifting the hem of my dress as I walked. _No tripping, please._  I closed my eyes playing the melody in my head, as I stopped. I would sing without music for the band, wherever they are, didn't know the song. I opened my eyes and sang.

 

_Look at me_

_You may think you see_

_Who I really am_

_But you'll never know me_

_Every day It's as if I play a part_

_Now I see If I wear a mask_

_I can fool the world_

_But I cannot fool my heart_

 

 

_Who is that girl I see_

_Staring straight back at me?_

_When will my reflection show_

_Who I am inside?_

 

 

_I am now In a world where I_

_Have to hide my heart_

_And what I believe in_

_But somehow_

_I will show the world_

_What's inside my heart_

_And be loved for who I am_

 

 

_Who is that I see_

_Staring straight back at me?_

_Why is my reflection_

_Someone I don't know?_

 

 

_Must I pretend that I'm_

_Someone else for all time?_

_When will my reflection show_

_Who I am inside?_

 

 

_There's a heart that must be_

_Free to fly_

_That burns with a need to know_

_The reason why_

 

 

_Why must we all conceal_

_What we think, how we feel?_

_Must there be a secret me_

_I'm forced to hide?_

 

 

_I won't pretend that_ _I'm_

_Someone else for all time_

_When will my reflection show_

_Who I am inside?_

_When will my reflection show_

_Who I am inside ?_

 

 

I closed my eyes on the last phrases, concentrating on my voice, before opening them again. The crowd was mesmerized - I hope - for silence engulfed the room for a while. I looked among the crowd to see if the Inquisitor and the companions were back. I saw a pair of horns amidst the countless heads, I held my breath as I saw Iron Bull first then Solas besides him, Trevelyan as well. They must have come in the middle of the song for they were casually watching me, a smile on their faces. Trevelyan broke the silence by clapping loudly, a glint of pride in her eyes, followed by Dorian next to her and then the advisors. The claps came soaring and filled my heart with relief. I bowed for the last time that night and left the dance floor, not eager to endure attention seeking nobles. I looked back at Trevelyan before leaving, and as our eyes met, I nodded knowingly at her and she nodded back, her gaze full of determination. I turned and closed the doors behind me, finally free of the numerous gazes upon me. _She knows what to do._

I walked past the Vestibule, fighting off the itch to just run outside, my dignity hanging by a tread. Once free at last, the breeze welcomed me, colder now, into the night. I took my shoes off, unchained and free. The place was deserted, _no one will criticise me here_. I walked down the cold steps with my shoes in hand. Every step on the frigid marble floor, pushed my feet to readjust on the flat surface. I sat on the fountain and dripped my feet into the freezing water. The cold prickled my skin but soothed my sore feet all the same. I threw my head back, eyes closed, in pure bliss and hummed in satisfaction. I sat there for a while, cherishing every seconds left. For the party was only starting.

The advisors met me first, circling around me. "You did well." the Commander said, tapping my shoulder.

"It was perfect ! You impressed them for sure !" the Ambassador cheered, taking my hand.

"You bought the Inquisitor some time. You distracted them." Leliana nodded approvingly.

Suddenly the Inquisitor came running down the stairs and hugged me tight. I was pushed back dangerously close to the edge of the fountain.

"We wouldn't have made it without you." She whispered, relief in her voice.

"I didn't do anything." I said, smiling at her.

"You are too modest." Dorian said, walking toward us.

All of the sudden Iron Bull came and lifted me in the air, I gasped surprised. "You showed them, girl !" He said, laughing and throwing me in the air several times, as if I weighted like a feather, making my hair flow around me. Fortunately, he stopped and placed me on the floor. I stubbled backwards a little disoriented. But strong arms caught me from behind, I looked up seeing it was Solas.

He smiled at me. "Did the grand attention made you lose your head ?" He asked, amused. I giggled as he steadied me.

"What a ride." I said, which made everyone laugh together. 

 

I was laying on the edge of the fountain, my arm over my eyes. This was a tiring night indeed. I was getting sleepy, and I would more than gladly submit to sleep.

"I do not think for it to be wise, to sleep here Kaysea." Solas said calmly.

The others went back inside to celebrate but I didn't want to go back there anymore. I had plenty of wicked eyes thrown at me, I got my dose for a lifetime. Solas stayed with me to act as my pillow, I was laying my head on his lap comfortably. I took my arm away from my face.

"You'll have to try harder than that to keep me awake, Solas." I said, as I stared back at him with sleepy eyes.

"Care for a dance ?" He asked staring down at me, a smirk on his face.

"You didn't even want to teach me." I replied, closing back my eyes.

I grunted as he made me sit and got up. He held both of my hands to make me stand, I resisted but with so little energy, it was in vain. I opened my eyes and glared at him as he postured ourself for a dance. _I wasn't going to do anything._ He placed my hand on his shoulder and held my back but as I wasn't consenting to this idea, he carried me up a little, to my surprise. He laid me gently on his feet, and started to dance with me, each of my foot following his. He smiled victoriously, happy with himself.

"I didn't think for you to be the pushy type." I admitted, as I laid my head on his chest, to show a little rebellion. I felt a tremor down his chest as he laughed.

"What do you know of me da'len ?" He said, more like a mockery than a question.

His body heat offered warmth on this chilly night, protecting me a little bit from the cold. I could hear his heartbeat through his chest, regular thumping sounds. I felt relieved hearing it somehow. I closed my eyes listening to the lullaby.

"Everything." I whispered out. He stilled then, holding me like that for a while, he didn't say anything. I almost drifted off to sleep when his voice drummed in my ears.

"And yet I know nothing about you." He said, resuming the dance.

I stayed silent for a moment, mustering some leftover energy before speaking. "You never asked.." I answered, in a voice so low which wasn't meant to be heard.

"What are you ?" He asked, a shift on his chest indicating he looked down at me. He had already asked this question months ago, and I guess my answer wasn't enough.

"A human. But that term doesn't have the same meaning here." I replied. I paused a little to think and he waited patiently. "A human is a person with one pair of ears," I moved my left hand blindly to trace the designed part of the body. "one pair of eyes," I gently touched his ears first, squeezing his earlobe lightly before following his jawline up to under his right eye, I left my fingertips linger there as I pressed his left hand with my right one. "hands with ten fingers and feet with ten toes." I poked my toes into his leather shoes and resumed my fingertips to move down his nose to his mouth and down further to his chest. "A nose, a mouth and a heart."

"Vhenan." I whispered as I let my palm linger there. I felt his chest heave and a puff of air flew above my head, as if he was holding his breath and it was only now that he breathed again. "It feels happiness and sorrow. He lives, and dies." I added, my voice a whisper. "Human, Elf, Dwarf, Qunari. To me, there is no difference. You are just you and I am just me." I managed to say before falling into a deep slumber.


	7. My world.

I awoke to the warmth of the sun again, squeezing my eyes lightly before opening them. I was still wearing last night's dress. I scanned the room, waiting for the drowsiness to go away, to find that Leliana and Josephine weren't in the bed anymore.

I jumped out of bed as reason dawned upon me. _Fuck. Fuck. I overslept !_ I took my clothes off as fast as I can, realising too late that I didn't have a spare one. I cursed, face palming myself until I caught sight of a coloured fabric between the sheets of my bed. I grabbed it, revealing a piece of clothing. I put on without a second thought. I didn't feel safe naked in the room with these big windows. There was a red shirt that I messily tucked under a pair of brown 'legging' and a long thick 'cardigan' to protect me from the cold. There was even a new pair of black boots. I ran straight to the kitchen, barging in the door, much to my co-workers surprise.

"I'm sorry I'm late.", I said, my breathing uneven.

"We heard all about your accomplishments in the Winter Palace. Consider yourself forgiven if you tell us everything." One of my coworkers, Berta, said.

 

After much gossip, they finally let me go to do some errands. I was to water the plants in the garden and pick up some herbs for the healer. I was carrying a basket and a large bucket full of water, when a small hand held onto the handle of the bucket and helped me carry it.

"Kieran.." I blurred out, surprise to see him here. _Oops I did it again ?_

He looked up at me and smiled. "What's your name ?" He asked, as he continued walking. His voice was soft, rolling easily off his tongue.

"Kaysea." I replied a bit nervous.

"Oh, you're the singer !" He exclaimed, darting his eyes on me. I nodded in response as we arrived at the flowerpots.

"Thank you for helping me." I said grateful, setting the bucket down the grass.

"It's okay, but I have to go now." He said sadly. When I thought he was going to leave, he just stood there staring at me.

"How come I can see you when you're not real ?" He asked unsure.

I was a little taken aback by his sharp perceptiveness. "I..I don't know." I replied hesitantly, not knowing what else to say. It was the truth though. I didn't know how I came here and why. I knew that somehow it was related to the fact I was playing the game. _Duh._ But other than that I had no idea.

"Can you sing me a song, next time ?" He said, completely changing the topic.

"Ye-yes." I blurted out. He's so straightforward and honest. I smiled at him warmly before patting him in the head. It was the first time I saw a child in Skyhold, he was the only one showed in the game. A big smile appeared on his lips and left me to myself. _He's such a cutie._

As I carried on with my chores, I went to see the healer, Helene, to bring her the herbs. She was busy with a patient so I waited, and sat on the stairs near the tents. I didn't like coming here, I always felt bad to see wounded - or dead - people just laying on the dirt. I decided to focus my attention elsewhere. I looked up the sky, the weather was a little warmer than when I first came here. _It has been 3 months now._  Spring was just around the corner. Skyhold is such a perfect name for the castle. The placement of castle alone was impressive, and with the reparations and upgrades done, it was amazing. My sightseeing came to a stop when Leliana, Cullen, Solas and the Inquisitor came into view. The Spymaster noticed me first as expected. _Them, falcon eyes._ The others followed her gaze and I waved my hand at them nonetheless. They came down and joined me.

"Slept well ?" Leliana asked smirking.

I frowned. "You should have woken me up." I replied, crossing my arms.

"I see you that you wear your gifts well." She said pointing a finger at my clothes.

"Oh. I-I.., Thank you." I quickly said, feeling bad for not thanking her sooner.

"Don't thank me, thank your admirers." She responded, clearly amused about something. I looked at her confused. Solas and Cullen sighed simultaneously, before glancing at each other. Trevelyan stifled a laugh, as she glanced at them.

"Josephine received some requests for information on your's and Cullen's lineage from a few interested parties at the Winter Palace." She said, trying to sound serious.

"Andraste, preserve me." Cullen said exasperated. Trevelyan smiled as she nudged his arm.

"Thus, the gifts." Leliana finished.

"My lineage ?" I asked confusedly. I don't even know the names of my grandparents. _Rest in peace._

"It is necessary for marriage demands." Solas said, his arms behind his back.

I broke into a fit of laughter, despite myself. "Mar--riage ?" I asked, in between laughs.

"What do you find so amusing ?" Solas asked, his brows furrowed.

"How can I possibly marry someone from this world ? I don't belong here." I replied, slowly recovering. I haven't even finished my studies. _How ridiculous_. I held my stomach, from laughing too much. Silence settled in and as I looked at them, their expression was unreadable. I opened my mouth to say something but was interrupted by the healer's voice.

"Where are the supplies !?" She shouted to a scout next to her. _I completely forgot !_ I quickly took the basket full of herbs to Helene. She turned around angrily and took the basket from my hands and kneeled next to a grunting man.

"Help me with this." She ordered. I rushed to her side without hesitating.

"Hold him !" She ordered again. She was rummaging through the basket. The man's blood was pooling under him, wetting the dirt below him. I held his hands, they were sweaty and wet from the blood. He held back harder, his hand shaking, almost crushing my fingers. His eyes were unfocused, clouded with pain. I didn't dare look at the wound, afraid my stomach wouldn't handle it. He screamed in pain and started to struggle, the scout came to help him settle down. I had to fight the urge to take my hand away at how hard he squeezed my hand. Suddenly I saw a sparkle of fire in between our hands, spatting out in between our fingers. _He was a mage_. I pushed the scout away with all my strength using my free hand. The fire burst out of control and grew wild. It filled my vision. I was on fire.

I was blinded, I tried to brush the flames away from my eyes, but it was in vain for it kept kindling back to life. I tried to free myself from the restraining hand but I couldn't either. Shouts and screams suddenly irrupted.

"-water ! Hur--the cold doesn't--he's rekindling the fire--Evacuate the ar--the tents !--take the wounded--can't save her--what happen--impossibl-" Countless voices said by shadow figures, merged to make a bundle of voices. Noise coming from all directions.

"Kaysea !" A voice cut through the meaningless voices, drawing my attention. "We have to kill him ! It's the only way ! We can not delay !"

A ball of green light appear above me, I though for it to be the light in the end of the tunnel, showed in the movies whenever a person experience death. But then, I realised it wasn't a ball but a hand instead, aiming just next to me. I understood then what they were planning.

"No !" I shouted, as the green fist shot down, I stood and raised my hand in an attempt to stop it. As soon as I took the hit, strong wind came crushing down on me, with so much force I though I was being pushed into the ground, making me breathless. My vision returned, the fire extinguished, gone like a bad dream. I was sitting on the burned grass. I checked my trembling hands and saw my clothes burned into pieces, my skin stained black. A pair of hands that wasn't mine, came into view. They held me close but only for a second before they backed away fast. I looked up and saw Solas looking at his own hands, they were burned. All of the sudden, freezing water came crashing down at me, the cold making me shudder. And yet the droplets of water became vapour, sizzling on my skin before it became steam. A mist surrounded me, as the water kept falling, until it stayed water, dripping from my hair. I looked up finally seeing the crowd that was around me. Their faces full of worry and .. fear. 

A giant cloth covered me, as well as a man who tightened his grip on me. 

"Solas." I breathed out. "I'm okay. I'm fine. I'm not hurt." I said, more to myself than to him. He held me so tightly to his chest I thought we shared a heartbeat. Eventually, he let go and looked at me, his eyes full of concern.

"Kaysea." He said, his voice deep, relief mixed with worry. I felt drops fall on my lap. Red. I instantly brought my fingers to my nose. Blood. He held me again and lifted me into his arms. Everything is happening so fast. He walked up the stairs to my room, carrying me as I trembled from the cold, leaving everyone there, unmoving as he pushed himself through a crowd. The warmth in my room felt like a blessing, as a delicate layer of heat sat down on my skin. Solas gently laid me on the bed, as he shot a ball of fire into the fireplace, making the room warmer. My wet hair damped the pillow, as well as my body with the sheets. Solas tried to pry the blanket away from me but I resisted. _I was practically naked under this ! No way._

He turned his focus on me, his eyes confused. "I-I'll do--do it, my-self." I reassured, my teeth chattering.

"I have to check for injuries, da'len." He explained. The Inquisitor came crashing in the room, kneeling beside me at the opposite side of the bed, the companions behind her heels. She clutched my hand.

"I will take care of her. Please leave us a moment." Trevelyan said, her gaze locked to mine. Everyone did as they were told, except Solas who lingered a little while before exiting the door.

 

* * *

 

 

"Do you know what the hell, just happened ?" Varric said, rubbing his neck, completely in disarray. Trevelyan had wiped me clean with a damp cloth, and dressed me with one of her nightgowns, which was bigger on me.

"I consulted a friend from the Fade, but she too did not know what to make of this." Solas said calmly. Everyone was permitted to enter once I was presentable.

"Is the wounded man okay ?" I asked, turning my head to Blackwall, amidst the  mountain of blankets over me.

He sighed before answering. "Fortunately, he's alive." The Iron Bull grunted in response.

"Obviously, the mage lost control and went havoc. But it doesn't explain why you survived." Dorian said, pointing a finger at me.

Silence engulfed the room, everyone lost in thought. Probably searching for an answer.

"Perhaps..," I started, making them turn their gaze on me. "Just like Cole, who came from the Fade and kept his ability, I too, maintained mine. But instead of mind reading and disappearing from thin air, I have magic immunity. It wouldn't be surprising, considering magic doesn't exist in my world." I said thoughtfully. Cole sat beside my bed silently listening.

"Magic doesn't exist in your world !?" Dorian exclaimed, repeating after me.

I nodded. "One of many things." I replied smiling. _That face._

"It is surprising but not impossible." Solas remarked. As the night fell, the Inquisitor left, followed by her advisors. They were to try and explain the miracle that just happened. I had asked them not to weave a lie, and tell the truth. I wanted to accompany them for I wanted to tell the truth myself, but they didn't allowed it, using it as a condition to their agreement. They left me to rest in my room and I fell into a deep slumber.

I woke up in the middle of the night. I did sleep in the afternoon. I took my phone and headed towards the rotunda, tiptoeing my way out to not wake my roommates. Trevelyan's frilly nightgown was dragging on the stone floor which was hindering my steps. To my surprise, Solas, too was awake and was painting on his murals. _Halamshiral._ He didn't notice my intrusion and an idea popped in my head. I turned my phone horizontally, and filmed him. I approached him slowly as to not wiggle my phone too much.

"I'm glad your hands are okay." I said softly, afraid I might startle him. He must have healed himself.

He turned around to say something but stopped midway, his forehead creasing. "What are you doing ?" He asked confused.

"I'm filming you. Freezing moments of time." I explained as I directed the camera to myself. "This my friend, Solas. He's an amazing mage and a Fade expert." I said to my screen, making sure Solas was on the shot. I laughed at Solas' incredulous expression through the screen. His face was almost as good as when he drank tea. Another idea popped in my head again.

"Solas hold this for me." I said excitedly. I made him hold my phone, the camera still filming, he fumbled with his fingers on how to hold it. The paintbrush he was holding fell on the floor."Hold it like this. Don't move it." I said, putting his hands the proper way. As he managed to hold it still, I went and took some books from his table, and constructed a support on his chair for my phone to lay still.

"What are you doing da'len ?" He asked unsure.

I took the phone from his hands and laid it on the pile of books. He felt a little relieved to be free of it. I took his hand, a little crusty from the dried paint, and led him to the table.

"Help me move this." I said, as I tried to carry it by myself. It was way to heavy for me. "Please. I'll tell you afterwards." I said pleading. He signed and helped me carry the table on the opposite side of the chair, it suddenly felt completely light as I held it. "Let's paint together Solas !" I said, as I took his paintbrushes. He looked at me confused. "I want to show you something, by painting it." I explained.

"It would be much easier perhaps if you showed it to me in the Fade." He reasoned, looking cautiously at my phone on the chair.

I shook my head vigourously. "We do it my way."

A woman's voice woke me up, as she cleared her throat forcefully. I squeezed my eyes from the sudden awakening, and looked up to see it was Cassandra. I jerked up, and looked around my surroundings. Solas was slowly waking up on the floor, which must have been what I was doing previously. I was in the rotunda with the companions staring at us, a smirk on their faces.

"What are you both doing ?" Iron Bull asked, an eyebrow raised. I blinked at him trying to recall what happened, my eyes fell on my painted hands.

"Oh. We were painting last night." I replied, pointing at the painting on the floor. We had been painting the whole night, at least in my case, for Solas has fallen sleep before me. I was so eager to finish it.

"What is that ?" Sera asked, as she leaned in closer.

"Her world." Solas replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Painting](https://carbonfast2013.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/blue-planet.jpg)


	8. I'll protect you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ☞ _News:_ I apologize in advance, I might not be able to update the next chapter as fast, because I will go in vacation in Barcelona for one week, starting tomorrow. I'll try putting the chapters up daily, but I can't guarantee it. Thank you very much for the nice comments, it really warms my hearts every morning :)

 

 

"No wonder you were special." Kieran said, as I watered the plants. I thought about what his words might have implied. Did he know what I was from the very beginning ? Does that mean .. _Baby god !_

"So you've heard.." I whispered. I was aware that people were afraid after what happened in the courtyard. Josephine had advised me to stop working for awhile after what happened. So I busied my days by hanging out with Solas while writing on my diary, reading books and playing around with Cole and Sera. I would sometimes hang out in the garden too.

"Yes, Mother said to stay far from you." He started, his voice low. "But I don't want to. You're nice." He finished, smiling at me.

"You remind me so much of my little sister." I said, recalling the memories. They have the same age. He stared at me, the smile fading.

"Where is she ?" He asked.

"At home." I replied. He thought about it for a while and stayed silent.

"Kieran !" A voice called.

I turned around to look where the voice came from and saw Morrigan, gesturing her son to come to her. _Busted_. I pushed Kieran softly towards her direction. He looked back, his eyes disappointed, before walking away reluctantly. Morrigan looked intensely at me with her golden eyes before leaving the garden with Kieran. _Such an unusual colour._ As soon as they left, scouts came running through the garden alarmed.

I intercepted one of them curious, "What's happening ?"

The scout stumbled back a little by my grip and turned to look at me. "Ser Blackwall is imprisoned in Val Royeaux !" He said quickly before resuming his run.

_Thom Rainier._

I walked towards the hall and as expected everyone were there, except Sera and Cole. The Inquisitor sat on the throne, her expression blank, talking with the others. I could already feel the heavy disappointment that lingered in the air around them. They exchanged a couple of words before dispersing to do whatever. I followed Solas who entered the rotunda, he looked the most disappointed of them all. He sat on his chair, ignoring me. I looked at our painting perfectly centered on the floor, so out of place, now dry. He broke the awkward silence first.

"There is little to say. I assumed we were alike. We'd seen war, knew its terrible costs, but understood that it was necessary. But there was nothing necessary in what he did. He did not survive death and destruction. He sowed them. To feed his own desires." He said, as he laid back on his chair. _I know where this is going._

"There is nothing you can say that he hasn't already said to himself. He tries to make up for it." I said, looking at him.

"By wearing another skin. He ran away rather than face what he had done. He wasted his time." He said, his voice stern.

"And you, by wearing a new skin." I replied, keeping my eyes on our painting. He shot his gaze at me, trying not to glare. 

"Are you implying that we are similar ?" He asked, locking his eyes with mine. 

"Did you not find it calming to see something familiar in another ? You are in no position to judge him." I said, crossing my arms.

He stood suddenly, "So as you." He said through gritted teeth, his voice bitter and yet controlled. But I refused to flinch.

"He made mistakes in his past, just like you. And like you he tries to make up for it. You can't ignore that just because you don't approve of his method." I said softly, trying to appease him.

In vain, for he left swiftly after, leaving me to myself. I sighed deeply as I sat, cross-legged on the floor. I ran my fingers on our painting. _It was dry now._ We had such a great time that night, painting away. It has been such a long time since I painted, it was a lost hobby of mine. I had neglected it, thinking it was a childish distraction, that, I had to grow up and do 'adult' or more productive things in my life for the sake of my future. I missed it. _Good thing I didn't lose my touch._ Solas and I pulled an all nighter for it. I was on my fours as I was painting, Solas too but he was simply on a sitting position bending slightly to see where his brush was going. I took my phone out of my pocket, and switched it on. I was trying my best to save as much battery as I could. I had no charger and having one didn't really matter. _There was nowhere to plug it._ I decided to watch the video of us painting together. I skipped a little bit of it, the screen showed us, facing the phone sited on the floor in the rotunda. I raised the volume a bit, enough for me to hear. Solas' voice echoed first.

 **"It is too big on you."** He said, keeping his eyes on the floor. I looked up at him confused, not understanding. He still didn't look up when he clarified, **"Your clothes."**

 **"Oh. This ? It's not mine, it belongs to Trevelyan."** I explained, focusing back on the painting.

 **"Did you not possess any spare clothes ?"** He asked. I gasped, stopping on my tracks, finally understanding.

 **"Oh. You're right. I shouldn't stain it."** I said, letting go of my paintbrush. I blew on my hands, drying the fresh paint on my hands. But as it took too long, I wiped the stains on my bare forearms before collecting the hem of the gown and tying it into a knot securely so that it was above my knees. He sighed before he handed his shirt to me, which I hadn't noticed he took off. **"No, it's fine. I handled it. Plus, I don't want to stain your shirt either."** I said, smiling at the thoughtfulness. He was left with only his green turtleneck.

 **"Da'len. Your attire is meant to be slept in, not to cover."** He said, his face as calm as ever.

I had replayed his words on my head a couple of times until I grasped what he meant.

 **"Oh."** I whispered out before the embarrassment flooded in. Awkward silence had settled. **"Oh."** I repeated as I looked down confirming that, indeed, it didn't cover perfectly with it's sheer fabric. **_OH. MY. GOD._ ** If people could have died from embarrassment, it would have been that very moment.  ** _WhatthefuckTrevelyanwhatdidyoudotomeIshouldhavewornmyownfucjingclothessoembarrassingwhereismyminiemousepyjamaIwannadiesobadrightnow._** I had slowly griped the shirt he was handing me, evading his gaze, and silently put it over my head, careful to not appear hasty.

I blushed despite myself seeing this scene again.

He went back to his initial place and resumed his painting. I gulped hard, trying to swallow the blushing that was invading my whole being then. I had felt hot all of the sudden. Nervous, I fidgeted with the sleeve which was too big on me, busying myself on folding it. I stole a glance in his direction, he was still painting, visibly not bothered by what just happened. I looked down at his shirt on me. He was awfully modest for a god. A facade, no more than to hide his identity.

 **"Are you afraid that they will find out ?"**  I asked, taking my paintbrush to paint again. I had only noticed then how my hair was bothering me the whole time until it was tucked behind me under his shirt.

_What a coincidence, with Thom's situation._

He waited a little before answering. **"It would be preferable if they did not."**

 **"What is your biggest fear ?"** I asked even though I already knew the answer.

He looked at me then. **"Do you genuinely not know ?"** He replied with a question, but he too, already knew the answer.

A moment passed. **"I'll protect you."**  I whispered.

His voice was awfully low. **"How ?"** I looked at his eyes then.

 **"However I can."**  

I stopped the video there. I had wondered why he didn't ask what I will protect him from. Although it was the most logical thing to ask. I laughed a little at myself, on how perfect the timing was. Not long ago I declared to him that I was his ally and with what just happened..

Solas and I haven't spoken since 'our fight' in the rotunda. I barely saw him. The judgement day came, the Inquisitor, as predicted, freed Blackwall to atone for his sins. I didn't attend for I already knew how it goes. Fortunately, the Inquisition has the favour of Orlais for our deed in the Winter Palace or we won't have been able to take care of his case. I walked towards the stables, a light rain was dampening the dirt.

He was there, broken and sad. He was sitting on his chair, staring blankly at his wooden sculpture on the table in front of him, unfinished.

"Blackwall." I called softly. No one had cared to address him since he came back, except Cole of course.

"You knew from the start, but you didn't say anything. Why ?" He asked, his voice coated in sadness. His back was facing me, he didn't even bother to turn around when he answered.

"Nothing I might have said, could have changed anything." I replied walking over to him. He didn't respond. _How can a big man become so little.._ I draped my arms around his wide shoulders from behind, knowing he probably didn't want me to see his face. I wanted to comfort him.

"For all it's worth, I believe you are a better man now. Much better." I said soothingly. I felt his chest heave at my words. _I hope I helped._ I took my hands away, and started leaving. He clearly wanted to be alone.

"Thank you.." Blackwall whispered out softly, barely intangible. I stopped in my tracks, and I couldn't help but smile. _I helped._ But as I walked out from the shed, I caught sight of Solas standing in the battlements above. I felt the smile fade away from my lips at the sight of him. His gaze intent on me, his expression unreadable. He saw everything.

 

* * *

 

 

 

The expedition to the Exalted Plains was soon, it was a journey planned to last 4 to 6 months. After our ordeal at the Winter Palace, Trevelyan though it would be wise to stop the incessant fightings, for there was no need for a civil war. The morning was awfully busy with scouts running around Skyhold, preparing resources for the travel. The Inquisitor has decided to take Bull, Solas and Cole with her. _And there was no way, I wasn't going !_

I had packed only the necessary but as I will be gone for a long time I took my diary with me. I went outside with my backpack, ready to go but Varric intercepted me.

"Good morning Varric." I greeted without stopping on my tracks.

"Angel, where do you think you're going ?" He asked as if he didn't know already. _My nickname is so lame._

"I'm going with them." I answered, walking down the stairs. I could see the Inquisitor and Cullen near the gates, as well as the others not far off.

"You can't." Varric said, gripping my bag.

"As if." I snorted, resuming my walk. Trevelyan had seen us and knew by the look on her face that she knew what I was planing.

"Why should I let you come with us ?" She said, a smirk on her face.

"Cause I said please ?" I tried, shrugging my shoulders.

"It is dangerous there. You can't." Solas interjected, he was holding the reigns of his horse.

"I know." I said seriously. "I also know that Orlesian soldiers are trapped there, because of a civil war, between Gaspard and Celene. And that the dead is being raised by a demon, just like in the Fallow Mire and in Crestwood." I crossed my arms, resolved to go.

Everyone's eyes widened in surprise, except Cole who is always impassible. He probably knew that too, if he has read my mind. I never really conveyed anything I actually knew up until now, apart from the 'subtle' hints here and there.

The Inquisitor smiled at me. "You'll be riding with Solas." She said, petting me on the head. I jumped in victory and hugged her, grateful.

 

* * *

 

 

It was a bit awkward to ride with Solas after what happened. My conversations were limited, talking with only with the remaining ones who was with us. It was the first time I was outside Skyhold. I was very excited as I looked around everywhere curiously, asking every questions that passed through my head, completely forgetting the awkwardness that settled between Solas and me.

The trees were super tall, the air here fresher than in the mountain and it was warmer. It smelled so green and exotic. It was early spring and it was lively everywhere I looked, animal ears peaking behind rocks or trees and birds singing above our heads. Cole even caught one rabbit for me as we stopped for a moment to rest. Well not exactly, he only approached a random bunny munching on some leaves and carried it to me. The bunny didn't even feel scared as it didn't try to flee. _Probably a spirit thing._ Cole let me touch it, fur soft on my fingertips. Solas had seem amused by my curiosity by the glances he gave me or the smallest smile that tugged his lips upwards when he thought I wasn't aware. _His name suits him well now._

"You're like a cub, running around in circles while barking." Trevelyan remarked, with a smile.

"I never had a pet." I defended, as I held the bunny in my arms. I let the rabbit free without asking if I could, afraid they might have wanted to eat it. I mounted back on the horse. I was in front of Solas while we shared the saddle. I had thought initially that being close like this wasn't helping. But it did. For one night, I had fallen asleep while we were riding. The swaying movement of the horse rocked me to sleep. I awoke, leaning comfortably on him.

"I'm sorry." I said sleepily, as I rearranged my position.

"It is fine, you should get some rest." He said gently. It was the first 'conversation' we had after a while. I felt bad to have fought with him.

"I'm sorry." I repeated, more awake now.

He must have understood what I was implying for he said, "You do not need to apologize. You were right. You are kind and compassionate, it was unbecoming of me to hold it against you."

I turned around, his face inches away from mine but he kept his gaze straight on the road. I held his chin, directing his eyes to look at me, it reflected sadness and remorse. How can those eyes hold so much guilt in them, the fall of the People and the death of millions caused by the breach resting on his shoulders alone. I cursed Bioware for doing this to him. He closed his eyes as I placed a kiss on each one of his eyelids.

"The healer has the bloodiest hands." I whispered, keeping my lips on his eyelid as I said it. The horse started to stray from the path, as Solas had somehow let go of the reigns, we were far off from the others now. I turned around and tried to take over, directing the horse to continue on the path. Suddenly, his hands covered mine as he griped the reins in control, making the horse trot. I was pushed backwards into his chest by the sudden pace. He let go of my hands as we caught up with the others.

"Here you are. I thought you guys got lost." Iron Bull said, as he sat with Cole on his giant Nuggalope, perfectly accustomed to it's rider's weight. _It kinda look like an elephant._

"Sorry, I fell asleep on the saddle." I said, smiling awkwardly at them.

"Nothing new, I guess." Trevelyan added, laughing a little, as she turned her mare around.

As we followed her through the forest and went on our way. Through my hair, I felt Solas press the side of his face to my ear. I reflexively ducked, for the touch sent tickles. I was able to stifle my laugh when he spoke unexpectedly.

"Ma serannas, da’lath’in." Solas whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Da’lath’in: little heart. An endearment used to describe someone who is emotional, carries their heart on their sleeve, is very empathetic, or very sympathetic to the plights of others. Typically used to describe a young person, but can be used for people of all ages who meet the description.


	9. Rollercoaster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❁ I'm sorry..

The bedroll couldn't be compared to a real bed but it was comfortable enough to find a good night sleep. It feels like laying on grass. We mostly slept under the stars with the warm weather on our side. We lay around the campfire still, to chase away the chill brought by the faint breeze. I could hear a lot of animals, it's sounds calmer than in the day, but still present. Crickets, howls, frogs, etc. At first it was hard for me to sleep without complete silence, but with all the travelling, sleep has been easy to find. Cole would mostly stand watch, for he didn't need to sleep, or eat for that matter.

  
"I've never been swimming." Cole muttered, as he looked over at the water.

  
I glanced at him and followed his gaze. "I can teach you if you want.", I suggested. We were resting our mounts, letting them drink some fresh water from the river. The others were busy setting camp nearby.

  
"Like floating in the sky ? I would like that." Cole said, his eyes hidden by his hat. Though I caught a glimpse of a smile.

  
I peared at his face. "It's settled then." I said smiling.

We travelled for one week, before arriving to Scout Harding's camp. We had only stopped to rest and eat on the way. _Great thing, they were no bandits._ We had settled in the tents to rest, Trevelyan and I were sharing. I fell asleep immediately. The coming days were going to be tedious.

The land smelled of death and fire. Houses destroyed, trees burned, fallen on the ground. Whenever a fight occurred, I would hide and keep my distances. I almost regretted coming when I saw the zombies. _Scary as fuck._ They didn't even have eyes to see and yet they would still know where you are, turning their heads towards you. _Horror movie style._

And second of all, we walked everywhere. Everywhere. But still I didn't complain. My friends had been fighting raids and raids of undead without a moment of respite. But I was amazed all the same, I have never seen them fight like this before. Not in 'real life' at least. Iron Bull would swing his giant sword around as if it was a mere stick. _Grey Bulk ?_ Cole was fast. Super sonic fast. It was hard to watch him, his movements faster than what the eye could see. Solas and Trevelyan were as wonderful, each time they casted magic, I would feel a strange pull and I will need to hold my breath until it goes away, I could have sworn I heard a faint melody. Shimmering light would dance around the tip of their staffs, before the glow brightens and it is thrown at the enemy.

  
We would sometimes come across a rift, festering with demons. The monsters.. Were monstrous, out of a nightmare. It was even worse than the zombies. But even so, I had found it beautiful. The malleable green crystal ever moving, surrounded by the green light of the Fade, who would sometimes burst, shining brightly. When the Inquisitor closed it, I couldn't help but gape stupidly. No wonder they though she was some Herald. It was incredible to have witnessed the power of the Anchor 'in real life'.

  
I felt so useless, cowardly hiding behind their backs. However, I would try to help as much as I could. Distracting enemies by throwing rocks at them and bandaging my friends wounds. It was all I could do.

  
"Thank you." Cole said. He was sitting on the shallow side of the river. The water reaching up to his chest.

  
"You're welcome, Cole." I replied, as I washed his hair with soap.

When the chance was given, I would teach him how to swim. It was a little difficult, explaining him what to do but I managed to make him float in the water. It had become our little routine every time we took a bath. He didn't know how to wash his hair properly either, so I took it upon myself to help him. It didn't bother me to bathe with him, he was a spirit after all. Plus, we kept our underclothes. _I'm technically wearing a bikini right now._

  
"Here, all done." I said. His hair was perfectly clean now. White foams were floating on the surface. I told Cole to go ahead of me, as I plunged under the dark water, washing away any soap left.

It was weird to take a bath in a river. _Isn't it full of bacteria ? I hope I don't get yeast infection._ It felt so good to feel so clean, I couldn't stand the 4 day old sweat, grease and dirt clinging to me. _How can they not bathe everyday ?_

I felt so reborn. It's such a luxury to find a safe place to wash yourself these days, according to Solas. It was nighttime and numerous fireflies could be seen. They were beautiful, glowing faintly in the darkness making the mood a little magical. But they were gross as hell when they didn't glow, they look like big cockroach and I hate bugs.

  
I shuddered a little as I went out of the water. I dried myself as fast as possible and headed to camp close by.

  
"...Soft, supple. Cuts too easily. Still waters envelops her. Hugging, coursing. It bounces too soon on the curve. No ripples above, unscarred. A brush of the hand to make it fall faster. The wind makes her skin crawl. It so cold. N--" Cole said, as I entered the camp.

  
At my oncoming Iron Bull loudly cleared his throat. "Hm. You're back !" He said as he sat straighter on his bedroll. He was looking at me weirdly. Cole sat in front of him, his back facing me.

  
"Yeah.." I said, slowing my pace as I got closer. They were awfully suspicious. Solas was not far off, laying on his side, his back facing me too. He was already sleeping on his bedroll.

Trevelyan who was kneeling by the campfire, let out a loud laugh, as she scooped from the pot above the fire and handed me a bowl.  
"Here. You should eat." She said, a smile, far too big on her face. "I hope you don't mind us eating before you."

  
"What were you guys talking about ?" I asked as I sat on my bedroll.

  
"Nothing, just, you know, manly things." The Iron replied, as he put his massive arm around Cole.

  
"How was the water ?" Trevelyan asked. She was laying her own bedroll beside me, sweeping some branches on the way.

  
I took a piece of bread out of my bag, and drank the warm vegetable soup. "It was cold."

  
Everyone was asleep by the time I was done. Cole has gone somewhere, but I was too tired to bother. I scanned the sky. The stars shone so brightly here and I could tell that the position of stars was different compare to my world.

  
I closed my eyes. "Good night Solas.", I whispered softly, so that I don't accidentally wake someone up.

  
"Goodnight da'len."

 

* * *

 

 

We have been in the Exalted Plains for two months now, doing quests here and there, cleaning away the zombies from ramparts to another. They would rarely get injured over them, and when they do, it wasn't too severe. _Nothing serious._

But once we encountered Venatori agents, that was another matter all together. Iron Bull shouted a battle cry before charging first. I stayed behind as I didn't want to hinder the battle watching from a far. _Big mistake._

My stomach churned at the sight. It was awful, it wasn't like killing the undead, so much like throwing a rag doll. The moment he swung his sword at a man in red armour, it hit his head, sending it flying sideways, the blood gushing out acting as it's fuel, the man's body twisting abnormally at the blow. And I couldn't help it. I threw up.

I was barely able to 'just let go' on a nearby bush. _Poor plant._ I didn't dare look at the mess, afraid it could trigger the sickening feeling again. _I don't feel so good._

  
"Kaysea !" Solas called, his voice coming closer.

  
"I-I'm fine !", I said, swallowing the bile in my throat.

  
"Are you hurt ?!" Solas shouted, his voice worried. The fight was still going on in the backround.

  
"No." I said weakly, recovering slowly. "Don't come near me..", I swallowed again. "Just give me a moment." _You don't want to smell that shit, believe me._

  
I straightened up, eyes closed and a hand covering my mouth. I felt a hand linger on my back, in a comforting manner.

"Don't worry. It's nothing." I said, as I inhaled deeply, taking in the fresh air.

  
"Are you sure ? You're all pale." Trevelyan said, her voice concerned. I opened my eyes then. It was Solas' hand.

They were all bloody, blood staining their clothes. And the gore image came back. I threw up again.

 

* * *

 

"Here, drink this, da'len." Solas suggested. We were back in camp, I was lying like a corpse on my bedroll, the slightest movement making me nauseous. He handed me a bowl, a strange liquid filling it. I drank it without hesitating. Everything, so that I could feel better. It was disgusting but in a good way. At least, it took the uncomfortable feeling away in my stomach.

  
"Time lapses. The hand cuts in the opposite direction of the clock. Gushing, spilling. Red comes where it doesn't belong. The half flying. The other twitching. The centre pushes upwards. I don't feel so good." Cole said quickly. "I can make you forget the blood."

  
I shook my head. "No, Cole don't make me forget." I replied, as I closed my eyes.

  
"I want to help." He said, coming closer to me.

  
"Thank you, Cole but time will help instead. I'm just not used to.." I started, searching my words. "I've never seen a dead person before even more so it's .. death. I .. Even in a lifetime, we don't get to experience .. that in my world."

  
"Are you afraid ?" Iron Bull said, his voice awfully serious, offbeat from his usual self. I opened my eyes, they were all looking at me. I knew what Bull really meant by his question. Silence set in, I thought a little bit.

  
"I'm afraid." I said, my voice breaking a little. "But not of you. It's survival. To kill or to be killed." I turned to look at the sky, away from their intense gaze. "I'm afraid, if I can't go back, that..a day will come when I'll have to."

The brightness of the stars blurred. Then I realised that I was crying. I closed my eyes and turned away from them, pretending to sleep. I was fooling no one.

 

* * *

 

"It's too dangerous for me to come. I can't allow myself to be a burden there. "I said, looking at the fort across the water. I had decided to stay in camp until they have freed the trapped soldiers. "They would be traps there and the dead will be present too. The castle automatic defence has been activated, but you can only deactivated it near the trapped soldiers. You would have to go through with it on." I warned, keeping my gaze on the fort. At least I could give them advice concerning their quests.

"Sounds like a great battle !" Bull exclaimed, excited. I wished them luck before they left.

I watched as they passed through the bridge. _The mages who will bind Wisdom is near here_ , I thought as I remembered how sorrowful Solas was after her death. How mad he was at the mages, furry burning in his eyes as he stepped towards them. I was so torn about letting him kill them before. _They were only trying to survive._ But then they killed his beloved friend, who probably was his companion in the Fade, for hundreds of years. _She was his respite._

I had been thinking about it since I came in this cursed land, I kept pushing the idea on the back of my head. By fear that Cole might found out what I was planning or just simply afraid that .. It was inevitable.

While lost in my thoughts, Solas turned and looked back at me. He met my eyes already looking at him and as he saw me, his features turned confused, searching my face. I turned away instantly, hiding what he had already seen in my eyes. _Talk about awkward._ I didn't dare look back, so I went and hid in the tent, away from his intense gaze.

I knew they would be back in a couple of hours, so I had to work fast. I have decided to to change the future. I was a fool, I know. But after that night, I couldn't just let it be.

I'll protect him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ..for the cliffhanger ;) I hope it wasn't too boring. As it was her first time outside, I figured it was important to include a lot of descriptions and her feelings.


	10. The rightful course of time.

 

The scouts didn't let me go at first, but when I told them I was going to bathe they allowed it. _Man I miss my bathroom, at least you can control the water's temperature._ I walked a little bit, until I arrived at my destination.

The terrain was really rough with all the stones just laying around.  
I arrived near the river. _This is where they will bind her._ I searched the place for the mages. But there was no one, it was deserted. So I waited, hiding behind a rock, really effective considering how small I am and how gigantic those rocks/ mountains thingy are.

Each place was always frozen in the same timezone in the game. It was a little different to see it in another light. _I'm going to catch dust in here._ I don't even know if the binding was even today but I knew that after that quest in the fort, I fast travelled back to Skyhold, and when I talked to Solas..

  
I must have fallen asleep for loud voices woke me up. I jumped from my shelter, startled. I searched the source and indeed there they were, I had found them.

The mages were panicking, their heads whipping at every direction, one of them started drawing patterns on the dirt, all the while chanting something. I ran immediately at them, without a second thought. _Dumbness thing to do._

  
"Stop !" I called, waving my arms around, to catch their attention as fast as possible.

  
They looked at me alarmed. One of them shot shards of ice at me, startled. I didn't bother to duck and to my surprise it touched my leg and grazed at my face. The shooter must have been too panicked to properly aim. _Okay, ice shards works. Noted._

  
"I came to help !" I shouted, stopping on my tracks. "There's an inquisition camp not far from here ! They will protect you !" I said quickly, wincing at my leg. _Fuck it hurts._ But the binding was already in motion. And to my dismay, Wisdom appeared behind them, not knowing what was happening, her face full of confusion.

I ran towards her pushing the mages away. "Wisdom ! Go away ! Hurry !" I shouted, urging her.  
A bunch of dark shadows was coming at us fast. Those were probably the bandits who were tracking the mages. They caught up. Out of the blue, one of the mages held me forcefully to face them, "Let's negotiate ! You can have the girl if you let us go !" He said desperately.

  
A man who appeared to be the leader, lift up his arm, gesturing the his companions to stop. I tried to free myself from his grasp, but suddenly the mage pushed me hard to the ground, towards the man. "You can do what you want with her ! Let us go !" The mage said before fleeing with his companions. I managed to rotate my body before I collided the ground so that I would fall on my back and not on my face and possibly spare stabbing my leg. As I recovered slowly, the leader raised his hand again and I understood.

  
"Watch ou--!" I warned. Aiming at it's targets, daggers came flying too fast, for me to finish, and the mages were dead before long.

Wisdom was trying to say something, as her lips were moving, but no voice came out. I got up and shanked the piece of shard off my leg as fast as I can, so the pain would be brief. But it made it no less painful. I stifled my scream and went to the nearest crystal pultruding out of the ground and tried to destroy it, they were the binding pillars.

  
My hands were filled with my own blood and my leg was killing me. _I have to free her !_ It was easier to destroy than I thought it would be. The crystals were smaller than I remembered. But before I could catch my breath, a woman pulled my hair, dragging me to the ground. I dropped the shard, as I tried to lighten her grip on me. She lifted my head to look at the leader, I could only see his eyes for he was masked.

  
"Isn't she beautiful ?" He said, snickering. Everybody laughed and the woman finally let go of me. I winced as I fell on my knees, the fall hurting my wound.

  
"What do we do with this ?" Someone said pointing towards Wisdom. My chest heaved at his words, I might have saved her from the binding but how can I save her from numerous bandits, all armed at that ? She was hovering in the middle of the binding pillars and was looking at me, her face worried.

  
"Leave it. It's magic's bullshit." The leader said, before turning to me. I felt relieved that, at least for now she was safe. "Set camp here. Tonight we are having fun." But we couldn't say the same for me.

 

* * *

 

 

I wheezed as I felt my wound burn like fire on my leg. The woman was forcing me to kneel as she was tying my hands with a rope. They were turning blue by how tight she tied me. When she was done, she let go of me, tossing me to the side, like I was some trash. They had set camp and a fire was illuminating the night sky.

The masked man came towards me as she informed him. At his approach, I tried to crawl away but he caught my leg and pulled me towards him, dragging me on the earth.

  
He towered over me and leaned into my ear, inhaling deeply. "The more you resist, the more I want you." He whispered, as his hands fondled my breasts.

  
"No !" I screamed, pushing him away, but he was stronger than me, way stronger. So instead I head butted him with all my remaining strength. He screamed in pain and rolled beside me holding his head. As it hurt us both, I was dizzy from the blow and couldn't see clearly, but I crawled all the same. Anywhere as long as it was away from him.

  
"You little bitch !" He cursed, stomping behind me. He kicked me hard on my side and air was knocked out of me.

  
I gasped painfully for air, as he sat on me, making it harder for me to breathe. My eyes were getting blurry but I could see that Wisdom was there. _She was still wisdom._ The man held my hands above me and with his other hand took a knife, and ripped my dress in half. _Dorian is going to be so mad._ I knew I wasn't thinking straight anymore, from the loss of blood or the beating, I didn't know. I was on the verge of losing consciousness when the man slapped me across the face.

  
"Don't you dare. I want you to have fun too." He said, pointing the knife at me. I tasted blood on my lips. The pain on my cheek made my eyes water but I refused to cry. _Either from the bruise or the cut._ He started unbuckling his belt and looked at me with crazy eyes. "Yes ! That's the face !" He said holding my chin up. "More !" He gripped my wounded thigh, trying to make me submit to him.  
I bit my lip to stifle the scream, as the stabbing pain rode on my thigh. "More ! Cry more !" He shouted, as he plunged a finger inside my wound. I screamed then, tears falling from my eyes, unable to handle the excruciating pain. "Perfect !" He said taking his finger away. I sobbed trembling from the torturous feeling. He held my hips firmly into place. Out of nowhere, a ball of green light punched him away from me, shoving him a couple of meters away.

I rolled to my side, catching sight of the knife the man let go of. I crawled slowly towards it. I could hear screams and the sound of clashing metal. A fight has started. Every corner of my body felt so painful. I collapsed on the ground, drained of all my strength.

Someone kneeled beside me and held me in his arm. Afraid, I tried to push him away.

  
"No more.. No more.." I begged, sobbing weakly.

  
"Shhh.. You are safe now." Solas reassured, holding me to his chest. I felt a hand hovering over my wounded leg and I instinctively moved my leg away. I winced, for that simple movement made my leg ache.

  
I looked up to gaze at his face, distorted by worry and concern, "Kaysea. It's me. You are with me now.", but even though he wasn't looking at me, his eyes were dark, filled with murderous intent. Pain shot down my leg, I held on to him for comfort. I knew he was trying to stop the bleeding but I couldn't stop sobbing and trembling, the pain overwhelming me, making it harder for him to add pressure on my leg.

  
"It hurts, it hurts, I can't.." Cole said, reading me.

  
"I know. I know.." Solas said soothingly, as if I had said those words myself.

  
"Is she alri-" Trevelyan started, stopping midway to cover her mouth, her eyes devastated.

  
"Those fucking bastards.." The Iron Bull said, through gritted teeth, while he threw a dead body to the side.

  
"Wisdom.." I whispered. Wisdom was still trapped. Cole understood and started to destroy the crystals around her, stabbing away, destroying it faster than I did.

When Cole finished, Wisdom could finally speak. She hovered past him and stood beside me. "Did you forget what I had told you ?" She addressed me. She didn't wait for an answer. "You shouldn't have done it." She smiled sadly, taking my hand into hers. I didn't know you could touch a spirit, for they didn't have a physical form. It felt like touching the wind, her touch ghosting over my skin.

  
"Please, explain." Solas asked desperately. His voice almost begging.

  
"Abelas in his eyes, sorrow that has not yet come to pass. Dwelling, hesitating. What would be the consequences.. Selfish or selfless. Two different sides of the same coin. How far is further away ? Missing, longing. I won't let him fade away for her." Cole replied for her.

  
I weakly squeezed her hand, having no strength left to speak. "Thank you, little angel." Wisdom said, before disappearing, back into the Fade.

I stared absentmindedly at the place where she was once. _She disappeared so quickly._ I felt so numb even though the pain lingered. Solas' face came into view, his features filled with concern. He held my hand, laying lazily beside me. His hands were bloodied like mine. Then I felt agonising pain on my thigh and all my senses came back, crashing simutaneously. I gasped and held his hand harder. Trevelyan was suturing my wound, tying the open flesh together. I bit my lip to suppress the scream.

"No. Bite here.", Solas whispered as he placed his hand between my lips. I shook my head away. I didn't want to hurt him. I squeeze my eyes shut, as the pain came again, and I could help but bite down. A metallic taste entered my mouth, blood. Blood that wasn't mine. I felt tears run down my temples maybe because of the pain, relief or the pain what I was causing him. Perhaps it was all of those.

Solas draped a blanket over me before he carried me carefully. So slow so not to shake me. We headed to our camp, in silence. Solas was carrying me on his back so to not add pressure to my injury, his forearms supporting me.

"Sleep, da'len." He whispered. I simply drew the letter X on his back in response. I wanted to talk to him about what happened. He must be so glad that his friend is safe. He placed me gently inside the tent. He gazed at me, brushing my hair away from my face. "The Inquisitor will clean you up." He said as he moved to leave but I held his hand softly. I wanted to tell him something. I smiled at him but he didn't turn to look at me. Slowly, he slipped off my grip. He just left.

 

* * *

 

 

"Your hair is really soft !" Trevelyan exclaimed, full of admiration. She was brushing my hair happily. She had taken me to the nearest river and helped me wash myself. They didn't let me bathe yesterday, telling me I needed rest, they had simply wiped the blood and dirt off of me. Every part of my body felt so sore.

As the brushing considerably slowed, I turned to look at her. She was thoughtful. "You know.." She hesitated, as she was stroking my hair. "One of the three mages survived." She said carefully, watching my expression. "Solas has decided to separately bring him to Skyhold, Cole came with him. He thought, it was for the best, you didn't see him."  
No wonder, I hadn't caught sight of him. I was mistaken, thinking they were all dead. I didn't know what to make of it really. We rode to Skyhold the same day.

The journey back flew so fast, for most of the time I was sleeping, recovering from my injury. We arrived in Skyhold after 2 weeks. Healing magic doesn't work on me so I couln't walk properly yet. As we entered the gates, The Iron Bull carried me in his arms.

  
"I heard you got hurt !" Blackwall said, as he saw us putting the horses back in the stables. The advisors and the companions came suit. I gestured Bull to lay me on a bloc of hay. "What happened ?" Thom asked worried. He must have been left in the dark about it. I simply smiled at him. "Kaysea ?" He asked again, confused to why I wasn't responding.  
"The girl lost her voice. According to Boss, it was due to the shock." Bull said bitterly.

  
Everyone turned to look at me, their features sad and worried. Silence sinked in at the revelation. I rolled my eyes and waved my hand in the air, 'saying' it was nothing. I saved Wisdom that's all it matters. _I succeeded._

  
The Ambassador came and hugged me, her eyes slightly wet. "We missed you." She said, her voice trembling. _You're so dramatic, Josie._ I smiled tapping my hand on her back comfortingly.

I'm happy to be back.


	11. Unvoiced price.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❁ "A new chapter brought to you by KCiery's airline. Please attach your seatbelt and enjoy your flight."  
> Taking my flight soon. I haven't slept so.. Yeah.

Cole has become my most loyal companion, he was the only one who could help me communicate with others. He could easily read my mind and transmit it to people.

_Cole, it's okay. Your help must be more needed elsewhere._

"Can you talk now ?" He asked, peering at my face.

 _No, not yet. But I'll manage. Look, I have this._ I wrote on a blank page of my diary, and lifted it to his face. **See ?** Good thing, I asked Solas to teach me how to write Thedas' style.

He nodded and left the tavern, he's probably heading towards a pained soul.

I didn't like keeping Cole with me all the time when he could be doing something more productive instead. But every time I lift the piece of paper to communicate with people, they would look at me with pity. It hurts when they look at me like that. I was chilling on a chair in the tavern with Sera, Krem and Bull. He had wanted to pay for breakfast and invited us to eat together. They were in the same table as me, drinking ale. _Is everyone here alcoholic, drinking this early ?_

Solas strictly forbid me to drink. As I was immune to magic, I couldn't heal instantly. He hasn't really talked to since I came back a couple of days ago, I didn't even see him in the rotunda. I sighed loudly. I can't really go and search for him. _I am so bored !_ I didn't really know what to do, I wasn't allowed to work with my current state, even though I could stand now. I wrote on my diary again and poked Sera on the shoulder.

**Let's make some cookies. I cook amazing, just saying.**

As she read the words, a big smile appeared on her face. "Yeah ! Let's do it !" Sera said, jumping lightly, as she stood up from her chair.

**~~Crem~~ Krem, would you like some too ?**

"Yeah, you bet." He said smiling at me. He's such a sweet guy.

"What about me ?" Iron Bull said after a gulp of his drink.

 _Of course._ I winked at him before Sera was finally able to drag me outside.

 

* * *

 

 

The kitchen smelled just like my own kitchen every time I made cookies for my sisters. They always loved the ones I make.

"Thefb abmazimg !" Sera mumbled, her mouth full.

She has eaten more than two batches, her alone. At first, I had some trouble with the kitchen so different. It was the first time I cooked something, but with 'Sera the cookie cooker', I managed to follow my recipe as much as possible, with what we have. As Sera munched on her last cookie, she made to grab another one from the other batch. I slapped her hand away, and shot her an angry look.

**You ate more than enough. These are for our friends.**

She frowned seeing the written page but resigned to leave the cookies alone, pouting. I took a basket and put the leftover cookies inside. As I left for the door, I placed a single cookie for Sera on the table.  _Last one._

As she saw it, her eyes gleamed and ate it in one mouthful. On my way back to the tavern, I went to see Blackwall. I wanted to ask him if he would like to eat some cookies but as he was busy sculpturing on his table, I couldn't bring myself to disturb his peace. Instead, I left some cookies, wrapped around a napkin, on a stack of hay nearby. Plus, it wouldn't be comfortable for him being around people, yet.

 **You better eat them before Sera does.** I left the note with the goodies as I left for the tavern.

I invited Cassandra as I approached my destination. She was always training, swinging her sword at the poor dummy. _She needs some rest sometimes._ We ate happily with Iron Bull and the Chargers, making sure to leave some for Cole, just in case he wanted to try them. I wanted to give some to Solas but I couldn't find him anywhere, I even checked his chambers. But no signs of him, his room was just how it was when I first saw it. I left the basket on his bed, with three cookies inside and left to see Josephine. Maybe she still has those frilly cakes that Solas loves. _I can use that as bait._

"Dear ? May I have a moment ?" A woman's voice asked, interrupting my train of thoughts.

I turned around, surprised to Vivienne standing in front of me. I blinked a couples of times to make sure I wasn't hallucinating. She talks so rarely to me, not at all actually.

"I wish to let you know that your ability has caught my interest, and my concern." She said, going straight to the point. "For safety precautions, I would like to test it." She crossed her arms and stood straight as she waited for me to say something. I didn't really know what to say for she didn't really ask me anything.

 **Is it the only reason ? Safety precautions ?** I wrote after much thought. There always something more to her.

"Of course not, my dear. You should think more ambitiously or you'll never be anything in your life." She replied, her voice as condescending as ever.  _Wait, did she just.._ "It might be advantageous to The Circles of Magi, to have an understanding of your ability." I frowned despite myself. Vivienne always showed her agreement on templars restricting the mages. As I might agree with her that, indeed, mages can be dangerous, the templars weren't using the righteous of the ways to supervise them.

**I need to think about it.**

She lifted a brow as she read my answer, "As you will." She replied before leaving. I watched her leave, dumbfounded by how fast she dismissed me.

As I stood there, a man called me. Clearly, everyone wanted to talk to me today. I turned around wondering who it was, not recognising his voice. As I looked at him, it struck me that he was missing a leg.

I guess it must have shown on my face for he introduced himself, "It's me, the explosive mage ? My name is Frederic." He said awkwardly.  _Oh._ I nodded vigorously, happy to see him. He seemed so healthy now since the last time I saw him. "I wanted to thank you properly for having saved me. I heard from the others how you stood up for me. And to apologise for having hurt you." He said sincerely.

**Don't worry about it. Plus, I haven't done anything. Helene is the one who kept you alive and breathing.**

He seemed surprise at how I communicated but he didn't say anything about it. But as I was 'talking' to him, I saw Solas pass through. My heart jumped at the sight of him. I quickly said goodbye to Frederic, much to his confusion and followed Solas. He entered his room without noticing me, it was still hard for me to walk but at least I knew where he was now. I opened the door to his room without knocking, my breath a little uneven. He was standing in the middle of the room, a book in hand.

He looked over at me and sighed. "You shouldn't have done it." He said, as he sat on his bed. He seemed awfully tired. A tint of dark could be seen under his eyes.

I looked at him confused. **Where were you ?**

As he saw the page, his eyes turned sad. "I visited the Fade to speak with Wisdom." He replied, his gaze went back down his feet.

**What's wrong ?**

"Are you truly unaware ?" He said, finally looking at me. "You should not have changed the natural course of time." His voice was angry.

 **I can't possibly let her die. She was your beloved friend. I wanted to help you.** I explained, writing as fast as I can, to shine some light on the cause of his anger. _Why is he so furious ?_

"I have never asked for your help !" He said as he stood suddenly, his voice loud with poor contained anger. I jumped at his voice. My fist clenched at his words, cutting me deep. There was truth in what he said, he never did ask for help. "Please leave." He whispered, as his gaze fell back on the floor.

 _Why does he keep evading my gaze ?_ **Should have I left her to die then ?!** I wrote, ignoring the tightening pain in my chest.

"You should not have gotten hurt !" He replied, as he suddenly took a step towards me. I flinched, dropping my diary to the ground and hitting the wall, as I took a step back. He bore his gaze in my eyes, as if he was searching answers in them. Suddenly he looked away. "I .. apologise." He whispered before going out the door.

I breathed deeply, pushing away the tears that threatened to spill, by closing my eyes. I didn't expect for him to be so mad at me, he, who is always so calm and controlled. When I opened them again, my gaze fell on the basket I left behind. _Might as well, take it back. No cookies for you._ As I looked inside, I was surprised to find the cookies missing. _Could he have eaten it ?_

Eventually, I noticed a bunch of people gathering on the battlements through Solas' window. As I limped my way out of his room, I noticed Cullen and The Inquisitor were up there too. _What is happening ?_

"Angel, come with me for a moment." Varric said, as he appeared by my side. I kept my eyes on the battlements, refusing to move an inch, as he took my hand, pulling me away. He sighed. "Believe me, you don't want to see that." Varric replied, his voice regretful.

The crowd was heading somewhere further ahead when suddenly I noticed a man in robes. Not that it was surprising in Thedas, with half of the men wearing robes and skirts. What intrigued me, were the ropes on his wrists. _Chained._ My eyes drifted to the sword Trevelyan was holding. _But she's a mage._

That's when I finally looked at Varric, who's face was sullen, only confirmed what I was thinking. He knew too and tried to stop me by gripping me firmly. I jerked his hand away and I ran.


	12. Help for him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❁ With all my travels, my studies, my exams and my problematic internet connection, it will be a lot harder to post chapters daily. But I will keep trying :)  
> 

My leg throbbed in pain as I tried to run faster through the corridors and up the stairs. The rows of people obstructed the view but I could already see the wooden platform ahead. I tried hard to push my way through, but I couldn't. Instead I crawled past the numerous feet. _How can they want to watch this ?!_

As I lifted my head, I saw the glint of a sword raised in the clouds. _A bowed head and a raising sword._

"NO !" I screamed. I felt my throat being slit apart as the sound escaped my throat. Trevelyan stopped in her movement, her face somewhat relieved and confused at the same time. The crowd turned to look at me. "No.. You can't." I repeated, holding my neck. Every sound, I made sends a stabbing pain in my throat. I held my breath because of the pain, my breathing slow. I stumbled a little when I tried to stand because of my weaker leg. I walked towards the platform, the crowd splitting to make me a passage. I went up the stairs and stood between the Inquisitor and the mage. "I won't allow it."

Silence crept in at my words, everyone was watching my every move. "Kaysea, please step aside." Trevelyan said, her voice authoritative. I shook my head in response. Her stern face distorted, replaced by anger "He doesn't deserve your mercy !" She shouted.

"It isn't about him !" I shouted back, I felt like my vocal cords were snapping one by one by the force of it. Even swallowing was painful. Trevelyan jumped at my voice. "It's about .. me." I said softly, straining my voice to come out. "I can't let anyone die because of me." I looked at her in the eye as I said it.

She stared at me, as she lets go of the sword, which fell onto the wooden floor with a thud. Her eyes tearing up as she wrapped her arms around me, hugging. "Your voice.." She whispered in my shoulder, her voice shaky. I smiled as I nuzzled into her embrace. _My voice._

 

* * *

 

 "Oww.." I complained, as Dorian was checking my very swollen thigh. I had taken my pants off and was only wearing a shirt.

"I almost didn't miss your voice." He said jokingly as he dripped some eflroot in some liquid before putting it over the swollen area. I winced. _It fucking stings !_ I almost regretted being immune to magic.

 **What are they gonna do with the mage ?** Even though I recovered my voice, it was better to not overused it. My throat was killing me right now. Dorian made me drink some nasty ass beverage, to soothe my throat but so far I didn't feel any different.

"I don't know and personally I don't care." He said, as he dripped some more elfroot. "I wanted him to die after what he did to you." His voice was serious.

**We know nothing of death. How can you use it as punishment when you don't even know the gravity of it ?**

He signed. "You're too good for your own good." He replied, shaking his head.

When he finished, I had invited him to cuddle on the bed with me. It was my way of thanking him. I knew he was tired, he often flattens the tip of his moustache when he is.

"Just for a while." He answered as he placed himself on the bed.

We didn't need the covers. We were lying on our sides facing each other, I made sure to lie on my good leg to not aggravate my healing wound. We lay there silently, eyes closed, his hand over my shoulder and mine on his waist, until his breaths became deeper. I looked up and saw he has fallen asleep. I smiled. I never saw this part of him. It felt really cozy with the fire crackling in the fireplace, which made the room really warm. It casted dancing shadows on the ceiling as the fire crackled. I held Dorian closer until I fell asleep.

 

 

* * *

 

 

I sat on a lone bench in a field of white. I gazed down my feet, staring at the whiteness of it. Little stains of white filled my vision. _Snow_. It was snow. I reached to touch a snowflake mid-air, and suddenly the cold overtook me. My breath puffed out a white mist in the air. The stillness matched the silence that dwelled.

"Kaysea." A voice echoed through. I looked up, searching the source of it. A light shone from afar. All of the sudden, the view faded to green. I wasn't sitting anymore, I was standing. Somewhere. A foggy and greenish place. A figure appeared before me.

"Wisdom ?" I asked. My voice echoing through the empty land.

"Yes. You are in the Fade." She replied. Her figure became clearer now, as well as all my senses. "I need your help."

Fear crept in at her words. "What ? What's happening ?" I asked, afraid she might be in danger again.

"Do not fear for me, little angel. I am well." She reassured. "It is Solas, I need your help with." But before I could ask her why, voices emerged from nowhere. Solas' and Wisdom's voice, coming from all directions.

_Why do you refuse to ask her yourself ?_

_I do not wish to make her remember._

_I was to die. Although she has prevented my death .... I do not think it is wise to tell you._

_Please tell me falon._

_She did not save me for me. But for you. So you shall not walk in solitude even in your dreams._

This was a fragment of conversation between them. I wanted to ask why she made me hear this, but she was already gone, as if she was never there. The green fog surrounding me was slowly dissipating, until it revealed a familiar place. _The Exalted Plains._ A fire was illuminating the night sky. Shadows were surrounding the campfire.

"More !" A man shouted. "More ! Cry more !"

My breath stilled at his voice. _I heard it before._ Then a cry of agony irrupted, so full pain, exploding into the night. The realisation hit me hard as I turned around to see where it came from. _It was me._ I was the one who was screaming. I was there on the ground crushed by a man. Blood down her...my leg. My eyes welled up as I trembled at the recollection. _I can't live this, not again._ White hot agony seared into my whole being to the point of unconsciousness.

Immediately, a ball of green light shoved the man away. Without warning, a blast of wind came swiftly toward the man and Solas appeared at his feet. I felt relief overcame but it vanished as quickly as it came. For Solas casted his magic again, his back facing me and crushed the man over and over, and over again. I could hear the bones breaking into the ground as it shook by the force of the blows. Blood was spurting around everywhere. I stepped back, afraid, the urge to run away so great, I didn't dare look away. The Dread Wolf turned around, his eyes darkened, unrecognisable. But then, his gaze shifted to my beaten body on the ground and his eyes transformed into that familiar grey-blue shade, full of concern and worry.

He picked me up so gently into his arms, as if I was broken glass. Every whimper that slipped out of my lips, filled his eyes with regret. He held me close to his chest, holding on to me as if I was going to disappear in thin air. His face showed unrestrained pain, as he stroked my hair, brows knitted together. _It didn't happen this way._ I looked around, some parts of the land were blurred, like smudged paint, the image incomplete, so foreign. _It wasn't my memory._ It wasn't my dream. It was a nightmare. His nightmare.

There was no Trevelyan, no Cole, no Iron Bull. Only us, and the crumpled dead body. I felt tears run down my cheek as I saw his pained face. He was whispering soothing words in Elvish, softly spoken through my hair, barely disturbing the silence. Even though, I didn't understand, the gesture warmed my heart. Guilt written all over his face because I got hurt for him, replaying these events in his dreams, restless. I was a fool to not have realised sooner. _Help for him._

"I'm okay.." I whispered, my voice brittle, as I kneeled in front of him. I leaned down to catch his gaze but he saw past me, lost in the moment. He couldn't see me. I raised my hands and cupped his face, cradling his face in my palms. "I'm here, Solas." I added, letting our forehead touch. I closed my eyes, wishing this nightmare came to a stop.

My body was between, separating us both. Slowly I felt hands covering mine, it's touch soft lingering, as though checking if I was real. But before I could look up, Solas pulled me into his arms, fast, knocking the air out of me. He was crushing me, making me breathless.

"I'm sorry.." I whispered, as I lifted my hands up his back, returning his embrace.

Upon hearing my voice, he pulled away, his hands cupping my face, watching me. His eyes bore intently into mine, refusing to look away. His face was close enabling me, to see the faint brown freckles across his cheeks. His touch ghosted over the wet patches on my face, brushing the tears away. I could feel his breath blowing softly on my cheeks as we maintained eye contact. Unexpectedly, I felt my heart sunk in my chest, making me breathless. A pull breaking me away from him. My eyes blurred, Solas' face indiscernible before my vision faded into black.

 

* * *

 

I jolted awake, surprised to find that I was laying on someone. I blinked the drowsiness away and lifted my head to look at the person below me.

"Oh ! Well.. Good morn--afternoon !" Dorian said happily. I observed him, confused. He laughed at my expression, his chest shaking under me. "I suppose it's not the best of the ways to wake up ?"

"Dorian, what happened ? Why are we on the floor ?" I asked, completely lost.

"I seem to have underestimated the width of your bed and considering we were cuddling. You came down with me. Not entirely my fault, right ?" Dorian said jokingly.

I slapped him playfully on the shoulder, smiling at him. Suddenly, loud voices could be heard, coming close to the door and before we could react, Iron Bull opened the door loudly, unrestrained as he took two wide steps into the room before noticing us. Shortly after, Blackwall appeared behind him, scanning hesitantly his surroundings before stepping in, when he too, laid his eyes on us. _Fuck._

"Why wasn't I invited ?" Iron Bull said, an eyebrow raised and a grin on his face. Blackwall just stood there frozen in place, as he simply stared at us in shock. I quickly got off of Dorian, sitting next to him, as he sat up too. I tugged at my shirt in a helpless way to hide my crotch region, which made Blackwall, who was blatantly staring, lower his gaze away from us. At least, someone here is a gentleman.

"I-I, euhm, apologise. We didn't mean to intrude. We'll be taking our leave--" Blackwall blurted out as he was clearly distressed by the whole situation.

"Nah, don't worry about it. Dorian isn't into that." Iron Bull interrupted, amused as he eyed Dorian.

Dorian let out a rich laugh. "You would know, would you ?" They threw a knowing look at each other.

I smiled at their growing relationship despite my embarrassment. As they were busily talking, I managed to snatch the blanket of my bed, and used it to cover any exposed skin.

"I shouldn't be surprised at this." I said, making sure to keep my voice low, as I messily draped the cover over me. "Barging without knocking." Iron Bull laughed at my complaint.

"Sorry, sorry. But we heard what happened in the battlements. We got worried and wanted to check on you." Bull said, as he crouched down to level his gaze with mine. "You're so reckless, always jumping into danger, head first."

I stared back at him, seeing concern in his eye. It was selfish of me to do things mindlessly, acting purely on impulse, unconcerned I was making them worry..and guilty, to not have protected me better.

"I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention. I didn't think anyone really cared.. With me being a stranger and all. I'm sorry." I said, lowering my head in apology.

"Silly girl. I'll start growing white hair, if you keep that up." Dorian said, as he comfortingly laid a hand on my head.

"Just, no more doing things behind our backs, okay ? We're the ones who charge ahead." Iron Bull added, pointing a finger to his chest.

"Yes, my lady. Please do not venture alone in the wilderness. You can count on us." Blackwall said, his voice serious.

"I agree."

I jumped at the sound of his voice. Everyone turned around to see Solas standing by the door. I felt tears prickle my eyes at the sight of him, remembering the dream previously. We didn't see each other for days and I missed him. But when we did finally get to talk, we fought. I tried to swallow the lump forming in my throat, as he walked towards me. I evaded his gaze, keeping my eyes on the floor. I held the sheet tighter around me, feeling like I was in some sort of trouble. I did enter his dream without permission.

"Need a moment, I assume ?" Dorian suggested, an eyebrow raised. He stood from the floor, dusting off his clothes. I shot him a pleading look. _Don't leave me alone with him_. I wasn't ready to face Solas yet. After our argument in his quarters and the nightmare, I felt incredibly nervous to talk to him.

"Yes, thank you." Solas replied. I saw Dorian's feet walk out the door, followed by the warriors.

"Goodbye my lady." Blackwall said, before the door is closed.

Awkward silence nestled in the room after their departure. I bit my lip, waiting dreadfully to be reprimanded. For he probably know now, what happened in the battlements.

"Da'len," He started. My chest heaved at his tone. _It wasn't angry._ "Why are you on the floor ?"

I looked up puzzled, it wasn't what I expected him to say. His face was calm, he looked down to me, offering his hand. I blinked stupidly at it a little before taking it.

"I-I woke up like this." I stuttered. "Dorian and I fell off the bed when we woke up. He patch up my leg so, I let him sleep with me." Solas frowned as he helped me get up from the floor. _My butt feels cold._ "It's not what you think ! Not in that context. Dorian is my friend. And he's totally not into me or anything," I rambled, the nervousness tangling the words in my head. "He has other taste, actually, we ha--"

Unexpectedly, Solas reached out to me. "I apologised for having yelled at you." He said, as his hand stroked my hair. He never touched me before. "It was inconsiderate of me, after what you've done. You saved my friend. And you deserve far more, than what my gratefulness can offer."

His face was full of remorse, as I watched him. I shook my head, taking his hand from my face and squeezing it gently. "If you have to offer me something; Then, put it behind us." I held my other hand up his face, my thumb tracing his brow, soothing his remorseful features.

"No more."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was such a mix of emotions XD  
> Okay I know this is random. But how many of you are reading fan fictions on your phone ? Or your computer ? The format is totally different.  
> Update: I changed out a scene btw. And I totally don't regret it :)


	13. Life and death.

I curled the blanket tight around me as I tiptoed, barefooted on the stone floor. It wasn't really cold, for somehow the fire was still burning lightly. I navigated around the room, towards the wardrobe where I kept my clothes. I quickly put on a simple dress, letting the white sheet pool around my feet.

My thigh was still covered in dry elroot leafs, so I figured it was better to wear something practical in case I had to reapply the medicine. The sun just appeared on the horizon casting faint sun rays onto the window glass. It's been five months since I came here and I luckily arrived at the end of winter. And summer was coming our way, with the sun being so warm lately.

I softly hummed a song, the nice weather putting me on a good mood. My throat was slightly sore as thought it got rusty, but clearly better than yesterday. As I was making my bed, I heard the door open behind me, revealing Trevelyan as she entered the room.

"Good morning Kaysea." She greeted, a big smile on her face.

I returned the greeting, as I patted the bed. "Did you need something from me ?" "I brought breakfast !" She chimed, showing me a wooden basket.

It was filled with fruits, bread, cheese and wine. I helped her place the food on the table as she took them out. We sat in front of the window, exposed by the warmth of the sun outside. We ate happily, chatting about random things. I rarely see her around Skyhold, with her being all over the place.

"I have decided to make the spared mage sit in judgement again." Trevelyan said, watching me closely. "I hope you won't intervene this time, Kaysea." I nodded in response, making the features on her face relax. No wonder, the private breakfast.

"Will you attend ?" She asked, placing a piece of apple on my plate.

I thought about it deeply as I stared down at it. I didn't want to see the mage again, after what happened but deep down I wanted to, somehow. I wanted look at him straight in the eye to see if he regretted what he has done. Or perhaps, he hated me for imprisoning him. I didn't dare glance at him on the platform when I stopped the execution, evading his lowered figure, afraid he might somehow convinced me to either save him, as he begged, or .. kill him, as he cursed at me.

"You don't have to if you don't want to." She added, as I let the silence dwell for too long. _No. I won't give him power over me._ The decision was based on me. Not on him.

"I want to attend."

 

* * *

 

 

Two scouts dragged the mage through the hall, making no effort to lift his legs. I stood near the throne, where Trevelyan sat, both elbows resting on it's arms'. Solas stood calmly amidst the ever stirring crowd. Silence was only disturbed by their footsteps.

"Barnabus Kodrin is accused of attempted murder on one of my ally. She, who has granted you a second chance by interrupting your imminent death." She said, as she linked her fingers together. "I will keep this brief. So speak wisely." She ordered. Her voice would have sounded scary if I didn't know her.

The mage lifted his head, uncombed black hair, robe disheveled, chained. His face brought an awful feeling in my stomach. "I told you ! I didn't have a choice. The bandits were going to kill me !" He said desperately.

"And yet, you, are clearly alive." the Inquisitor said, her face impassible.

The mage frowned at her words. And as his gaze fell upon me, "You ! You know right ?! You tried to save me ?!" He shouted at my direction, as he tried to approach me. I saw Solas frown at the sight. The scouts beside him, restrained him firmly before he could make another step. _I won't falter._

"And you repay me, by sacrificing me instead ?" I responded, surprised by the tone of my voice. The mage stared at me wide eyed. "There was a time when I pitied you. You didn't know. You were..an ignorant fool." I continued, unable to stop myself now that I had started. I was mad at him but I pitied him all the same. "But now I see. It doesn't matter that it was me. It could have been anyone. Just to save yours, you were ready to lay someone's else life in exchange." _Wisdom's life in exchange_.

"I just wanted to live !" He shouted, as if it was an obvious statement, as if it could wipe away the bad memory, what he did. But it can't.

"You have lost that right the moment you pushed me into the dirt ! To suffer your fate instead." The words tasted bitter in my mouth as I said it. The mage lowered his head, his eyes full of despair, resigned. I breathed deeply, feeling less heavy, burdened words now off my chest.

"It's decided. Barnabus Kodrin, you are to be sent in Kirkwall, back to your Circle. Let them deal of what has become of their former student." Trevelyan finished.

With the judgement said, I watched as they dragged the mage back out and people started to disperse. _I would never see him again._ Solas climbed up the steps, heading towards my direction.

"You did well da'len." He said, a faint smile on his lips.

"I'm glad it's over now." I said, weakly returning the smile.

 

* * *

 

 

 

I lie on the bed, looking up the ceiling. Solas sat on a low chair next to the bed, my leg placed on his lap. He was busy tending to my thigh even after I said I could take care of it myself. The paste, he was applying, look awfully different from Dorian's. A cold mixture of green, red and brown, coloured my skin as he applied it.

"Is it elroot mixed with blood lotus ? It smells potent." I said, wriggling my nose, as I watched him.

"I see you have preoccupied yourself with the books I lent you." He said, as he dipped his fingers in the bowl filled with the guacamole like mixture.

"I had nothing better to do, with my leg as it is." I replied, shrugging my shoulders. Silence settled in as he didn't respond. I looked over to him to find that he was intently staring at me, eyes seeing past mine. I broke the stare as I slumped my head back, pillow puffing out the pressure.

"S-Stop that." I ordered. Blood rushing slowly to my cheeks, as his gaze prickled my skin. "Stop staring."

He rectified himself, returning his focus on my leg. "I apologise. My manners shame me. Regardless, I found you fascinating." He admitted, his voice calm.

"It's not a surprise considering I'm not from this world." I replied, forcing myself to concentrate on the fireplace as I'm slowly becoming self-conscious. And his hands on my thigh weren't helping. "And here I thought that, by now you would've seen greater things than me in your immortal life hah'ren." I said jokingly, glancing at him.

"Presumably so, but nothing such as you. As your nature might have sparked my interest, I do not convey it to be fully responsible. I spoke of your undeniable curiosity, your intelligence. An innate wisdom, so foreign in such a young age. You often surprise me." He said, as he continued to apply the medicine on my thigh. _Is it getting hot in here or is it just me, damn it._

"Sparked your interest ?" I asked, embarrassed. How can he say this to my face without blinking. He was literally shooting compliments at me. _Oh my god, just get it over with._ I had to fight the urge to writhe under his touch.

He chuckled, the sound echoing in the room. "A figure of speech."

I gulped hard at his reply. I've heard it before in Solas' cinematic after the attack in Haven. It felt strange to hear it again in a different context, even weirder that it was directed to me.

"Hm." was all I managed to reply, as I pursed my lips. _He's a character from a video game. Not real, not real. Pixels only._  I played the words on repeat in my head. He shifted in his seat, as he probably took the bandage from the table nearby before he neatly wrapped it around my thigh. _I can't handle this anymore !_ I raised myself off the bed and sat on the edge.

"I'll take over !" I said as I moved my leg away from him, placing it on the ground. I clumsily busied myself with the task, evading his gaze.

"Allow me da'len." He said as he moved to kneel in front of me. "It is, after all the result of my negligence." He said, taking the cloth from me and doing a better job at bandaging me. It was his turn to evade his gaze.

I cupped his face, directing his eyes to look at me. "Haven't we talked about this ? It's not your fault." I said, forgetting the embarrassment previously. His eyes were sad, full of guilt and shame. "It burdens me if you feel so. So don't." I begged, as I caressed his cheek with my thumb, hoping it could brush it all away.

"Tell me, why you've gone to such extents." He asked, his eyes already searching my face for any explanations plausible.

I opened my mouth, but no words came. I hesitated trying to piece the words together in my head. My hands fell from his face, distracted by my thoughts. "I.. Do I need to have a reason ?" I asked a little curious. "I just want you to be happy Solas. Can it not be that simple ?"

He seemed surprise by my response, as his gaze shifted absentmindedly on the bed post, thinking deeply. I sat patiently, waiting for him to answer. But before he could, someone knocked on the door, interrupting his thoughts. The visitor didn't even wait to be permitted before entering.

"Vivienne ?" I said, surprised to see her again.

"It's 'Madame de Fer' for you, my dear." She replied, crossing her arms. "I hope this is an appropriate time. We have something to discuss, I'm afraid." She looked over at Solas, eyes full of disdain.

"Are you perhaps, concerned by my presence Enchanter ?" Solas asked as he got up from the floor, turning around to face her.

"I wouldn't give you that satisfaction my dear." Vivienne retorted. They locked gazes momentarily, a hidden animosity seeping in the air.

"So, what do you want to discuss ?" I asked, eager to be finished with her. I busily wrapped the bandage around my leg to maintain the mixture in place.

She turned her gaze at me and signed. "Darling, you do know that you're making this harder for me ?" She said. I frowned not understanding. "Research on your ability. Does that, ring a bell ?"

 _Oh._ I remember now. I scratched my head. "I didn't really had the time to think about it with-"

"I'm sure dear, that you have plenty to dally but that doesn't account to me." She interrupted coldly. "Do you not wish to put your ability to good use for the-"

"Good use ? Do you speak of your own intentions when you say 'good use' ?" He intervened, standing perfectly still.

"Of course you wouldn't understand." She said to herself. "It is none of your concern, apostate." She replied, glaring at him. _If eyes could kill.._

"I do not need to be concerned to understand what you're implying." Solas said, lashing out on her. "You wish for her, to partake a role in your ridiculous ambitions, so that the Circle can strengthen the shackles of their prisoners, knowingly called 'mage' in your vocabulary." His body was tense, as he spoke bitterly.

"What would be your solution ? Would you have your fellow mage live among the people, unguarded, unwatched ? The Circle keeps the mages safe as well as the people." Vivienne retorted, clearly displeased by the sudden change in the air.

I felt uneasy as I watched their quarrel take place. I stood there, thinking about something clever to say. _Oh my god. Are they going to fight ?_

"Yes ! Packing all the mages into towers and threatening them with Templars certainly kept them safe." He replied angrily.

"Needless to say, it is up to her to decide." Her arms moved, and her fists took place on her waist. "Don't you ?" She said, a hidden threat in her voice.

I jumped as she addressed me. They both turned their gaze at me waiting for a response. _Shiiit_. I kinda felt like this third party who has to choose between which one of their two friends is the 'best'. I gulped hard their gaze piercing holes in my body. _How can I say this as smooth as possible ?_

"I'm sorry Vivien- I mean Madame de Fer." I whispered nervously. _Totally smooth. Yup._

Solas' face instantly brightened at my words, his eyes gleaming with pride, the warmest of smile settling on his lips as he looked at me, almost grateful. I swear that if Solas' eyes were replaced by two beaming lighthouses, I wouldn't be surprised. 

On the contrary, Vivienne's face darkened, like stormy clouds obscuring the sky, her eyes lashing out thunder, anger hardly concealed. She's surely feeling very humiliated right now. _I'm dead meat._

"Such a shame." She said, before snapping her heels and heading out the door.

I gaped stupidly, shocked by what just happened. I turned to look at Solas, disbelieving. He was clearly overjoyed. I ran a hand through my hair, exasperated.

_Solas, you'll be the death of me._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❁ So much is happening in my life, right now. So busy. Sorry for the delay ;)


	14. Undeserved comfort.

I breathed deeply, blowing a stranded strand of hair off my face, keeping my eyes straight to the point. I closed my left eye, aiming the the arrow towards the target, as accurately as possible. I steadied my bow, checking briefly that I'm doing everything right, before I released my fingers, allowing the arrow to fly.

The arrow barely hit the target, almost flying past it. At least, it stayed stuck on on the wooden board this time. _Yes !_ I smiled despite myself, it was a great improvement from when I started.

I had asked Solas if I should learn some defence, just in case, and he suggested archery for me to learn. I wasn't expecting him to know how to use a bow. Well, he is immortal after all, he must have done plenty of things to occupy his time. But he refused to teach me until my leg was better despite telling him otherwise. His head was thicker than it looks, so obstinate. Unfortunately, he had to leave shortly, with the Inquisitor, Cassandra and Varric to the Emerald Graves, to aid Fairbanks with the Freeman of the Dales, deserters from Celene and Gaspard's armies who have taken to harrassing refugees.

So instead, I asked Sera to teach me while Solas was gone. She didn't really help much, to be honest. Sera was not a teacher, that much was obvious, but strangely enough, she didn't really know herself how she does it. She just 'does it' she said. _How am I suppose to work with that ?_ I sometimes wonder if she really has Andruil's soul or something similar. The huntress' soul. I remembered Solas saying that 'she was apart from herself' in a banter between Lavellan and him. _What does that even mean ? That somehow Andruil's soul was caught in between the waking world and the Fade ?_ As a result, she's was bit .. crazy ?

I sat down on what I assumed was Cassandra's chair and laid the bow I borrowed from the armoury on my lap. I was really careful with it, conscious that it wasn't mine. I had been training since this morning, and I rested a little while for my arm was getting tired. A crossbow would be much easier than a bow. _Oh._ A gun would be better. _I could just zap them enemies in a millisecond if I had one._ I giggled by myself at the thought of it. Probably not. I don't even have one. Even more so, use one.

I enjoyed the cool feeling on my skin, the shade of a tree sheltering me from the sun. With me being in the courtyard, I had been cooking in the sun all day. It was such a relief. I was a little anxious as it was the first time Solas and I were apart from each other. It wasn't even a week that he has gone and I miss him already. I wanted to come with them, but I figured it was for the best I stayed behind ... this time at least.

When I arrived they were packing up their horses. Cullen was already there by Trevelyan's side, treasuring every moment with her. I came up to Solas who was putting on his backpack.

"I'll miss you." I admitted, sadly pouting, unable to hide the upside down smile on my lips.

He turned around, smiling warmly at me in contrast with my frown. "Do not worry da'len. I won't be gone for too long. And when I return, I will gladly teach you, as promised." He said reassuringly.

Perhaps happy that I was obediently staying in Skyhold. I nodded weakly, feeling sad although his tone was pleasantly cheerful. It almost seemed like he was happy to leave me. It made me frown even harder thinking about it.

He chuckled softly, that laugh he so rarely showed. "Don't make that fa-" He started as he reached out to pat my head.

"Time's up Chuckles !" Varric interrupted as he sat on his horse. He seemed so tall now.

Solas turned his head towards him. As he was distracted, I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around his waist, hugging him tightly. I had caught him by surprise as he stepped back a little, my weight leaning on him.

"Come back safely." I whispered, before releasing him.

The Commander and I watched them leave as they grew smaller on the growing distance. Cullen sighed loudly before walking away, shoulders slumped. _It must be even harder for him._ My heart sunk as they almost disappeared down hill. I stayed a little longer, not wasting any glimpse I'm allowed to. As I watched Solas' back in the distance, he unexpectedly looked back and my heart leapt in my chest. His gaze fell on me and I instantly waved my hand around at him, a wide smile on my lips, happy that I got to see his face. Immediately, he turned his head elusively as though he was caught in some act. It only lasted a moment before they totally disappeared.

I smiled at the recollection, caressing the bow mindlessly, returning to the present moment. I stood up to resume my training, but was interrupted when someone called my name. I turned around, surprised to see Leliana standing there, a worried expression on her face, as though she was about to reveal bad news.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Everything faded to silence, time frozen in place as I heard the words. I slumped down effortlessly on a chair, my legs losing all its strength, my hand shook as I brought it up to cover my lips, mouth dry. I kept it there as though it could stop the dread that entered my body.

I squeezed my eyes shut to bring some order in my mind, slowing the thousand thoughts swirling around in my head.

"Can you-" I swallowed to erase the strain in my voice. "Can you repeat ?" I asked, disbelieving.

Leliana sat across me, a table between us. "The mage sent in Kirkwall has died." She said. Her words only made me squeeze my eyes harder. "He fell down a mountain. When the wheel of the carriage had been crooked on the rough path and the agents who accompanied him stopped on the road to repair it, the heavy rain caused an instability on the slope which caused a landslide. Our agents were able to escape, as it engulfed the whole carriage pushing it down the other side of the mountain. Bringing the mage with it."

The second time didn't make it any more reasonable to hear. I opened my eyes and tried to calm myself, breathing deeply through my nose. "Is he really dead ?" I asked, trying to control the trembling that seized my hands on my lap.

"Yes. The body is being sent to Kirkwall." She answered her voice calm.

"Thank you for telling me." I said, as I stood from the chair, strangely in control of my limbs. She watched my face and nodded silently in response.

I calmly walked away, one step at time. As if someone else was in control of my body, pushing to go on. It's when I arrived in my room, that everything finally came loose. The tears swelled without my consent, guilt forcing down in my throat. _It's because of me. It was my fault._

 

 

* * *

 

 

I kneeled on the empty land, the green mist hovering all over. _The Fade._ I looked around but no one was here but me. I lay on the ground, emotionless as I gazed up. I don't know how long I stayed like that, before Wisdom's face came into view.

"Why is the Fade so empty ?" I asked, my voice echoing in the distance.

She didn't hesitate. "The Fade is a murky reflection of reality. However you do not belong in its reality, so it is left empty in your wake." She responded, looking down on me.

"The mage is dead because of me." I admitted, my voice wavering. "Because I intervened, because I was selfish."

She stayed silent for a while. "You have purposely altered the future's timeline by saving me. But all things pushes towards order, balance. And it demands what it was promised. With your voice, you payed the price for my life. And they either all live or die. The balance could have been restored. But you disturbed it again, by sparing the survivor. The balance shifted. You recovered your voice, and he became the one who shall pay. And he paid the price." She explained, looking down at me.

"I'm sorry." I brought my hands to my face, ashamed. For somehow, I wasn't surprised by her words. "I'm so sorry." I whispered, even though I didn't know who I was apologising to. Maybe to Wisdom, or the mages. I just knew I was sorry. Perhaps because I didn't feel sorry enough, didn't feel bad enough. Guilty of not regretting what I did despite it all. _Because I would have done it again if I knew._

"It is not your fault child. Do not blame yourself." Wisdom said, her voice far away.

I took my hands away and saw the starry sky above me. Wisdom now gone. I stood from the ground, scanning my surroundings. There were a lot of massive trees, tall grass beneath my feet. I was in the wilderness. _Did Wisdom brought me here ?_ I squinted my eyes to see through the darkness. After a while they adjusted and I was able to see a couple of sleeping forms on the ground. A particular one caught my intention, for he was illuminated by the moonlight, filtered through the branches of trees.

 _Solas_.

He was lying on his back, sound asleep. My eyes watered at the sight. I was so happy to see him, his presence alone bringing comfort. I gazed upon his relaxed features, I refrained myself from touching, afraid I might wake him. _I missed him so much._ But then, the thought of it being all a dream floated back in my mind. A dream Wisdom must have helped me construct. Without a second thought, I nuzzled beside him, my forehead resting on the side of his shoulder, my hands tucked tightly in my chest. His warmth seeped into my body, with only my forehead touching him. And I let myself indulged in it.

I felt so alone, lost, lonely, sorrowful, guilty and ashamed all at once. I didn't know what to do. And sobbed against him, emotions washing over me, despite trying to hold them back. I felt tears run down my temple, as they travelled across the bridge of my nose. My shoulders shaking slightly as I stifled my sobs. With all my sniffing, I smelled him, or maybe it was all in my mind, from when I would sometimes caught his scent. Through the scent of grass, forest, leather, the subtle smell of paint and fur, he smelled so much like rain, that heavy rain where you can't go outside because of how strong it is.

A warm hand gently cupped my shoulder, interrupting my thoughts. Alarmed, I raised my head to found Solas awake, his grey eyes staring back at me. I blinked away the tears blurring my view. Shocked that he was somewhat awake. _Wasn't this my dream ?_ His brows were creased, confusion and concern written all over his face. I sat up, noticing that the surroundings were blurred, slowly becoming clearer. _Could_   _have I pulled his mind in the Fade ?_

"Kaysea.." He breathed, whispering to himself, as though he didn't expect me to be here.

I turned my head back to him. He was studying my face, a hint of suspicion in his eyes. He must be thinking that I'm some kind of demon. I looked at him sadly. _It was better this way._ I pushed him lightly back on his bedroll. I shouldn't have stayed and disturbed his slumber.

He resisted my touch as he held my hands holding him down. "Kaysea.." He called, a hint of hesitation in his voice as though he wasn't sure how to call me. _Yes, this is better._ I can't keep leaning on Solas, I will only burden him. I made the choice, not him, he would only feel bad for me if he knew. His eyes searched my face. I simply draped my palm over his forehead, slowly sliding it down over his eyes. I felt the crease of his scar on my fingertips as my hand travelled further. The glow of his eyes intensifying as it cover them. His eyelashes fluttered against my skin and he moved to take my hand away.

_Wake up._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Workd for 12 hours. tred. ungry, practically dead. Hope you enjyd tittle so fiiting


	15. From me to you.

I brought it up my lips, lifting it up carefully, as to not burn myself. It was slightly hot, leaning towards too hot than warm. I hated waiting for it to turn warm. As a result, I burned my tongue a couple of times. I wasn't a very patient person when it comes to small things like these. I didn't want to drink it hot nor cold either. I was religiously drinking tea everyday, finding my sleep easier since. That was partially the reason why, on the other hand it was also because I didn't want to enter the Fade.

I didn't want Solas to seek me, troubled that something might have happened to me. It was better that he thought I was a fragment of his imagination, if it will somehow prevent him from worrying about me. _I shouldn't add to his own worries._

It was such a pain in the ass, to brew water every night in the kitchen. Although I've always loved tea, green tea to be precise - not that I had a huge variety, the process of preparing it was such a tiring chore for me.

When I woke up from the dream, I was lying on my on my bed, face stained by dried tears, making my hair stick to my cheeks. I shook my head as I drank, the warmth quickly spreading through my body. I had decided not to think about it and I did a great job so far, busying myself with my daily share of work. It was so weird that this was my routine now, so different from school, lessons, homework that my life entailed. My future plans didn't evoke this for sure. _Living in a video game ? How can this be even be possible ?_ But every time I see the scar on my right thigh, I was reminded of how real this really was. A trace of this world on me. The scar was a mark, and that idea relieved me at some point for I saw it as proof of my sanity.

At the thought, I lifted the hem of my dress, exposing it. I ran my fingertips across the scar. No matter how much I looked at it, It didn't seem like one, for my skin stayed smooth at the touch, betraying the gravity of the gash it once was, a brown trail drawn into my skin in the form of a crescent moon, caused by the ripping of the flesh when the man ..

No. I shouldn't think about those things. Or maybe I should ? It was such a small price to pay for Wisdom's life. I was relieved that at least now, Solas still has his friend.

 

* * *

 

 

"Cole ! That was dangerous !" I warned, alarmed by his sudden appearance. I pulled down my bow, keeping it away from him. He suddenly appeared in front of me while I was readying myself to shoot an arrow at my target, which wasn't him of course.

"It wasn't your fault. He was going to die anyway." He replied, paying no attention to what I just said and not moving away from the target.

"What-" I sighed deeply, a hand to my chest. My heart beating fast from the shock. _When was it ever easy with him ?_ "Who, Cole ?" I asked, setting my bow on the wooden chair.

"The mage. You bought him time when he was to die sooner." He responded, as he followed behind me. I studied his face as I understood. _Of course he would._ "Yes, I would help." He continued, reading my thoughts.

I arched a brow at his response, a little amused. "It still surprises me whenever you do that. But, thank you." I said, smiling at him. Even though this was simply his purpose, his comfort still warmed my heart. He stared back with his light blue eyes, filled with unmeasurable compassion in them. _How can you look at that and think he's a demon ?_

My smile grew wider and I brought him close for a hug, bringing myself under his hat. "You're such a cutie pie !" I cooed, tightening my arms around him. He stumbled forward awkwardly.

"But I'm no pie." He complained, his arms limply hanging by his sides, not understand the concept of hugging. He tried to move his head away, my hair tickling his nose. I burst out laughing at his response, releasing him from my clutches.

"Miss," a woman called behind me, "A letter for you." She said, handing me a small piece of paper.

I thanked her as I hurriedly took the letter from her hands. On the front, my name was neatly written in Solas' handwriting, I recognised it right away from his first letter to me, sent - rather gracefully - by Sera. I unfolded the piece of paper, probably sent by a raven than a courier by the state of it.

 _"Kaysea,"_ The first word already warmed my heart. He had written my name, not in Thedas's fashion but as I would usually write it in my world. I couldn't believe he remembered how it was written after just a glance of my diary. I had written my name on the first page of it using my usual handwriting, for at that time I haven't learned how to write their way.

_"I hope you are doing well in Skyhold. Once, I dreamt of you while I slept. And I am not often thrown by things that happens in the Fade. The dream was concerning although it was more a nightmare than a dream itself. I couldn't help but feel troubled. Perhaps, your absence was more distracting than your presence. Please stay out of trouble da'len._

_Solas."_

I hugged the letter tight to my chest, eyes closed, the words gripped every parcel of my heart. It feels so weird to receive a letter, it was such an old fashioned way to send messages to people. But so much more meaningful than a thousand texts.

Cole stood besides me, staring blankly at something in the distance. He seemed to be deep in his thoughts. "Cole !" I called, catching his attention as his hat turned slightly towards me. "Let's write a letter together !" I cheered peaking under his hat as I pulled him with me.

 

I absentmindedly chewed the tip of my pen, searching for something to write. I sighed, not finding anything. _Damn it._ It was easier writing texts than letters. I have to think about presentation, being neat and before that things to say.

I glanced at Cole who was profusely scratching his pen-feather thingy on his sheet of parchment. I peered under his hat, thinking he would be writing words, but instead he was drawing. _So much for inspiration._ I gripped my head in frustration. We were using Varric's space to write, extremely perfect for the task. I looked at the blank piece of paper in defeat.

"Jumbling, fumbling, tumbling. Words tangled with each other. So much and nothing spills on the empty page." Cole said, finally lifting his head from the table. "You think to much. You just have to write." He continued, before he returned to his occupation. _Easier said than done._ I guess I just have to jump head first.

_"Dear Solas,_

_It's a bit weird for me to write a letter because I've never written one before. I'm doing fine here, don't worry too much. I've started to train archery by myself so that when you come back, I'll learn faster. (I have trouble aiming the bow correctly.)_

_Oh. You speak as if it was the first time you dreamed of me hah'ren, let's not lie to ourself shall we ? ;) Anyway, can you tell everyone there that I miss them very much and to come back in one piece, please ? See you soon._

_Kaysea."_

Well, that was better than I expected. I observed the piece of paper, happy with myself.

"You should draw rabbits on it." Cole said, looking over at me.

"Um, okay." I replied sceptically. But with further thought, it wasn't such a bad idea. I doodled a rabbit eating grass and when I was almost finished, Cole started to draw stick figures on my drawing.

"You forgot this." He explained, as he shamelessly continued. When he was done, he looked at his own parchment. "I like your rabbit better." He admitted, his gaze drifting back and forth from my drawing to his.

I laughed at his comment. He seemed so much like a kid. "I can teach you, if you want." I suggested, pilling our papers together and folding them.

"Yes." He whispered, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

"Lets bring these to Leliana." I said, patting his hat.

 

* * *

 

 

_"Kaysea,_

_I would rather you stop your training without being supervised da'len. It is no toy and I worry you might injure yourself if you're not careful, for it still remains a weapon._

_Even like this you surprise me, you always seem to know more than you show. Pray tell, how you do it. You owe me an entire plate of your cookies now, after all the teasing I got from Varric, when I delivered your message. And it seems that you have forgotten to include me too. Your drawing is wonderful._

_Solas._

_What does this mean ';)' mean ? I did not understand."_

 

* * *

 

 

_"Strict ha'hren,_

_You always keep me waiting Solas. Do you not learn best your lessons through pain ? But fine, I will do as you say._

_Solas, are you teasing me right now ? Not funny. I really did missed you._

_Well, that's what YOU get from teasing me._

_;) is a face winking at you._

_And this is a sad face :(_

_Bye."_

 

* * *

 

 

_"Da'len,_

_Yes, it might be so. However, pain can only teach so much. Thank you for heeding to my advice._

_I apologise. It was not my intention to hurt your feelings. But I meant what I said, or wrote to be precise. We will be back soon._

_Solas."_

We wrote back and forth to each other, with a delay of a couple of days from his response to mine. I would write him right away after I receive his letters, but I guess it was harder for him to do so. He was probably tired after all the fightings they encountered on those hostiles lands. I set his letter in between the pages of my diary which was placed on the nightstand and blew the candle off, plunging me in total darkness. It has been a month since they left and I was beginning to regret not coming with them. Well, Solas did say they were going to come soon.

 

* * *

 

 

 

"Then what's that called ?" I asked, crouched down, plucking off some plants on the ground.

"These are called gauntlets." Blackwall replied, raising his hands to show me.

I got up and approached him, touching his gauntlets. "They look uncomfortable." I observed, frowning slightly. The metal was cold to the touch.

"I've known worse my lady. Plus, it does its job." Blackwall followed behind me as we reached our horse. "Are we done ?" He asked, watching our surroundings carefully. I secured the basket in place on our mare, making sure the buckles were tight. I mounted first, gripping the saddle as support. Blackwall, gentleman that he was, held the reins to keep the horse steady.

"Yes, big man." I replied, looking over my shoulder. "I'm sorry, this must so boring for a warrior like you." I said, tucking my head further into my collar, when a sudden wind threatened to freeze my neck. Blackwall accompanied me to fetch some herbs nearby. We were just outside, around Skyhold. He had to tag along with me, considering I wasn't allowed to go unprotected.

"No, not at all. I .. enjoy the company." He said as he mounted in front of me. I let out a small laugh at his response. _He's so honest._

"Me too Blackwall." I cheered, wrapping my hands around his waist as we began to trot.

In summertime, it was expected that it would be a little colder in the mountain. My feet were freezing from being buried in the snow for too long. We rode fast, fortunately Blackwall's broad shoulders were protecting me from the cold wind. We arrived shortly, past the long bridge, and Blackwall slowed the horse as we neared the gates. He dismounted first and helped me get off the horse. He grabbed me under my arms and carried me gently down to the ground.

"Thank you." I said, a smile on my face, grateful for the help. He returned the smile as he held the reins, guiding the horse.

"Kaysea."

The voice seized me, the sound filtered through my ears recognising the voice I haven't heard for - what it seems like forever - but didn't hinder the memory of it. I turned around and I held my breath at the sight of him.

"Solas.." I breathed out his name, the word felt rusty in my throat as it came out.

He was standing there, still wearing his outwear clothes, a staff in hand. A sweet smile was drawn across his face as he gazed at me. Without a second thought, I rushed to him, my hood sliding off my head at the rush of it. His smile grew slightly, as though he didn't allow it to grow wider, he only had time to move his staff away before I crashed into him. The thin layer of snow on us, exploding away as I enveloped him in my arms. My heart was light, weightless like a feather in my chest. I nuzzled deep into his, his scent stronger at the proximity. _Rain_. He delicately ran his hand over my head, returning the embrace.

"I'm so happy right now." I admitted, eyes closed. The longing, I didn't know was there, was finally relinquished, sated by his presence.

He chuckled lightly, the sound soft and gentle. "The sentiment is mutual da'len." He said as we stared into each other. His eyes mirrored the greyish sky perfectly, a faint tint of blue in them and my subtle reflection drowned in the depths of all the shades.

"Welcome back !"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't figure out how to insert an image in this so..  
> [This](http://kseeaa.tumblr.com/image/117811685335)will do.


	16. Target.

I steadied myself, arms raised and drew the bowstring without an arrow on the nock. I instinctively closed an eye as though I was aiming. The sun was a little blinding from this position but it will have to do.

"Your stance is incorrect." Solas said, watching me. He came towards me and drew a line on the dirt with his staff. "This will help you."

I backed away a little bit, letting him enough space to carve a straight line where I was standing. "What's that for ?" I asked, confused. This was our first training session since he came back from the Emerald Graves with the Inquisitor. And of course I let him rest before we started, seeing how tired he was from the journey.

"This is a shooting line. It will enable you to posture yourself correctly." He replied, placing me on top of it. I complied letting him guide me. "Place one foot on each side. You're shooting with a right hand bow, so put your left foot forward. Yes. Space your feet.. Good."

I drew the bowstring again, keeping the posture right. "Like this ?" I asked, a bit nervous of doing it wrong. He examined my body throughly, checking for any fault with a pensive expression. With a small hum, he approached me and rotated my chin over the shoulder of my bow arm. He backed away a little, inspecting again then he went and placed a hand on my back steadying me and used the other hand to rotate my hips.

I resisted his hand, as I was caught by surprise. "Oh." Upon hearing my voice, he redirected his attention to my face, his gaze meeting mine. He looked at me thoughtfully, focus unwavering, before his eyes slowly descended down where his hand was. They lingered there, his face impassible, then moved upwards again to meet mine. I could've sworn I saw a faint flicker in his eyes before he shifted his gaze momentarily and took a step back.

"I apologise. I should have warned you." He said, his hands clasped behind his back. "You have to rotate your hips so they are tucked under your upper body, so as to flatten your lower back." He instructed, his voice calm. I heard him speaking without really listening as I watched him. _What just happened ? Wait did.. did something even happen ?_ I did as I was told, following his instructions as best as I could.

"Lower your chest and ribs down toward your stomach." Solas continued. But I couldn't ignore the embarrassment that crept in, I forced myself to concentrate, keeping my eyes locked on the target. And I bit my lip in frustration as I felt my cheeks flush despite all my efforts. After rectifying my stance, we went onto the next level and practiced aiming.

"Place your fingers this way." He said, arranging my fingers on the right position. I drew the bowstring, aiming on the target. "Keep your fingers relaxed." He advised, keeping some distance. I closed my eye and released the arrow which hit the target a little closer to the center than the first time I shot. I loaded the bow again and steadied myself. "Do not raise your arm too much. Keep it parallel to your other arm." I aimed again, making sure I was doing everything right, repeating the steps in my head. "Don't hold your breath. Breathe normally." He said as he stood by the sideline.

I blew softly through my lips, my concentration only growing as I did so. I let the arrow fly and it pierced the target perfectly right at its center. My mouth fell at the sight, I glanced at Solas in disbelief. He smiled brightly at me, and I couldn't help but return the smile. "Did you see that Solas ?" I asked, excited, jumping slightly. _All the training finally paid off !_

"Yes, da'len. I have to admit your own initiative did produce some good results. You're a fast learner." He replied, a grin on his face. _Good thing I did train beforehand._

I giggled at his expression, so rare upon that face. "And you, a great teacher. I wouldn't have done it without ha'hren." I said, feeling really grateful.

"You're welcome da'len."

 

We took a little break as we have been training since this morning. We even skipped lunch for that matter. I sat under a shade, indulging myself on the cool feeling. I had been standing in the sun all day and I could feel the thin layer of sweat on me. _I should probably take a bath_. I collected my long hair to rest on my right shoulder, offering a very welcomed breeze to my sweaty neck. _Ew_.

Solas came into view, two plates full of food in hand. My stomach growled just by looking at it. I thanked Solas as he handed me my plate, eating like a hungry peasant who hasn't eaten for days. He sat beside me sheltered by the sun.

"Eat slowly da'len. It won't go anywhere." He commented, his tone amused.

We ate peacefully, chatting mindlessly of what happened on his journey to the Emerald Graves. When I was done, I rolled my shoulders, stretching a little, feeling the ache that's starting to settle from all my training.

"Perhaps, I was too hard on you." Solas whispered as he unexpectedly placed his hands on my shoulders, doing circular motions with his thumbs on the upper middle of my back. Although surprised, I couldn't stifle the sound that escaped my lips, as I hummed in satisfaction at the comforting feeling it was providing on my already sore muscles. But before I could completely relax under his touch, he took his hands away.

"I will bring the plates back to the kitchen." He said suddenly, as he stood on his feet, plates in hand.

"No, no. I'll do--" I began as I raised myself on my knees. I already felt bad that he had to bring me food on the first place.

"You should rest da'len." He said calmly. His expression was unreadable as he looked down at me. He walked away towards the kitchen without letting me have time to retaliate.

I waited for him to return but I must have fallen asleep against the tree as a loud voice woke me up.

"You're good with that sword !" Iron Bull shouted, holding a shield in front of him. Identically, Krem too. And they were hitting each other with it. Blackwall was just next to them hitting a dummy, a sword it hand. Cassandra was there too, doing the exact same thing as she would in the game.

"Thanks." Blackwall replied, his breathing uneven. He continued to bash the poor little dummy as he wiped the sweat off his face.

I looked at the sky, it wasn't dark, probably late afternoon. I might have slept for a whole hour.

"I see all that time on your own has given you a firm grip." Bull said, a smug expression on his face. Blackwall frowned at his response. And Iron Bull laughed loudly followed by Krem.

"Kaysea, what are you still doing here ?" Solas asked, worried.

I didn't notice him come in my direction as I was watching the warriors exchange. "I fell asleep." I replied, as I raised myself on my feet. I marched towards them curiously, dusting my clothes on the way.

"Blackwall," I called catching his attention.

"My lady." He breathed, turning around. That 'tittle' always make me smile every time he says it. It sounds so awkward to my ear.

"Can I touch your sword ?" I asked, glancing at the weapon in his hand. Blackwall eyes widened at my question. And a thunder of laughter irrupted beside us, Iron Bull and Krem were laughing their ass off. Cassandra rolled her eyes and let out a disgruntled noise before leaving us. "What ? I've never touch one before." I said, a little pissed that they were mocking me. _Not everyone gets to use a cool sword._ But they only laughed harder. The Iron Bull's deep laugh drummed in my ears, at least Krem had the decency to cover his mouth. I sighed exasperated and returned my attention back to Blackwall. "Can I ?"

"Yes..of course." He replied, handing me the sword carefully. "Be careful my lady." I held it in my hand, letting it stand on the ground.

It was very heavy, it felt like a giant suitcase in an another 'life-form'. "The hilt is too big for me. I can't close my hand around it." I observed, using both of my hands to support it. Those two idiots were still dying of laughter in the courtyard. They were red from being unable to breathe normally and were holding their stomach from laughing too hard. I rolled my eyes at their childishness. _Are they for real ?_ I attempted to lift the sword but a hand covered mine, interrupting me.

"You could hurt yourself da'len." Solas intervened as he gently unwrap my fingers from its hilt. He held it in one hand and handed it to Blackwall.

"But I wanted to try something.." I complained, pouting as I glanced at the sword. It looks so pretty, probably a rare find.

"Da'len, it is--"

"It is no toy. I know." I finished, sighing deeply as I kicked a small rock on the ground. "And you !" I said, pointing a finger at Bull. "I know why you're laughing you pervert. If you keep at it I won't tell you where to find all the ten dragons on the map." I continued nosily, crossing my arms.

He instantly stopped laughing, regaining his composure but Krem had a harder time to stop. Iron Bull slapped him on his back, trying to prevent him from laughing any further. "You're shitting with me." He said, as he squinted his eye at me, suspicious.

I shook my head, my hair swaying at the motion. "Is that all what a Benhasrath worth ? I'm disappointed The Iron Bull." I teased.

"We've already killed six of them." He responded arrogantly, crossing his arms in imitation. 

I arched a brow. "Well, the last four- I mean five, of them are the strongest. And you're not really convincing me to be generous." I said, lifting my chin higher.

"Oh, c'mon !" He complained in frustration, taking a step towards me. I stick out my tongue at him mockingly. _Ha! My turn to make fun of you_. I felt pride swell up my chest at the notion that he has to grovel at my feet now to make me reveal anything to him. I chuckled at the idea finding it quite ridiculous.

Suddenly, Cole appeared before me, or more so a bouquet of flowers did. He held plenty of them in his arms causing his face to be hidden.

"Cole?" I called, peaking at his face between the curtains of flowers. "What are you doing ?" Clearly, he had trouble holding all of them by the way his hands are fumbling all over the place to keep them secure in his arms. When he eventually did, he shoved the messy pile of flowers in my arms, and it was my turn to fumble with them.

"Happy birthday."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this wasn't too boring, from this point, this is where the rollercoasters dips ;)


	17. Grains of time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter ahead ;)

I stood there, hands full of flowers, watching Cole blink at me.

"It's not my--" I began but stopped midway as I remembered.

How long was it ? 7 months ? I was saving up money to buy a new drone for my father, and an instant film camera for myself.

"Oh, yeah, it's my birthday.." I muttered. I scoffed at myself from forgetting. I had been working so hard at my part-time job, that bakery down the street paid so well too. I was looking so forward for that Fujifilm Instax Mini 8.

"You forgot." Cole said, fumbling with his fingers nervously.

I looked down at the flowers. The shape was odd, so peculiar for a flower. Mauve petals were drooping downwards, uncovering the white petals standing straight in its center. The colour were mixed together except the violet tendrils that mingled along the base of the white petals. Strangely enough, they didn't appear to be blooming, on the contrary, their petals were dried and withered, some even missing, fallen by the rigours of time. Their vibrant colours faded a long time ago, pale and washed out. The fragrance was long gone replaced by the earthy, woodsy smell of dirt.

"I'm sorry. They couldn't wait until your birthday." Cole said, interrupting my contemplation.

A smile instantly appeared on my lips. "Thank you Cole. I adore it." I said as I pulled him for a small hug. This time, he seemed to have anticipated it as he moved his hands on my back, partially returning it. _At least, he's learning._ The thought warmed my heart, gifts were probably the last thing on my mind. I used to celebrate my birthday with my family, but since they weren't here, I didn't get the memo.

"Happy birthday, my lady." Blackwall said as he gazed at me. I smiled at him, grateful.

"Hey.. That's cheating we didn't know." Iron Bull complained. His response caused me to giggle against Cole's shoulder. I pulled away as I felt some flowers escaped my arms, and crouched down to pick them up from the ground.

Solas reached for the one I failed to notice. "Iris. How fitting." He said to himself as he twirled the flower in between his fingertips.

Iron Bull let out a laugh. "Hey, I don't have a gift but I can show you a really good time." He said as he winked at me with his one good eye, and he placed his hand on my shoulder.

I giggled at his flirtatious preposition. "Ah.., Iron Bull," I sighed, shaking my head slightly. I brushed away his hand on my shoulder and took a step forward, free from his grasp. "That, doesn't work on me." I said as I looked over my shoulder.

I noticed a faint smirk appear on Solas' face at my response. I quickly landed a kiss on Cole's cheek, not before making sure that his hat won't poke me in the eye, evading a surely uncomfortable experience.

"Thank you again, Cole." I cheered as I hopped away, taking Solas by the arm with me, leaving them all dumbfounded. We marched away towards the rotunda, arms linked together. I was quite happy with myself.

Once we arrived to the rotunda, I quickly placed the dried flowers in between the pages of my diary laying on his table. It was such a simple gift and yet I didn't think it would make me this happy.

"Iris, you said. Is that what it is called ?" I asked. I was carefully placing a certain amount of flowers on one page, and the others neatly on another page because they couldn't possibly all fit into one.

Solas moved around the table to lean his staff on the opposite side of it. "Yes. To have the iris represent you means that you have courage, strength, and the ability to fight for what you believe in or what you think is right. Your ability to see passed the half truths and sugar-coated lies allows you be wiser beyond your age." Solas replied as he wandered around the room to lit up the blown up candles and torches with a flick of his fingertips. I had always found it fascinating each time he does it.

"Do you believe in those things ? " I asked skeptically. I would have never thought that Solas would be interested in such trivial things. The previously silent room was now filled with the crackling noise of the fire around the rotunda.

"Why the skepticism ?" He replied, his tone sounded amused.

"Well, for just a flower to be able to represent human's-- I mean people's personalities is, quite frankly, unnecessary." I said thoughtfully, closing my diary firmly, the bulkiness of it a little unsettling. "Plus, it isn't based of something reliable."

"Am I, perhaps, not reliable ?" Solas asked as he walked towards me, hands clasped behind his back.

"So you're suggesting I'm strong, brave, wise and what not. That I'm all those things ?" I asked, an eyebrow raised, amused and a little baffled by his cheerful attitude, not that I minded.

"No, I'm declaring it. It was not a subject for debate." He responded.  
My heart skipped a beat at the way he said it so sincerely, his voice unnaturally serious. I stood still, processing his words in my head. _Did he just .._

"Hahren, sometimes I wonder if you're just really smooth with your words. Or simply bold. I can't quite tell." I admitted, eyeing him suspiciously. "Are you teasing me again ?"

He threw his head back and laughed deeply, I could have sworn I heard a faint snort when he did. The sight felt strangely satisfying, a somewhat sense of accomplishment lingered in my heart despite the light irritation mingling with it.

"Kaysea ! You're late." A woman said. It was Berta, one of my coworkers, peaking her head through the door wearing a very unhappy look.

All the feelings at that moment were quickly thrown out the window, as her face made me remember the promised time to return to the kitchen after my training.

"I'm sorry ! I forgot !" I said, hurrying out the door with her. I glanced back at Solas, my eyes reprimanding him for making fun of me. _I don't like being made fun of._ I would have smack that bald head if not for her. _She saved your booty, Fen'Harel._ I saw him arch a brow as if he had read my mind, and an indiscreet grin on his face before the door closed shut behind me.

 

* * *

 

 

A little later that day, I was able to caught up with my chores. Luckily, my coworkers managed to cover some of it whilst I was training my archery. I went through the battlements to go to the garden. As I was passing, I caught a glimpse of Trevelyan going through the eluvian, between the small opening of the door left ajar, before completely disappearing on the other side and into the Crossroads. I watched the ripples that formed on the mirror, enthralled by the way its surface acted like water that emanates a mesmerising glow, threatening to spill from its glassy confinement.

"Mother was finally able to unlock it."

I jumped at the voice, startled. Kieran was standing beside me, his gaze lay where I was once looking. I didn't notice that I was boldly staring, at a seemingly private exchange, until I heard his voice. As he didn't speak any further, I returned my gaze on the open eluvian. I felt relentless as I wondered how it would feel like to go through it.

"Is it blood magic ?" I asked curious. I recalled that Merrill, a Dalish mage in Dragon Age 2, had wanted to restore a broken eluvian using blood magic.

"Yes. Mother is the witch of the wilds." He replied, a hint of pride in his voice.

His answer only confirmed what I had known, but the eluvian in Skyhold wasn't broken but locked instead. I was curious as to how it works. Without warning, a small hand grabbed mine, interrupting my line of thoughts. Kieran tugged my arm, pulling me slightly, to lead me somewhere. My confusion was only met by a sweet smile on his face, refusing to offer any sort of explanation as to, why and where, he was taking me. He took me to a nearby bench in the garden. It was only when we sat that he let go of my hand.

"Can you sing me a song now ?" He asked, his voice as soft as ever.

I relaxed immediately, the uncertainty vanishing away at his innocent request. I had forgotten that Kieran wasn't allowed to approach me with Morrigan nearby. He must have been looking forward to my song for it to be the first thing he asked when we eventually meet. I though about what song I should sing to him, going through the list of appropriate songs in my head, preferably kid friendly. _I can't possibly sing Annaconda to him, even when it was the first tittle that popped in my head._ As I took my sweet ass time, Kieran's shoulders slowly began to slump and a disappointed face was settling down his face.

I quickly rectified the misunderstanding. "Okay, I've thought about it. Ready ?" I asked as I peered on his face. His expression instantly brightened, his eyes shinning expectantly. I took a deep breath and sang.

_Make my wish come true, let darkness fade to light_

_Show me there's still hope, show me it's not over_

_Battles we can win, our struggle lies within_

_Will we live to greet the dawn?_

_Love will not leave you, hate will not heal you_

_Promise me one day that peace shall reign_

As I finished, I struggled to keep my eyes on Kieran as I felt numerous gazes on me. Singing in the garden full of Chantry people, who were probably searching for serenity amidst the most chaotic time of their lives, wasn't such a good idea. Kieran smiled warmly at me before his gaze shifted to the side, somewhere behind me, then he stood up sneakily, a finger across his lip. He disappeared behind a pillar of stone before I lost sight of him completely.

"Always so busy mesmerising the crowd, I see."

I stilled at the unexpected voice. Morrigan. I discreetly took a deep breath before turning around to face her, awaiting some sort of reprimand from her, for talking to her son when technically he was the one whom approach me, but to my surprise, Trevelyan was standing next to her. The Inquisitor sat down beside me on the bench, taking my hand into hers.

"You should sing more often Kaysea. It such a shame for you to deny it from us." She said, smiling.

"Then, if you'll excuse me Inquisitor.." Morrigan said with a slight bow of her head.

Trevelyan nodded in response before Morrigan left, completely oblivious that Kieran was just sitting next to me on the same bench not a minute ago. I felt relief overcome me as I saw her leave, but I assumed far too quickly before she turned around to stare intently at me, her golden eyes glinting with murderous intent. _Oops_. The Inquisitor's grip on my hand instantly returned my attention to her. Her face became serious as she thought what to say.

"I've heard about the mage sent to Kirkwall.. How do you feel ?" She asked, her worried expression twisting her beautiful features. Leliana must have told her about what happened while she was gone doing quests. I thought for her kindness to be amazing, for me to even have a place in her, already, immeasurable worries, while fighting a, so called god, was truly admirable.

I smiled the brightest smile I could muster. "I'm okay now." I said, patting her hand reassuringly. "Cole helped."

Her expression quickly lightened up at the notion of Cole's name, it must have been the first time that Cole was praised for his help. _Poor Cole_ , he deserved so much more than other people's animosity.

Trevelyan leaned forward to say something but she stopped to watch behind me. _Why is everyone so sneaky today ?_ I turned around to see who it was. It was Solas standing still by the door, as if he was in the middle of pushing it open with his hand. He was staring intensely at me. And it dawned on me, as I remembered what the Inquisitor and I were talking about. He must have overheard it. I instinctively stood. _It has to be._

His gaze immediately turned to Trevelyan, voluntarily ignoring me. "I did not mean to interrupt." He said, as he close the door in front of him.

I watched him leave and I wanted to go after him, to clear up the misunderstanding. _But it wasn't_. It wasn't a misunderstanding. I purposely didn't tell him that I was in his dream, dreaming with him. Instead I pretended it was the fruit of his imagination. And he probably felt like a fool now.

"Go." I heard Trevelyan say.

And I didn't even hesitate, or turned to look at her for a semblance of gratitude. I ran after Solas. I went to the rotunda and to my relief he was there, a book in hand. _Shit. That's somehow a really bad omen._ I contemplated his back, even with knowing I was behind him, he didn't turn around.

"It's my birthday, you can't get mad at me." I tried, stupidly thinking that it might -maybe- make him more reasonable. Or forgive me completely.

He sighed deeply before finally turning around to face me. _Wait.. did it work ?_

"I apologise. I should not be acting this way." He said regretfully. His voice had a hint of tiredness in them.

"No! I'm sorry Solas." I said hastily as I stepped forward. "I'm sorry, I didn't want you to worry about me." He shouldn't be the one apologising to me when I was clearly the one at fault.

"I feel relieved that Cole was able to help you." He said a faint smile on his lips.

"So you're not mad ?" I tried, glancing up at him, searching for any hidden signs of anger on his features.

"No da'len. Nonetheless, I would have preferred if you had told me the truth." He reassured.

I casted my eyes down my feet, remorse creeping in like the shadows that grew darker on the stone floors by the approaching night.

"Do not let it trouble you da'len. Today is your birthday, is it not ? Instead, you should enjoy the remaining day with a merrier company." He said, as he leaned down to read a sheet of parchment on his table littered with thick books.

"They're not here, remember ?" I said as I stared absentmindedly on the torch beside his platform, feeling a little sad at the thought that -maybe- my stay here that lasted for months could easily turn into years. That -maybe- I'll never see my family again. Somehow, I knew that, that might become the case considering I had no idea how I got here or why, in the first place. I forced the sadness away for there was no point in dwelling on it.

"Can I stay with you instead ? You can tell me Fade stories." I suggested, smiling as I turned my head to meet his gaze.

He moved to offer his chair. "I would not mind that at all."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super late chapter. So much is going on with my life in the moment, I couldn't get into writing it earlier. Anyhow I hope you enjoy :) 
> 
>  
> 
> [♬ S O N G](http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1BAuAkqIM6E)


	18. Blood magic.

"Dorian," I called, as I caught a glimpse him, leaning over the railing. "Do you have books about blood magic ? I can't seem to—"

Suddenly, Dorian came and put up his palm to cover my mouth, preventing me to continue any further. I looked at him wide eyed, confused and surprised at the sudden movement.

"Hush!" He ordered, a finger over his lips. His beautifully groomed moustache followed the line of his frown. I rarely saw Dorian frown, eager to look good no matter the circumstances.

"Do you want my pretty head severed by the Chantry ?" He asked whispering, as he cautiously scanned around the library.

"So, you _do_ have some ?" I asked expectantly, after he has retreated his hand to lay on his hip.

I always knew that blood magic was frowned upon by the Chantry, considering Andraste herself had forbidden its practice. Although, I actually know more than I should about the subject, I figured a first hand information would be more interesting than those codex entries Bioware offered. Plus, it would improve my reading on Thedosian literature which was far more difficult than books about plants, herbs and animals that I was limiting myself with until now.

"Maybe. Maybe not. Moreover, I don't practice blood magic." He replied, crossing his arms defensively.

"C'mon Dorian. Tevinter is the epitome of blood magicks, you must have some that you brought with you." I reasoned, I followed behind him as he began to walk away from me. "Oh, Doriaaan.." I practically had to beg him, tugging persistently at his clothes. This was only a matter of time, after all: Dorian likes to play hard to get. "Beautiful. Handsome. The fairest of them all. Pleaaase--" I begged dramatically.

"Here, you minx." He said playfully, handing me the thickest book I have ever seen. "That's the only one I have with the King's Tongue. Most are Tevene." He explained as he helped me carry it in my arms.

"Dorian, you're the best !" I cheered as I stood on my toes to peck him on his cheeks.

"Only to be expected." He said, a smug expression on his face.

I sat on one of the empty tables in a deserted part of the library, leaving Dorian alone. I think I pestered him enough for today. Without further delay, I devoted myself into reading as much as possible, writing notes, capturing some quotes on my phone for future references, researching some words I couldn't understand, I would only pause my reading for either of these reasons, eager to sate my curiosity.

Magic itself was already hard to understand, even more so blood magic, and the fact that it was prohibited, made it only harder to comprehend. Clearly, it was more than cutting yourself open with a knife, I figured that much. Blood was like lyrium, it acts as fuel to the magic user, while lyrium offers you more 'access' to the Fade to replenish your mana, blood itself was the 'energy' needed to cast your spells. Most of it was hard to understand, their descriptions couldn't convey their true meaning to someone who wasn't gifted with magic.

It was only when my last candle fizzled out that I lifted my head from the book, finally noticing the darkness that filled the empty library. I grabbed my stomach, realising how hungry I was. And damn thirsty too. I closed the book and carried it, carefully stepping down the stairs to the rotunda. I was way too into my lecture to not being able to notice the time passing by. I yawned loudly, unable to stifle it, and rubbed my eyes, the fatigue settling in. Where should I put this giant thing ?

"Kaysea ?"

I jumped at the sudden voice, startled, clumsily dropping Dorian's book on the ground. As its heavy weight fell without restrain, a loud thud made the walls tremble, disturbing the night's silence and gloomy atmosphere. I blinked away the sleepiness, as I slowly made out Solas' figure in the dimly lit room.

"I did not mean to startle you." Solas said, his tone apologetic. He was sitting on his chair, buried deep into his books.

"Solas," I breathed deeply, forcing my heart to lower its heartbeats. "What are you doing still awake ?" I asked, still a little shocked.

"I could ask the same of you da'len." He replied calmly, glancing curiously at the book left on the ground.

"Fair enough." I said as I moved to pick up Dorian's book into my arms.

As I dusted away any possible dirt that may have clung to it, my gaze fell on what was laid on Solas' table. Amidst a number of books, parchments and candles, I was able to spot, what seemingly look like some delicious looking snacks. I blatantly stared and licked my lips at the sight, which was awfully dry. Realising how parched my throat was, I gulped as I was suddenly reminded how much I was dying of thirst and hunger.

"Are you..., um," I started. I tilted my head towards Solas, without really looking at him, as I kept my eyes on the prize. "Gonna eat that ?"

His gaze followed my pointed finger and a deep laugh drummed in the back of his throat. "No, you can have them." He said in between chuckles.

At this point, there was no more dignity left to withhold, I practically lurched at the food, devouring every pieces left on the plate, not caring how unladylike this must surely look. When a woman is hungry, it's hungry. I chugged at his bottle too, not caring, at this point, what it contained. As I finished, I let myself slump down the floor, sitting cross-legged. I held my stomach, patting it lightly, finally replenished.

"Thank you.." I breathed.

Without me noticing, as I was probably too busy eating like a pig, Solas bent down to pick up the book I left, for the second time on the floor, easily holding it with one hand.

He frowned as he read the tittle on its cover. "Maleficarum." He read ominously.

"It's research." I said, looking over at him. Dorian did warn me about people's insights on the matter, but I knew I could trust Solas keeping low about it.

"Why the sudden interest ?" He asked as he placed the book on the table.

"I'm curious. Despite it being widely forbidden, it didn't refrain people from using it, even those who are against it." I explained.

"Such as ?"

I knew he already knew. And yet. He wanted me to say it, for some unknown reason. Perhaps, he wanted to know how far I went, how much information I had managed to extract from Dorian's book.

I sighed. "Tevinter, first of all, though they like to dismiss the idea. Even the Joining, among the Grey Wardens, is a form of blood magic. And most shocking of all, the Chantry, with the Templar Order, using phylacteries to track down rogue mages from the Circle." I explained.

He hummed pensively, a hand to his chin. "I did not expect Tevinter to possess such knowledge."

I shook my head. "They don't. That's what _I_ already knew." I admitted, my thumb pointed to my chest.

He seemed a little taken aback by my revelation, evading his gaze momentarily to think. As he didn't speak any further, I stood up from my sited position, and approached him. He was deep in thought, lost in it, to be precise. I watched him, as his eyes reflected the depths of his thoughts.

"But," I said, seeking his attention. "I need your help with something I didn't understand in the book."

His eyes focused again to look at me, considering my words carefully. I opened the book, searching the exact page where I had marked it.

"The magicks' theorisation is too abstract for me to comprehend." I said. I squinted my eyes as I tried to figure out what number was written on the bottom of the page. With the darkness as it is, I struggled.

"Perhaps, it would be easier in the Fade ?" He suggested, a smile tugging at his lips. My request seemed to have lightened his mood. Solas wouldn't spare the opportunity of sharing his knowledge, of course.

 

* * *

 

 

I steadied the plate placed on the palm of my hand as it rocked dangerously, caused by a miscalculated step, threatening to make the four drinks of ale on it, to topple over. I walked more carefully as I neared the table who ordered them.

"Careful Angel, you wouldn't want to anger grumpy Cabot." Varric teased playfully as he spotted me first.

"And _you_ , wouldn't want me to accidentally trip and drenched you, would you now, Master Tethras ?" I replied with an arched eyebrow. I placed the drinks methodically: Varric, Bull, Sera, and Solas, respectively received a beverage.

"Oh, that's Solas rubbing off of you." Varric commented, his tone amused.

"Rubbing off their bitsy bits, pfbbt." Sera said, laughing at her own joke.

Solas heavily signed at her remark, his sigh packed with regret, to have came here. He does have little patience concerning Sera, after all. I had asked him to wait for me, in the rotunda to continue our lessons, but as I couldn't finish sooner, he came for me instead. My shift took longer than I had expected but it wouldn't be long now.

"No more cookies for you, Sera." I reprimanded as I pulled a chair next to Solas.

Iron Bull laughed as she made a devastated look and pouted, arms crossed. "Not fair." Her face tugged the corners of my lips, I couldn't help finding it adorable.

"Poor Buttercup." Varric muttered, taking sip of his drink.

Although we had plenty of time in the Fade to dally, it seemed that Solas wanted to teach me more than what I had asked for. Occasionally, Wisdom would join us too. He passionately talks about the Fade, even more so, teaches me how to control my sub-conscience to create my dream with my own volition and to be able to seek for him, in the Fade without Wisdom's influence.

The tavern was quite joyous, filled with alcoholics slumped over their table in this time of the day, Maryden's song even made it merrier. It was a lot warmer now, which was nice. The garden and courtyard were full of greenery, the branches were brimming with leaves and I even spotted some flowers amongst them. On the other hand, the warm air would easily capture smells that lingered in the tavern, and they mostly didn't smell good.

Iron Bull cleared his throat loudly. "So, about those dragons' locations.." He began hesitantly.

I rolled my eyes, already knowing where this was going. "I'll bite. What about them ?" I said, my head cupped in my hands.

"What about an exchange ? Information for information." He tried, watching my face with his one good eye.

"A fair trade." Varric casually intervened.  
His response got me thinking and I eyed them suspiciously. "Varric, are you on this too ?"

"I take fun where I can get it, no hard feelings." He replied as he winked at me.

The dwarf and the qunari aren't a good mix. I considered his request. The dragons' locations would eventually be found out throughout their travels. I should use this as an opportunity to get whatever information he has in stock for me.

"Do you have a map ?" I asked as I extended my hand. Instantly, Iron Bull plastered a map into my palm, visibly excited. I unfolded and laid out the map onto the table to get a better view. "Tell me where have you killed one already."

"We've already went everywhere apart from The Hissing Wastes and Emprise the Lion." Iron Bull informed, pointing each location on the map. I wrote the rest of the dragon's locations on the map, marking it with an X, four of them like promised.

"This one is a little bit more bothersome. Because, first, you'll have to visit all the dwarven ruins and open all their tombs before facing the dragon, preferably. A word of advice, pay attention to the inscriptions, you don't want to mess up. Cold magic is its weakness." I tipped.

Surprisingly, Bull paid close attention to what I was saying, his face was serious and he would nod from to time to time. When I was finished, he raised the map to entirely looked at it, eye full of admiration.

He seemed like a child who received a new toy. "How do you even know this shit ?" He muttered thoughtfully.

"Don't change the subject. Your turn." I said.

Iron Bull lifted his eye from the map and looked at Varric, they simultaneously exchanged a knowing look, a mischievous grin on their faces.

"Chuckles, here, spoke your name while he slept." Varric revealed, completely enjoying the situation.

I stared at Varric, processing the words in my head. Meanwhile, Sera started laughing like a madwoman, kicking her feet under the table which made it shake. On the other hand, Solas who was quietly sipping his ale, choked lightly and started coughing. I repeated the words in my mind, trying to make sense of them.

"When ?" I asked skeptically, not really believing what I just heard.

"When we went to the Emerald Graves." Varric reassured, nodding happily. "Wait, no, I didn't choose my words carefully. Let me redeem myself; he moaned your name while he slept." He corrected, a smug expression on his face.

Solas, who I noticed seemed a little red, perhaps from the choking, finally recovered. He cleared his throat before he spoke, his eyes glaring at the pair.

"I did no such thing."

And somehow that phrase sounded familiar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you didn't recognised the phrase, watch this :)
> 
> [♬](http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yu-lIDmC57A)
> 
> Exams are coming very soon :(


	19. The fleeting touch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update: I'm not planning on stopping this story. Ever. This is my testament right here. Thank you so much for reading and leaving kudos :) It gives me strenght to work even harder. Thank you.
> 
> I didn't plan for this to happen. I just let my fingers do the writing :)  
> I just found out something dope just now. I might appear stupid for not knowing sooner but if you have an iPhone, in the left corner of the website's name you're on, there's like lines (?) and if you click on it, Safari changes format. And it's much easier to read. Tell me if you know what I mean and if you tried it. Personally, reading it that way is better.

I sat on the chair in the rotunda, slumped comfortably, my head resting, hair cascading down on the arm's chair, and legs bent over the other. The book I was reading, at least I was trying to, hovered in front of me, held by extended hands as I tried to caught sight of Solas on the scaffolding.

My arms were getting tired from 'reading' in this position and my attempts on focussing on the book were getting repetitive, and it felt like I entered a vicious cycle as I tried in vain.

Though I would sometimes succeed, the words eventually form phrases and then after some time make sense. But then, the wooden floor beneath him would slightly creak as he would take a step back to inspect the freshly painted wall, and it was enough to steal away my attention. But I will admit, my thoughts were more distracting than anything. Not that I was spying.

What Varric said last time kept bothering me, though it shouldn't be. Solas calling my name while he slept was expected, considering what happened in that distant dream. But still, my thoughts would continually drift towards it for some reason.

I glanced at him again. He was painting Halamshiral, and as much as he liked to deny it — it was finished. However, he was still busying himself with the final touches. Each time, I gaze onto that particular painting, it reminded of us outside the palace.

We danced into the night, with only the moon towering over us acting as our spotlight, the pitter-patter of the water from the fountain beside us, our only song. I was barefooted on his leather boots, the cold breeze licking at my ankles. With only a thin piece of clothing covering my body, the worse was, of course, the winter air that chilled me, creeping under my skin. But as soon as we twirled around, shifting the grass beneath us, my weight leaning against him, the warmth radiating from him alone was my only summer. I was so exhausted back then, and couldn't even keep my eyes open, weighted down by weary bones. I could still hear the lullaby of his heartbeat, soothing, like the sound of the rain against the window sill. It was such a dreamy night. I knew we had been talking about something, though I don't recall what it was about.

He did it again, the creaking sound indicating he took a step back.  
I looked around the room, studying the numerous paintings on the wall. I couldn't really tell if it was considered elven or not. With the colours so vibrant, they were so peculiar from the ones I saw in elven temples. Well, I meant seeing virtually. They were usually old paintings on crumbled walls, they colours faded, lost through the ages.

The Inquisitor didn't really bring me with her party on their journeys around the map, and I'm not complaining. It was enough that they brought me along —once on their main quest. It was understandable. The last time didn't go so well and as a result, it left me scarred.

As my eyes fell onto the empty wall, I remembered what awaited us next. The temple of Mythal. And it was the whole reason as to why, I came to be here.

  
Countless soldiers practically invaded Skyhold, training day and night for the incoming mission. Thus, I couldn't train my bow and arrow, afraid I might get in the way. And their skills will undoubtedly be more efficient than my own on the battlefield. Even now, I could hear the heavy clash of metal in the courtyard, resonating, even louder in the hall, with its wall made of solid stone.

The rotunda was unusually silent, not that it was noisy, but the lack of faint murmurs and distant whispering above our heads made it profound, heavy in the air. Even the gawking of birds in their cages, could have been missed. They were gone, busy searing into the sky, sending messages around Orlais and what-not.

"Why do you paint ?" I asked, mustering enough courage to break the silence. I kept my head hidden behind the book I was holding, pretending to read.

He seemed to have turned around to look down on me from his platform, the sound of his brush scraping on the wall stopped momentarily before it eventually resumed, as though he wasn't sure if I had spoken or he had heard it wrong.

"People would easily assume that I decorated one great room of the fortress with paintings detailing the Inquisition's achievements. Although, not entirely untrue. Making history is as important as preserving it, the task should not be neglected. People shall learn from past mistakes as well from those who did good for their behalf." He replied, his voice calm laced with a slight hesitation, perhaps, distracted as he tried to focus on his mural.

"Wouldn't it be easier to write down history rather than painting it ?" I asked curiously, pulling my book down my lap to get a better view of him.

"Presumably so. But not everyone is gifted with words. Take note of our dwarven companion. It would prove difficult to carry the meaning I wish to convey. And as words could be easily understood, it can act as a barrier for those who do not understand the language, which could be lost through time. People have already forgotten so much of history." He explained, his tone a little lower as he said the last phrase.

"A picture says a thousand words.." I whispered thoughtfully. "Even if, these events are reduced to nothing more than ancient lore, to those who see it afterwards their meaning will not be lost." I added as I memorised the walls, retracing the events that happened in my head, in an attempt to decipher every symbols Solas left, while distancing myself from actually knowing. Even I could tell that these paintings represented something very important.

"My thoughts precisely." He turned then, a warm smile played on his lips, and I couldn't help but return it. I found pride swell in my chest as I was able to find a common ground with Solas.

I hopped out of my chair and climbed on the scaffolding, eager to see to what extent his painting was advancing. He gave me an acknowledged look before he returned to focus on his task. I let my eyes linger on the paintbrush he was holding, there was something fascinating with how the paint danced beneath the brush as it scrapes along the wall.

I looked up at him. "Why do you rarely paint yourself in your murals Solas ?" I asked, as I sat next to his feet, leaning back on some dry spot of the wall.

"You ask a lot of questions da'len." He commented, an amused smile on his face.

"Am I not allowed ?" I pouted.

"Point taken." He chuckled before answering my question. "As much as I prefer to observe, I simply offered my assistance to the Inquisition but they, alone, willed them self to succeed. I will not garner praise where it is underserving."

"You give yourself too little credit Solas." I said as I playfully poked his foot with my finger, though his foot wraps were in the way.

His leg unexpectedly wavered at the touch, bending slightly in half as he dropped his paintbrush. He shot me a surprised look, mingled with a profound confusion. I giggled, despite myself, his face seemed so ridiculous, so shocked at the gesture.

By the way he was looking at me, he almost looked terrified by the odd behaviour, troubled even. He waited for me to offer some sort of explanation at the perversion I just committed. But I just laughed even harder, unable to stop myself. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out—he was speechless.

"You know, your insights were vital in sealing the breach in Haven. If you didn't voluntarily approached the Inquisition, the Breach would have never been sealed." I said, as I gazed below, nostalgia settling in at the sight.

This used to be a familiar view from when I used to sleep here — though it lasted only a couple of days before I moved to Josephine and Leliana's room. I couldn't look at Solas. Not now — his face as it is. It was the only way that I would be able regain my composure.

I turned, and my gaze meet his, confusion replaced by a serious expression, as if deep in thought. My eyes caught sight of the brush he dropped previously and as I picked it up, Solas' head snapped where my hand was, and he instinctively moved his foot away.

I bit my lips in an attempt to stop my lips to curl upwards into a smile, I pursed them together as to not laugh again and I had to go against my will to keep my face serious as he realised that poking his feet wasn't my intention, at all. Though, I couldn't help my face twitching from the poorly contained amusement at the given situation.

I handed him his paintbrush. He took it hesitantly, with a slight reluctance in his fingers. He averted his eyes to face the wall, though a safer distance from me, and sighed.

"You make a fool out of me." He mumbled, the words barely tangible.

I peered at his face. "Hah'ren, are you sulking ?" I asked teasingly.

"If you would be so kind not to disturb me any longer, I would deeply appreciate." He replied, his voice stern, coated with reproach.

"Solas, don't be mean." I said, playfully. Though he completely ignored me. I tugged persistently at his shirt, seeking his attention.

His face remained calm and controlled despite my efforts. I knew this was unreasonable but I was having too much fun to stop now. As he didn't flinch, I poked his foot again harder this time, hoping this would make him react.

And it did.

But perhaps, I poked too hard and with the added tugging, he stumbled sideways, though he tried to hold onto the wall to stop his fall, it was in vain for the wall was freshly painted and it simply glided beneath his palm.

As he fell towards me, I grabbed his shoulder to steady him, afraid he might fall backwards into the stone floor and crack his head open. It happened for merely seconds, but I felt his face approach dangerously too close to mine as his knees met the wooden floor. At first, I thought it was just my imagination as I was too caught up in the moment.

But as he slowly pulled away from me, our gazes were blankly staring at each other. As we lingered in the moment, our eyes locked together, the look on his eyes only confirmed what I seemingly though didn't occur.

Our lips touched.

Just as I saw the realisation in his eyes, he saw it in mine too. He swiftly pulled away his hand around me, the one that broke his fall, and turned his back to me. I stayed frozen in place, still, tense. I had no idea what to do. I felt the heat rise to my face, making me hold my breath. And I couldn't help the flush that ate at my face.

Oh _my god. What do I do. He's in the way of the ladder. Do I just jump. No. That would be so awkward. I would probably break a toe or a leg for that matter. Oh my god. How do I escape. Do I just brush it off. No. He knows. What do I say. What the fuck_ just happ—

"I am sorry."

At first, with all the confusion and dilemma in my head, I was unsure whether Solas really spoke or not. I gulped hard at the sound of his voice, muffled by the palm of his hand. I was thankful that his back was facing me because there was no way in the world that I would be able to look at him.

"I-I..um- I'm so-sorry too." I cursed at myself for stuttering, as it obviously added fuel to the already burning awkwardness between us.

"I'm. Eum. Gonna go now. O-okay ?" _Fucking awkward as fuck !_

He silently nodded. And I didn't hesitate, I hastily climbed down the ladder as fast as I can. As I wasn't fully in control of my limbs, I clumsily slipped four steps before I was able to get down. And I walked fast, not caring if it seemed like I was running, I went outside, away from the rotunda.

I had to force myself to calmly walk to the battlements as I didn't want to attract any attention. I thanked the cold breeze of the mountain as it played in my favour, prickling my heated cheeks.

I cupped my cheeks and brought my fingers on my lips.

Oh my god.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm admitting it right now; I squeeled at my own chapter.  
> And I don't care if I'm lame. I don't care. Okay, maybe a little..
> 
> Anyway, I just wrote a new summary for this story. Tell me what you think of it ;) 
> 
> I will be on hiatus for a least a month. My exams are coming fast and so my free time is resumed by staring blankly into million of pages that I have to fuse with to be able to succeed. Pray that I don't become dust.
> 
> PS: I didn't plan to take a break on such 'circumstances' ;)


	20. Aftertaste.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, eh ?

Whenever I caught a glimpse of Solas, I would find him buried amidst his pile of books in the rotunda, completely engrossed in his never-ending reading and research.

More than usual that is. Cautiously, I would steal glances at him, though he was much more preoccupied with something else than contemplating our little accident. The subtlety didn't seem necessary. By night time, his head seemed to weight heavier, and he would rest his chin on his knuckles for support, the candlelight casting shadows on the hollow of his eyes as he reads.

  
Somewhat, the kiss refused to leave me alone, and I'd even lost a bit of sleep over the matter. Not that I was expecting him to be bothered or anything. His face was the same as ever, nothing in his features betrayed his composure.

  
I always knew that Solas didn't approach other companions. I noticed, as I was walking by the library to return some books I have been piling up on my nightstand, catching him at his usual place. He seemed so alone down in the center of the room. But considering his 'under cover' situation, it was pretty self explanatory. He was quiet man, more comfortable with spirits that he was with most people. That he would keep to himself was expected.  
Maybe, the distance he carefully placed between everyone and himself made it so, that he was unreachable. But then again, I wouldn't be surprised that I was the only one shaken. He probably considered it as kissing a sloppy nug.

  
_I mean, nugs are cute.._

 

He moved around the rotunda with so much purpose, I couldn't bring myself to bother him with my silly questions regarding what happened last time. Strangely enough, the smudged paint remained visible on the more dim side of the wall. The kiss, albeit accidental, couldn’t have been more than a few seconds of contact, forced me to see Solas in a new light, made me wonder what he felt about—

  
However, I refused to wander to the rotunda again.

  
Perhaps it was for the best that I didn't bring up the subject. He must be feeling embarrassed or maybe uncomfortable about the whole situation. I shouldn't act like a twelve year old kissing a boy for the first time. I'm adult.

  
And an adult does adult's stuff.

  
Simultaneously, I was busy as well. Though, I must admit, I didn't try _not_ to be. The distraction was mostly welcome. With all our numerous plate mates, my colleagues and I were to cook a lot of food for them. Men already could eat gallons of food if they put their heart at it, and soldiers, even more. Just as we were finished with preparing breakfast, we would have to cook the next meal directly. It was quite tiring, but I would lie if I said it wasn't fun. I had the honour of handing out their bowls of warm soup and their piece of bread in the courtyard with all their shields covering the ground. As if the task wasn't demanding enough, I had to waltz around on my toes, carefully placing my feet on a visible patch of grass as I made my way through. They even laughed at me as I almost tripped once, on one of their shields. _I swear, if I found out who it belong to.._ I happen to have become their only entertainment during their well-earned breaks.

  
They seem to greatly enjoy them self for they made no effort on removing them out of the way and on the following days, the number of green seem to get even fewer. One of them, an old woman called Mira, invited me to join them. She even offered me a stool to eat with them. It was such a strange sight. They made a small campfire in the middle of the courtyard, which got them reprimanded by Cully Wully. But with the Inquisitor insisting that it was for the good of the soldiers' morals, the fire remained lit. When night fell, they would share battlefield stories, sing songs with hoarse voices and laugh ever so loudly. _It was a warrior's signature at this point_. Although, Skyhold has some vacant rooms left to stay in the night, they wanted to stay together.

  
And it was beautiful. The peacefulness of it all.

  
The soldiers were scheduled to train daily, yet they were having so much fun, it seemed. And so instead of sulking, I had the great idea of participating with their arduous training. I've been behind Skyhold's protective walls for several months now. The crave for that thrilling adventure was my very lead.

  
Figures, I was starting to regret it. I was practically dying, trying to get over the snowy hill and I wasn't even wearing any armour. The run down was so much easier than the climb. I always thought of myself as someone in quite a good shape, but this hill—aah. It's seriously making me doubt myself.

Unexpectedly, I felt a heavy hand pat me on the shoulder, the weight of it pushing me forward.

  
"Hey, what are you still doing here standing like a stump ? Can't handle a couple of hills ?" Krem said in between large huff of breaths. His large intake of breaths were understandable in his case, for he did a lot more than climbing a freaking dune. He was dripping in sweat, clearly steaming under his armour.

  
As a reply, I waved a hand at him unable to catch my breath. My lungs were literally burning. The hill was painfully steep and the mountain's snow didn't make it any easier.

  
"Wait here. I'll go and bring a horse." He said nonchalantly before he turned around to run up the hill.

  
"No!" I bursted. "I can do this," I said determined to surpass myself. "Just—give me a sec."

  
After un moment of short recuperation, I resumed my self inflicted torture up the cruel mountain.

I ungracefully slumped on the stack of hay nearby as soon as I returned and arrived in the stables, which earned me a glare from mister horse master. I ignored it completely, too busy falling asleep and it wasn't even the afternoon.

  
"Kaysea ?" A deep voice echoed in my head before I entirely dozed off, pulling me back to reality. It took me several seconds before I recognised Blackwall's voice. "Is something the matter ?" He asked, his voice worried. I often forget that this horse's shi—manure smelling stables could be considered his chambers. _How can he withstand the smell ?_

  
I didn't bother opening my eyes. "I'm pooped." I replied, my voice but a low whisper. The fatigue too overwhelming.

  
"Little legs getting tired ?"  
I would have rolled my eyes if I wasn't so damn exhausted. I pushed myself up, painfully opening my eyes. At this point, I already gave up on the small chance of getting some shut-eye. _Man, the ordeal is real._

  
"Dorian. Just tell me what you want to say. Please, and be quick. I don't know for how long I'll be able to keep my eyes open." I said, the sunlight too dazzling to keep my gaze steady.

  
"Oh, I don't know. I have a lot to say.." He replied, casually pretending to think as he tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Shall we talk about me then. Do you see my hair, cut out so nicely, soften by the most expensive oil treatment ? The plant used in the process, I assured you, is of the highest quality, and the rarest plant you could find in Tevinter.."

  
I threw my hands in the air and splayed myself back on the stack of hay in complete desperation and resignation. By doing so, I finally caught sight of Blackwall, who was standing near the campfire. To my surprise, he stood there, bare chested, his skin covered in sweat faintly glistened and glowed in the dimly lit place. The shock or perhaps the sight made me scream internally. _My god_. I must have unintentionally stared at him for far too long, for he shifted his gaze from Dorian, who was still babbling about Tevinter toiletries, to me, who was clearly checking him out.

  
"The view is quite marvellous, isn't it?" Dorian prompted, his beautiful face appeared out of nowhere, too close to my face for comfort, hindering my obvious contemplation. I had to fight back my head from tilting sideways. I figured hiding .. my interest on Blackwall's musculature would be even worse than blatantly admitting it.

  
"Speak for yourself, bad boy." I joked, as I splatted my hand on Dorian's face and gave a little push to get him out of the way.

  
"Hey! Not my pretty face!" He warned and shook his head off to free himself.

  
I stood up and dusted away my clothes from any hay that got stuck on them. "So, was there something you really had to tell me, Dorian ?" I asked, eager to change the subject. I knew not where to look, and kept myself busy plucking the hay off my clothes.

  
But Dorian had something else in mind, as if the mischievous smirk that played on his lips didn't gave it away already. As he said nothing and continued to observe me nonchalantly, I felt awfully intimidated by both, Dorian and Blackwall's gaze on me, which caused the embarrassment I fought so hard to push away previously, to slowly set upon my cheeks. And thus, I gave up all the pretence and simply used both my hands to hide my tomato head from them.

  
"No use hiding now. But I would suggest a more secluded place than behind your little hands." Dorian said way too happily. I wanted to wring his neck so badly.

  
"There you are."

  
Instantly, my shoulders uncomfortably tensed up by the sound of his voice and I found myself holding my breath for a while.

  
"The Inquisitor is waiting for us by the gates." Solas said, his voice calm and steady.

  
"Hey, don't point the finger at me! If Kaysea wasn't so busy drooling over our friend here, we would've gone much earlier." Dorian responded pointing his thumb behind me which I assumed must have been Blackwall's direction.

  
_I swear I'm gonna dig his own grave._ "I'm not holding you back, am I ?" I said sarcastically, as I walked over to him and started pushing him away. "Go on. By-eee!"

  
"I think, you just can’t bear to let a gorgeous guy like me out of your sight." He said lasciviously, his eyes half-lidded and eyebrows considerably raised in a fake daunting expression.

  
Solas sighed momentarily. "I presume you did not tell her ?" He inquired, holding his staff with both of his hands.

  
"Tell me what ?" I asked confused. It was only then that I was able to look at him straight in the eye, curiosity overtaking the awkwardness between us.

"I might have eluded some details." Dorian said as he winked at me.

"You are coming with us."

 

* * *

 

 

Gold, blue and white. How could I forget.

  
The colour patterns of the grand city of Orlais appeared to burn so brightly against the sun and the added greenery counterbalanced out its vibrancy. Even the multiple touches of red only added to its beauty.

  
_Who would have thought that I would miss this ?_ The glorified city didn't seem to have changed since I came here last. It was ever so beautiful, even more in this time of the year. Long strips of red fabric casted shadows on the rounded plaza, it offered a must needed shade where you could shelter yourself from the dazzling sun. It was good day.

  
But not really a good timing.

  
"Couldn't you have told me ?" I fumed, arms crossed in front of my chest.

  
"Look, I'm sorry. But I've apologised so many times now, I could feel my tongue getting numb." Dorian said as he walked in front of me.

  
"I look like a big mess." I mumbled to myself. The suddenness of the trip has caught me off guard and didn't give me the time to make myself more presentable. Thus, I stand here in soiled and unkempt clothing amongst the nobles of Val Royeaux.

  
Trevelyan let out a small delicate laugh as she heard my uncontrolled mumbling. I couldn't possibly stand being laughed at right now.

  
"Do not worry. It's not necessary. I go through here all bloodied and crummy all the time." She kindly reassured.

  
"What am I even doing here? Can you tell me already." I asked desperately. When I mentioned adventure, I was quite sure it didn't involve being Val Royeaux's jester.

  
"You shall see." She simply said.

  
As we walked a little further, Dorian entered what seemingly looked like a shop, though I can vaguely tell what kind it was. As I entered after him, I saw a man's figure in the corner of my eye, before I violently collided into someone which made me fall backwards and knocked out the air of my lungs by the force of it. The man was surely in a hurry.

  
I held my nose, whom took most of the blow, trying to somehow soothe it. Solas came to help, holding my shoulders to keep me steady as I tried to stand back on my own two feet again.

  
"Apologise." A gruff voice said.

  
I turned my gaze towards the direction of the voice and everyone seemed to have done the same. Surprisingly, there were two men standing on our way. The first was a typical noble man dressed in fancy clothes. He was masked and wore that horrible sack of a hat that most nobles wear. The other one was much taller, and stern looking, he didn't wear any mask but even he, followed the Orlesian fashion. I couldn't quite pinpoint which one of them talked. But it mattered little.

  
Trevelyan took a step closer to say something but I beat her to it, wanting to confront them on my own. "Why should I ?" I couldn't help the hint of irritation in my voice as I said it. "You're the ones who practically, ran into me."

  
The tall man menacingly squinted his eyes at me, but it was the masked man who spoke. He exclaimed so dramatically, so shocked at my response, that I took a step back just to be safe. _What a weirdo_. His high pitched Orlesian accent was horribly teeth grinding worthy.

  
"You shall. And I will ignore your insolence, as I am a kind man. Now hurry and pick up what you made my lord drop." He said as he pointed down at the mess between us. There were multiples boxes thrown on the floor, revealing what had been inside; silk shirts, leathered trousers, white coloured socks and gloves, and whatever more was in there.

 

"Do your knife-ears betray you?"

 

The gruff voice came back. I didn't quite know which was more enraging, the fact that he dared to insult me, and more so over a minor accident or that he used the term 'knife-ear' to do so. I felt the air suddenly tease up as he finished, loaded with something heavy. It was he, who had spoken initially. And here, I thought he was mute.

  
"You should be begging for me not to retire you from your servitude. Whoever your lord is, I pity him." He didn't need to spat on the floor to prove his meaning. The look of disdain on his face was enough.  
I looked at him straight in the eye for moment, anger pushing me forward as I stepped over their newly bought belongings, and stood head held high in front of him.

  
"Make me."

  
I couldn't really tell if it was his distasteful arrogance or pride that irritated me the most. But I wasn't letting it pass. At my words, he stood slightly straighter, puffing out his chest in the hope to intimidate me. Not even one tiny bit. If he tries anything, all I'll have to do is to lift up my knee and .. Bam, into the target.

  
Unfortunately, before I could turn my well-improvised plan into bold action, Solas unexpectedly stepped between me and my opponent interrupting my evil plan.

  
Solas is such a party pooper.

  
"There seem to be a slight misunderstanding. The young lady is no servant, or 'knife-ear' as to use your term." Solas kindly informed.

  
"What is she if not an insolent, cruddy and viper-tongued knife eared servant ?" Potato head asked as he accusingly pointed a finger at me. How satisfying would it be if I just bit it off of his hand.

  
"She is an—"

  
"Know your place, servant." The so called 'lord' rudely quipped at Solas' attention. My head fumed instantly with rage. I'm gonna back slap the bitch ass—

  
"They are agents of the Inquisition. Not servants. I've had enough of your insults towards my allies. I have not taken it kindly."

  
"I-I-In-Inquisitor?!" Potato head stuttered visibly shocked and surprised at Trevelyan's unprompted intervention.

  
The 'lord' barely blinked an eye at his companion sheer surprised. "If so, keep them tamed if not leashed and your Inquisition would not be put to question. It is on your behalf, Inquisitor."

  
"Do not speak of them as such. You are nowhere near their worth, even with counting both of you. As much as you would like to think otherwise, they are much more valuable than your petty words." She calmly responded.

  
The man's pride has been seriously wounded by the Inquisitor's unmerciful words and by the the way he clenched his jaw and his fists. He barely shook in anger, dignity was all there was left to save.

He blatantly glared at me, pure hatred directed towards me. I lifted up my inconspicuous middle finger over Solas' shoulder in order to harshly demean the ungrateful bastard that still stood before us.

And it's all it took. Thankfully, he swiftly departed, only after I lifted a small finger up at him followed by his scurrying little pet called: potato head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There! The long awaited chapter after a never-ending break. 
> 
> I finally finished my exams and I could asssure you, I did not come out of those daily 5 hours exams unscarred.
> 
> I don't know if it's just me but, did AO3 updated their site during My one month absence ? I feel like the writing system or whatever has changed. But maybe it's just me.  
> It so weird to write after so long, I feel like I've gotten rusty.


	21. Surprises around every corner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta~da!

As soon as we entered a secluded little room in the shop, Trevelyan made me undress and take a quick shower, spilling hot water on me as soon as I was naked and ready. I only had the time to blink the water away that she was already drying my drenched hair with a towel.

She didn't even leave me a second of respite even as she clothed me. Though, I didn't dare to ask what was the hurry anymore than the reason of this strange trip.

 "So... Are you angry ?" I asked hesitantly, not quite sure of what might be awaiting me.

 Trevelyan looked at me then. Her eyes showed a mild confusion. "I was. Though, even they do not deserve that amount of attention."

 She returned her hands on my sash busying herself to tie it securely tight. "I shouldn—" She tugged at the leather roughly which caused me to have an unsteady balance. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have provoked them." I said sincerely.

 As I casted down my gaze, I saw her kneel as she next took care of my untied shoelaces. She lightly signed and kept her eyes on my feet.

 "Well, what's done is done. Do not think much of it." She said checking the outfit she had put together for me.

"Then, are you mad towards me ? I really need to know." I pleaded, a little frustrated about this whole situation. Everything was so secretive and sudden, I had no idea what to think or feel about it. And it was seriously starting to add up, _with those two arrogant nobles included._

She focused her green eyes on me. I momentarily saw realisation in her gaze but it quickly disappeared, replaced by an inexplicable tenderness. "Kaysea, dear, I'm not mad at you. I have no reason to."

 "Then what's this all about, all this pampering ?" I asked, the understanding doesn't come as fast as I expected.

"It is a gift." She responded. "For your birthday. I hope you don't mind it being late."

My mouth was left agape. My brain froze at her words, it was exactly the inopportune time to do so considering I needed it to figure out what she just claimed. I had thought that all this was some sort of punishment from my behaviour earlier with those damn nobles. A well intended gift was the last thing I would've guessed.

"I.. I don't know what to say." I stuttered, confused and surprise at the same time.

"It fits perfectly." Trevelyan observed a sweet smile across her face. "It a light weighted armour. Do not worry about the tightness, the trousers will eventually loosen up as you make use of it."

"I—I can't." I said, shaking my head slightly. "I can't possibly accept."

"I've thought you might say that. But you have to, you need it." She reasoned assuredly.

"What do you mean ?" I already had my part of surprises and mysteries for one day, how can there be possibly more ?

She let out a delicate laugh despite herself. "Do you really not know ? You're coming with us."

But even so, her response didn't provide more of an answer as the last one did. "I believed that I've done that already. Coming with you, here that is." Apparently, the confusion was never gonna stop.

She shifted her weight to her left leg and crossed her arms. "Temple of Mythal. Does that ring a bell ?" She asked, an obvious smirk on her lips.

I inhaled deeply, the surprise caught on my throat, the words kept repeating itself in my head in order to somewhat comprehend the whirlpools of events that I had not yet come to terms with.

"You're joking. Solas wouldn't have agreed." I said unbelievingly.

"I do not jest. Quite the contrary, Solas was the one who mentioned the possibility. He believed that _your numerous gifts would be beneficial into making the task successful._ " She said seemingly repeating the words Solas might have said without intent nor mockery. I guess she couldn't find better words to phrase it.

"How.. strange.." I mumbled.

As far as I'm concerned, I remembered Solas being so reluctant of my presence during their dangerous quests. Even so, I couldn't quite say I was unhappy that they've decided to tag me along with them. Man, to be able to see the forgotten ruins of Mythal's temple in the flesh, without the possible limitations of a set up game, has me already drooling at the idea.

She smiled whole heartedly at me as if the plain sight of me made her the happiest. "Exactly what I thought. For him to have agreed with his own volition was quite a surprise." Suddenly, her voice strangely went quiet as if she got lost in her own thoughts. "Hopefully, everything will go as planned. The Arbor wilds was dangerous enough as it is, without the additional.. _trouble_ that's leading us there. " She said, her brows furrowed.

The word, or the name, she had trouble saying might have been 'Corypheus'. By the way her eyes stared absentmindedly at some part of the wall behind me, she's clearly dreading the inevitable encounter with the so called god. I can not say I don't understand. Many times before, I had wished I could reassured her; tell her she was to be victorious in the end. But even I couldn't be sure of what my actions could eventually lead on.

"But, I thrust Solas and value his undeniable wisdom. He would not have said so if he did not truly believe it himself." She added confidently, her darkened expression as well as her worries gone and buried in the depths of mind. "And I thrust _you_ as well."

I felt a pang prickle my heart at her words. As anticipated, she didn't know who he really was. _How could she ?_ The guilt of perfectly knowing Solas's identity weighted heavy on my conscience but even more so to the person who was actually in hiding. _Could have I warned her? But from what ?_ Solas is a good man, so selfless in his sacrifices for the better good. And maybe that's where the problem lies; he will not step back, ever, no matter who's in his way. Sadly, I only know so little compared to the bigger picture. And somehow, I don't think I wish to know.

When I came out of my thoughts, the Inquisitor was rummaging through a clutter of clothes, searching aimlessly.

"I still have one more thing for you." She informed as she inspected a piece of cloth. Eventually, she pulled a big red fabric. "Here. It was left out, but it would be a shame to just simply throw it away." She delicately draped the overly large fabric over my shoulders and tied the loose laces into a knot. "It is a cloak. A type of loose garment you wear over your indoor clothing. It will protect you from the cold, rain and wind."

It was an old coat, I could tell by the way my nose itches as she envelops with it. A thin layer of dust must have covered it previously, before Trevelyan laid hands on it. But it remained beautiful still. It was large, too big on me for it fell and brushed down the floor like an oversized cape.

"You shouldn't have..I—" I whispered in awe and struggled to find what to say as I fixedly looked at the velvet red clothing. It was so soft at the touch. "Thank you." I said grateful, fully knowing the kindness she offered.

How could she think about gifts and such amidst a war that can potentially decide the fate of mankind ? There was this undeniable connection between us I didn't fail to notice whenever we spent time together. _Was it perhaps the connection that linked us together ?_ She had acted like a kind of 'vessel' for me, where through her I was able to take action in the created world of Thedas, though she was completely oblivious to that notion. I had expected for her to disappear completely after my arrival or at the very least depraved of any will like a mindless zombie would be, considering I was in control of her but thinking back about it, it was too improbable. _No one can disappear in thin air._ But even that could not be excepted to the possibility. Nothing in this world was impossible.

As I thanked her, she smiled as she looked at me and gently patted my shoulders reassuringly. _Oh God, Maker or whatever, don't let that ever happen to her._

"Are you girls done ? Can we take a peek ?" Dorian said playfully behind the blue drawn curtains.

I had guessed correctly for a well maintained hairdo came into view followed by a pair of dark mischievous eyes. I wondered as he pushed the makeshift blind aside, why he even bothered to ask for permission when he didn't even wait for a reply. As he casually entered, Solas followed suit. As I saw him, I felt relieved to see that he didn't seem to be fazed by what happened earlier.

"Now that can't possibly be confused as a knife eared servant !" Dorian exclaimed visibly admiring my new set of clothes. "Fortunately, we will be spared of any another ill encounter. Not that I didn't enjoy the show. Well done!"

Fortunately, I hadn't stayed long in my previously worn clothes, dirty as they were I would've had more than one disagreeable encounter that's for sure. Over my undergarments, I wore a cotton cream bodice with tight long sleeves, the shoulders cut open, and over that I wore a studded chestnut brown leather armour whom covered only my body and not so much my arms, enabling me to move my arms freely. Identically, I wore a tight fitted dark leathered trousers as well as knee-high boots. It was incredulous how much leather I was wearing. I kinda felt bad. _Isn't this animal cruelty ?_

Trevelyan turned to face them, hands placed gently on her hips. "Kaysea doesn't need to feel bad because she's different. Our diversity is what defines the Inquisition. And it's not just her, neither of you shall feel any different than my equal. Understood ?"

"Yes, Boss!" Dorian cheered as he straightened his posture. I couldn't help the laugh that escaped me as he grandly saluted the Inquisitor, his staff held firmly in hand.

"Dorian, you're not really conveying what I meant." Trevelyan said with a sigh.

 

As Trevelyan and Dorian stayed behind to purchase some other necessities they may _'_ eventually _'_ require as they said, Solas accompanied me towards the upper levels. I had assumed he would have left me to tend to myself but clearly I wrong. He silently followed me as I took the opportunity to take a walk out of Skyhold's impenetrable walls. The opportunity doesn't come often. That's for sure.

"Solas." I called, trying to break away his gaze towards the skyline view. Successfully, he turned to look at me though he idly stayed silent as he waited for me to say something. "Are you okay ?" I asked as I peered closer at his face. "You're awfully silent."

"Unless I have something to, yes." He calmly said. "Why do you ask ?"

There was coldness in his tone, one I hadn't failed to notice, which brought back our little _'mishap'_ a couple of days ago to mind. Previously, I had pushed it off of my head resigned myself to let it fall to oblivion. But his distant behaviour was reasonable in my opinion, for it still remained around the possible and numerous reactions you would expect from a person after such an embarrassing accident. Gladly, he didn't ignore me, so that was good.

"..Nothing." I answered. This time, I made sure to not to let my gaze linger questionably on his face, an action I seem to do quite often. Instead, I resumed our little walk and it kept me away from his gaze as well. "I was just worried about you. I'm sorry I got you involved with those nobles." I heard him scoff behind me as if the idea seemed so incredulous.

"Your concern though appreciated, is unnecessary. I am well-travelled and I have more than once heard the slurs of people towards my kind. Be it so 'rabbit' or 'knife-ear' from the humans, or flat-ear from the Dalish. I have long accepted the fact that there is no place I can visit without being belittled because of the shape of my ears."

"Do you mean you got use to them ?" I asked, a little shocked to have him openly admit that a large amount of people repeatedly insulted him on what seems like a daily basis occurrence during his travels.

"It is not the words that should worry you. Humans has a tendency to possess power far-greater than the ability to call you names without repercussion." He said, his voice laced with an undefined sorrow as he gazed absentmindedly at the beautiful view towards the white balustrade. The water below, all but glistened under the brightness of the sun. As expected, he did experience encounters alike to today's, surely more than that he had seen the blood of the elves spilled through humans' cruelty, more than anyone could ever witness by how his voice sounded and by the slight furrow of his brows.

"How about yourself ?" Without warning, he returned his attention on me. Luckily, I hadn't instinctively averted my eyes when I met his and was able to maintain eye contact. The change in his tone happened so quickly, it caught me off guard. The hint of sadness has disappeared completely as he smoothly manoeuvred to direct the subject towards me.

"At best, those _'noble'_ men would have left you alone had you simply informed them that they were mistaken." He added as he walked up beside me, which made me realised that I had stopped in my tracks.

"Noble, they were." I rolled my eyes unable to contain the spitefulness that coated my voice. "Mistake or not, they were disrespectful. Though I may not be an elf, I can't stand that kind of racist behaviour towards me or anyone else. Don't you agree ?"

"I do agree, da'len." He said, a tender smile playing on his lips. It has been a while since he had referred to me by that term. Unexpectedly, my face grew hot at the sight, by the way his smile seemed so genuine and by the how his eyes looked blue in the broad daylight.

Though, I blame it more on the fact that it was summer and that the sun was high on the sky without a hint of cloud on the horizon.

This wasn't his doing. The heat I felt on my cheeks wasn't his doing.

_No way._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> O H M Y G O D !  
> I have so much plans for this story, I don't know where to start—ack. Inspiration is overflowing :)  
> And yes, for those who are curious I am going to include every DLC that Bioware has in store for DAI, even the one that is coming soon.  
>  _"Confront the one who started it all."_ Holy grail !  
>  But kinda dissapointed that I won't be able to play it because Bioware moved to next GEN consoles :(  
> Anyway, thanks for reading and for all the support :) Enjoy !


	22. More than once

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had to admit I had a _reeeeeaaallly_ hard time writing this particular chapter. It took more than I intended it to be. Couldn't really figure out what I really wanted but I managed. I wanted to wait till the release of the new DLC (The descent) before posting.

 

 

Breathe in. Breathe out.

 

I watched my steps as I walked. I had managed to convince Solas to continue forward just for a little while longer. Fortunately, it would be far easier to conceal the heat on my cheeks to Solas alone, than to have Dorian and Trevelyan with us. Not to mention, I seriously doubt that Solas was known for his obliviousness. Though it would definitely be quite preferable in these types of situations.

Oftentimes, I had found myself staring at him, my gaze lingering for far too long and justified such fascination for simple curiosity. _He is a curious entity, after all._

 

As we continued to walk forward, I caught sight of a small crowd gathering in front of a tower with what looked like a golden bell atop. A man and a woman dressed both in white stood in front of each other, a chantry sister beside them and another woman not far from them, who seemed quite displeased to be in their present company. Curiously, I had a faint impression that I've already seen this event. I had stopped in my tracks surprised to see such an unusual sight.

 _Wasn't this_ —

 

"There seem to be having a wedding." He unwillingly startled me as he spoke, his voice closer than I remembered. "What a rare sight, amidst times such as these."

 

I followed his gaze back to the couple soon to be wed. "I remember now." I mumbled despite myself. "It's a marriage between a noble woman, Celeste Thibault and a son of the Leandre family." I pointed a finger to show him. "However, her family does not agree." The small crowd seem to be discussing something. Although my ears couldn't reach that far ahead, I could vaguely remember what it was all about.

 

"I presume the man beholds a name of little bearing ?" He noticed as he watched the modest ceremony take place from a distance beside me.

 

I nodded, though such matters held little meaning to me. I have heard such events where marriages were used for political alliances between strong families rather than an intimate union between two lovers. Fortunately it was a rare practice in my world. At least, I hope so.

 

"Such is the way of nobility." Solas looked thoughtful but not surprised in the slightest.

 

We idly observed their wedding in silence, relishing on the small distraction it offered. With further observation, I noticed that the woman wore a white flower crown on her head. I knew little of Orlesians' traditional customs but I could tell that it was _'too humble'_ according to aristocrat's standards.

Still, I smiled. Somehow relieved that in the end they were able to found the courage to be together even when they were supposedly not meant to be.

Through her annoyed expression, her impatient exterior and her apparent desire to speed things up, I could assuredly tell that she was blissful. She was marrying someone she loved.

 

After a little while, I wasn't surprised to see Trevelyan walk up to them, the speed of her heels indicating a slight excitement. _It was only a matter of time._ She was to interrupt the ceremony to give to the unusual pairing her blessings. If I would've guessed, I'd say she must have pictured herself and Cullen in their position, promising their undying love for each other, for people rarely get married during these hard-times.

 

"Have you ever wanted to get married ?" A bold question, one I thought I'll never ask. Nonetheless it fitted the present mood perfectly and what better time to ask than during an actual wedding.

 

Solas glanced momentarily at me as he pondered. "..No, never."

  
I raised an eyebrow at him and peered at his face more closely. "Really ? Never is such a long time."

 

"No more than forever is."

 

As we locked eyes, I noticed his gaze, intense in his search for some recognition in mine. A hidden question laid there. He patiently waited for some answer. His dark blue eyes bore into mine, watching every detail of every expression.

From time to time whenever I would write my diary or read some books from the library, I would feel that similar look in his eyes, watching me from a distance from either atop the scaffolding or across the other side of the table. A feeling I would often overlook, for each time I had caught him he would casually avert his eyes.

The answer to his question didn't come willingly as I refused to give it. I could've maintained eye contact but I didn't trust myself to have enough strength to do so, and thus I quickly escaped his piercing gaze as soon as I saw the chance. Fully aware that either way, I would've unintentionally gave it away.

How baffling that he could so easily see through me without even batting an eye.

 

He paused before he spoke again. "As a young man, I was never one to be bound to anyone. Instead, the aspect of freedom made more appeal to me than most... In a number of levels."

The subtle change of subject made me feel somehow grateful. But in that short moment of hesitation, there was so much words unsaid, which might have hinted his self planned rebellion against the cruel gods, both the creators and the forgotten, in order to free the People from their unruly grasp.

Or maybe it could've hinted nothing else than a few feverish dalliances here and there that he was unwilling to reveal. Or perhaps both.

He did speak about _levels_.

Afterall, Solas must've had more women than what a single lifetime could ever offer, he always had a thing for words, and _that_ did not change one bit.

 

Meanwhile, Trevelyan had given her blessings and politely stepped away, a grand smile on her face which Dorian didn't fail to return as she joined him near the staircases. From the look of those lovebirds, their faces practically beamed of happiness much to the matchmaker disappointment, they surely heard the dialogue option with a heart.

 

"Willing to elaborate ?" I nudged his arm playfully, with no expectations, certain that he wouldn't give anymore details than he already did.

 

He signed but unexpectedly answered all the same. "To simply put it, I was a selfish man, cocky and hot-headed, always ready to fight. A foolish man who thought he knew everything, eager to have everything he wanted the way he wanted them to be." His voice was calm as always but much softer as he said the words. "As much as freedom has its benefits, it lets room to more mistakes. And you, alone, is left to shoulder the weight of your actions."

 

It surprised me. There was pain—maybe, even regret—subtle, in his voice yet it did not show itself, kept it buried deep within. He didn't even try to lighten the severe truth of his past self, perhaps aware that I knew at least that much.

I can not say I hadn't felt strange to openly hear that darkest side of himself _from him_. Had I not known his true identity, I would have found those words difficult to believe. Even _that_ , was an understatement.

 

He was unspeakably far too honest than the ordinary. In the past, he had opened up to me but never to such extents. Of course, I had my doubts, as well as he, that he has little to hide from me. But even I knew not to linger on past events, specially _his_.

 

"Well in my case, believe it or not, I wanted to get married one day. It was every little girl's dream." I grinned, a little reminiscent. "And then later on, I found out that it takes two people get married."

Naturally there was much more to the ceremony than wearing a huge white gown at some party, but as a little girl that's pretty much what I was all interested in. My attempt to lighten up the mood by highlighting my stupidity was not the best subject of discussion, and certainly not something I would do again but as he slowly smiled ; I had allowed it. _Just this once_.

 

Instantly, I could see the results of my success. "Time does change things quite drastically." He teased, a smirk tugging the corners of his lips.

That reply could've meant many things, sorrowful memories that comes back to his first awakening to the new world or the harsh choices he had to make that resulted in his change of character. It could've meant many things but for now, if only for now, I didn't want it to be sorrowful.

 

"Heey! We've all been stupid once." I playfully hit him on the shoulder. Luckily for him he didn't try to dodge it, had he, he would've tasted my furry. He chuckled, his laugh rich despite his minor attempts to stifle the sound.

 

Shortly after, Dorian and Trevelyan unintentionally caught sight of us as, they too, were nearby. They ushered us _'to take the fun'_ elsewhere as we have stayed for far too long than we needed to. In the meantime, they've failed to mention that they were the one that extended our trip by spending money on extra necessities. If they really were.

 

Yet I did not complain, for their unprompted arrival wasn't enough to erase the smile that both lingered on our faces. Solas and I did need the extra bonding afterall.

 

For once, surprises weren't so bad.

 

* * *

 

 

Situated on the mountains, the sun's warmth was already more forgiving than in the city and the fact that it was nighttime helped tame the summer heat.

The familiar winds that blew around the mountain would still send shivers through my body, but wasn't enough to make me want to sneeze and the newly bought armour as well as the cloak, thicker than my usual clothes kept the cold at bay.

 

Upon our return to Skyhold, we were greeted by the noisy chatter of the new sheltered soldiers as well as the smell of cooked meat and delicious soup. The warm food completely sated my hunger from the lunch I had missed. Blackwall, Sera, Cole were already sited around the campfire in Blackwall's barn when we arrived. The space around the campfire outside was overly crowded with soldiers alone, without the merchants and particular nobles that joined them. Iron Bull, Cassandra, Trevelyan and Cullen were among them as well, probably to ensure the good morale of the troops before they depart tomorrow early morning. They would need to clear the first line of defence before we are to march to the Arbor Wilds.

 

"Oh, for... really?!"

 

Unexpectedly, Solas' voice rose amongst the noise that surrounded us and pulled me away from my daydream. Curiously, his tone was laced with disbelief and desperation.

 

" _Look_ , it's a natural thing to be curious about!"

 

Blackwall sounded as if he was justifying whatever he just asked to Solas. He would've looked almost serious if not for the smile that was hidden under his beard.

 

"For a twelve year old!"

 

Although I shouldn't be eavesdropping on their conversation, I can't deny that it had piqued my interest. Solas was rarely caught off guard and I was determined to know why.

Surely, I have heard of the banter before.

 

"It's a simple yes or no question!"

 

Eventually the sound of their voices slowly lowered themselves, drowned in the ambient noise and chatter nearby. From across a couple feet distance, I couldn't hear no more. Even with the insufficient amount of words exchanged between the two, I've already made my assumptions. I can't possibly be wrong.

 To begin with, I had quickly scanned the room for any potential location that would make the task a little easier. Not far from the burning brazier, Solas sat on the wooden stool next to the chair where Blackwall sat as well. Cole nonchalantly sat on the table, a wooden sculpture of a griffon on his lap.

But before I could make up my mind, I had spotted Sera who was silently sitting on a block of hay near the campfire. And it was rare that Sera behaved.

 

Unusual.

 

As I came up to her I had lightly tapped her shoulder and she scouted over so I could sit beside her. She shot me a mischievous look, a constant expression on her face. By the wide smile that she was flashing, she seemed totally aware that my inconspicuous presence had the same ulterior motive as hers.

As to not appear suspicious, I had slowly begun to braid my long hair and forced myself to listen very closely, for unlike Sera my hearing wasn't so keen.

 

"... or spirits is simple, especially not that." Solas's tone was stern, completely determined to evade Blackwall's curiosity.

 

"Aha! So you _do_ have experience in these matters!" But Blackwall refused to relent, so proud at his own mischief, eager to take advantage of the moment. It was nice to see them back on good terms after he finally discovered the truth about Blackwall. But it seems that someone was about to change his mind.

 

"I did not say that." Solas's face was solemn, lips reduced to nothing but a straight line. Despite his composed expression, the slight furrow of his brows indicated a small frustration.

 

"Don't panic. It'll be our little secret." As Sera's shoulders started to shake, Blackwall's whispers did not go unheard.

 

"Ass."

 

That simple word, one, a simple stranger would never expect to hear from someone as stiff as Solas, completely slew me. To hell with all the pretence.

 

"Now who's twelve?"

 

Eventually I couldn't possibly hold my laughter any longer. To Solas's dismay, Sera had instantly followed. She leaned her head on my shoulder for support while she held her belly as if she could not withstand it. Our laughter rang loudly in the barn which owned us some curious look from people passing by. Solas's expression turned sour as if he just took a sip of tea.

 

Since when did Sera and Blackwall got along so well that they'd came up with something like this together ? I wouldn't have put it past Sera, but Blackwall ? I should've had my doubts after what happened hours prior before our departure to the Winter Palace.

 To make matters worse, I could hardly ever imagine Solas to ever be in that sort of situation. I can't even picture it, even in my wildest dreams. To actually be in a state where solitude and loneliness ate at him and to go as far as to seek ... companionship in the depths of the Fade.

 

Man, still waters _do_ run deep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you very much for reading ~
> 
> Blackwall: Sera and I were just talking about you. We need you to settle a question for us.  
> Solas: _(Sighs.)_ Sera's involved? So this question will be offensive.  
>  Blackwall: Yes, probably. Sorry.  
> Blackwall: You make friends with spirits in the Fade. So... um, are there any that are more than just friends? If you know what I mean.  
> Solas: Oh, for... really?!  
> Blackwall: Look, it's a natural thing to be curious about!  
> Solas: For a twelve year old!  
> Blackwall: It's a simple yes or no question!  
> Solas: _Nothing_ about the Fade or spirits is simple, especially not that.  
>  Blackwall: Aha! So you _do_ have experience in these matters!  
>  Solas: I did not say that.  
> Blackwall: Don't panic. It'll be our little secret.  
> Solas: Ass.  
> Blackwall: Now who's twelve?


	23. Calm.

"Prepare the saddles!"

A puff of breath escaped Cullen's mouth as he shouted commands to the agents.

The first daylight could barely be seen in the sky. I leaned over the railing and tried to catch a glimpse of the soldiers' depart. As I wasn't completely awake yet, I had kept my bare feet on the cold stone floor of the balcony, hoping that the drowsiness would eventually pass.

Before how long, and since I awoke, many soldiers were scattered all over the fortress, and some were already on formation across the long bridge accordingly dressed for battle. With their bed perfectly made, Leliana and Josephine had long been gone, preoccupied by the overwhelming preparation this battle needed. In fact, I rarely saw any of the advisors for a whole month.

"Put some muscle into it, recruit!"

Numerous agents were running back and forth from Skyhold as well, and Cullen certainly kept them busy. He was to lead them and join Celene's army who has already begun their voyage to the Arbor Wilds.

Curiously, I heard a gentle knock on the door. At first, I had simply ignored it and offered nothing but a sideway glance, thinking it was merely the wooden door that creaked against the heavy footsteps from behind the door.

"Leliana said I would find you here. Am I intruding ?"

I jumped at the sound of his voice surprised to hear someone else's voice. He was half hidden behind the door, and the remaining fire in the fireplace gave little light to the bedroom which made it no less easier to see.

"Solas, you scared me."

"I was sure I made my presence known. But if the contrary, I apologise. Can I come in ?" He safely kept one hand on the doorknob ready to flee any instant, his gaze not directly making eye contact as if he was expecting to be refused entry.

I swiftly nodded before he was able to decide an answer for me and returned into the room, closing the glass doors behind me.

He stepped away from the doorway hesitantly and let the door close shut.

"It must be something important if you needed to come first thing early in the morning."

As the darkness of the bedroom made the meeting a little bothersome, I had crouched down and made an attempt to rekindle the little fire by poking it with a stick. 

"Well, now that you're here, why don't you try to lighten the room for me ?"

"Of all the things you could easily learn, you choose to put off the task of making a fire by yourself for last."

He kneeled by the fireplace, and a spark of green and blue danced in between his fingertips right before it launched itself into the remaining pieces of charcoal and darkened wooden logs. Like something brought back to life, the fireplace burned anew. My eyes who have grown accustomed to the darkness were temporarily blinded by the sudden spur of his magic.

 _Veilfire_.

The room that was previously dark and gloomy faintly shone an ominous green glow, which strangely reminded me of the Fade.

"It is always so beautiful." I mumbled and a sneaky smile made its way to my face. I recalled a memory of us when Solas personally showed me his magic. It was late evening last time.

"Plus, I can't possibly skip pass your excellent and very efficient services." I joked.

"Assuredly, I must say I appreciate my help being recognised."

I heard a faint laugh as we sat on the fury carpet that Josephine insisted on having before winter came. A comfortable silence settled as we both gazed at the cozy fireplace.

"Were you possibly asleep ?"

"It's not even dawn and everyone is already awake and running. I can't bring myself to snooze away."

The greenish fire didn't seem to burn at all from the looks of it. It simply glowed, fervently dancing amongst the darkened coals.

"It is a battle that can possibly bring forth a decisive outcome for the Inquisition. It is dangerous, that I cannot stress enough."

I nodded reluctantly, remembering the waves of enemies, both venatori and elves, demons and dragon alike, that filled and blocked the path to the the Temple. Although the outcome wasn't unknown to me, it was certain that the experience in those ruins would be entirely different from what I had seen through the screen. I would lie if I said I didn't feel anxiety at the thought of blood, death that would result to the incoming battle.

"Here."

A small object was handed to me. It was enveloped in leather fabric.

"What is it ?" I asked but he offered no explanation regarding the mysterious object.

Decidedly I was to find out by myself. I removed the fabric and it revealed an angled knife, with the hilt filled with intricate designs as well as some foreign writings on the stainless steel.

"A knife ?" A question I did not mean to say out loud, for as far as I could tell knives weren't meant to be given as gifts. Right ?

"No, not quite da'len. It is a dagger."

Well, that changes everything.

I held the golden hilt which perfectly fitted the curve of my palm. On closer inspection, its origin strangely reminded me of elven craftsmanship in which the hilt design were encumbered by drawings of trees, animals and birds. The sharpness of the curves was lost by its old age, the surface of its carved nature was smoother than I had expected. It might not have been new but of all the things that could possibly be worn down, the blade itself would expectedly be in a bad shape. 

Unless, the blade _itself_ was unnecessary.

"Mhm. It's very thoughtful of you, but _I'd_ rather defend myself with my bow and arrow from a safe distance rather than to actually come up too close to someone ... or something to be able to do so."

"Desperate situations calls for desperate measures. It is better you are prepared for the worst than the alternative."

It sent chills down my spine to acknowledge the fact that I might have to resort in using desperate measures--whatever that entailed-- to potentially escape an actual enemy.

Chances are, they won't be pleasant.

"I guess it wouldn't hurt to be extra careful."

From only a couple inches away, I could feel Solas' tense shoulders relax at my words, followed by a shallow sign of relief.

"I only tell you this hoping that you would stay safe. Consider it an opportunity to hone your survival instincts."

Although it may have only been the veilfire light that casted a shadow across his face, his gaze was charmingly intense under the dimness of the room.

"I know."

My uneasiness must have been apparent for he felt the need to somewhat reassure me. I gently wrapped the elven dagger in its initial leathered fabric. Be it a gift or not, I cannot hide the uneasiness I felt towards it, in over all the gesture itself. The fact that the _Dread Wolf_ gave it to me made it no less reassuring.

"It's just—I'm not looking forward to killing people."

He threw his head back, a cry of enlightenment escaped his lips before he could suppress it.

"Ha!—So that's what it was." There was a strange hint of amusement in his voice. And something else..

"What was what ?" I asked confused.

"The frown whenever The Iron Bull gets overly enthusiastic about having a chance to swing his sword harder, the silence over the campfire at the mention of a battle well-fought, the reluctance towards a meal newly hunted ? You detest--despise violence." A slight hint resemblance to pride at being able to finally figure me out. Somehow ? Though I might be mistaken, the wide smile on his face made it more excusable.

"Is it wrong of me ?" I whispered more to myself than to Solas.

A question that constantly stayed on my mind now and again. Wrong of me to think that everything was pink and blue skies. Somehow I couldn't help but compare myself to Cole. After all, he too came from another _'place'_. Had it merely been that sole common thread, it wouldn't have tormented me this much. Varric's words stuck to me.

_`But he isn't a spirit is he ? He made himself human.`_

_`He did that to himself when he left the Fade, I'm just helping him survive it.`_

"No. Sadly it is a mindset that would mostly be disadvantageous to you considering the current state this world is in. War often makes the most out of those who stands aside. There is no difference as to accept a fate that another has chosen for you. Unnerving as it is even neutrality has its own price."

Needless to say it's still amazes me to this day, Varric's words were...powerful. Even now, thinking about it; to have Varric actually convince—at least partially—our godly friend to reconsider his position on Cole's situation, I must say I was quite impressed. Perhaps I should ask for some tips.

"Of course nothing can be just simple."

" _But_. Although its inconvenience, it is a virtue one rarely possess. You do not need to change just so you can accept this world better."

_`You would alter the essence of what he is. We cannot change our nature by wishing.`_

_`You think ?`_

He seemed so sincere. I had wished it was only to make me feel better, but Solas always spoke the truth about what he believes in rather than comply to what others were feeling. I felt insecure. And I shouldn't have sought comfort to anyone who was willing to give it—

"It is only temporary after all."

I jerked at his words. Goosebumps and chills suddenly covered my entire being. He turned away from the fireplace, and slightly leaned his head to the side, almost as confused as I was towards my own behaviour.

I had barely find the words to ask. "What did you—"

The door unexpectedly swung open, startling both of us. A loud bang on the stone walls and a swift cold morning wind indicated that it was unintentional. And as I thought, Leliana and Josephine came into view. The Ambassador entered first, running after what seemed like documents that supposedly escaped her grasp. She mumbled as she picked them up barely noticing us.

"Josie, how elegant of you, so very elegant." Leliana nonchalantly followed, but her eyes were keener. Josephine finally faced us, hair tousled free from its braid.

"Oh my, we—"

" _You_." Leliana smiled wickedly, completely amused. And Josie responded with a glare, more out as a warning than out of embarrassment.

" _I_ didn't mean to interrupt." Solas swiftly stood, extinguishing his magic as he held his palm over the fireplace.

I expected to be plunged into complete darkness, but luckily the sun started to peek through the sky.

"You did not. We had just finished. I will not linger in your chambers any longer than intended. You, of all people need the rest. I shall take my leave."

And with that he left, making a beeline for the door. I was barely able to stop myself from grabbing his sleeve.

_We weren't finished._

_What did he mean by 'temporary' ?_

The last part of our conversation left an unsettling feeling in my gut. Either he didn't mean anything by it or I was reading too much into it.

He left so suddenly. He must have felt like he was intruding in someone else's chamber without permission. After all, the bedroom wasn't mine alone.

Yet, my heart refused to settle.

"Kaysea, I am truly sorry. I wasn't paying attention."

Josephine had trouble flattening the rebel strands on her head, as she placed her bundle of papers on her nightstand.

"Oh, you should have. It was romantic."

Leliana crossed her arms as though she has caught me red-handed. A cheeky smile lifting the corners of her lips.

"What makes you— _No_ it wasn't."

"Who are you kidding ? _I saw it_."

" _It ?_ " I signed, preparing myself for the teasing to escalate quickly. "It is too early for riddles. Spare me." I clasped my hands together in front of me, playfully begging which amused her greatly.

She giggled behind her gloved hand. "Please. I would recognise that look. You looked like Cullen waiting for a french kiss from the Inquisitor."

Josephine and I both gasped simultaneously which earned us a laugh from the Spymaster. I was leaning more towards offence than utter shock. _I_ do not look like that.

Josephine shifted her gaze towards my direction and the door, the conclusion obvious on her face

"You two.." The worse part of it was that she blushed. I don't even want to know what she was thinking. I dragged my hand across my face.

"No. No means no." I had quickly pocketed the dagger, save from any malicious curiosity and headed towards the door.

"Don't you guys have better things to do than to pick on someone who's younger than you ?" As I closed the door behind me, I heard Josephine's voice from the other side.

"Perhaps, I should start refusing the marriage proposals we've received these past couple months then ?"

 _Ugh_. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HIATUS : Still caught up with numerous part-time jobs and my university. Uploading chapters will be delayed.
> 
> Feedback is always appreciated :) Thank you.


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